Personal Struggles:
The stroke has impacted me in so many ways that I dare not count how many as it would bring up too many feelings of negativity but one key area is that of becoming dependent on others and feeling less confident in my own abilities. I am feeling so under confident about doing BSSM. I feel inadequate and vulnerable. Can I do this? It used to be so easy; I could do almost anything in my own strength and ability but now it is so different. It's easy to say ' I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' but I know that when I get physically tired, it affects my emotions and ability to walk, talk and even think clearly; it also affects my emotional and mental state ( battling feelings of despair, depression).
It seems the closer I get to starting, the more insecure I feel. Pray for me cause these feelings are not what I have 'lived' for the last 50+ years and not being in control is uncomfortable and daunting for me.
This is obviously something God is trying to form in me ie. being dependent on Him and not on myself, but I hate the journey toward this end. The photo of my look- a- like on the edge of a cliff is so how I feel.
Rob