Profile
Blog
Photos
Videos
So I like to think that I have hit the halfway mark here and it's amazing all that I have learned.
1. First and perhaps most important, I've learned that it is okay to be on your own. I would love to have someone to cuddle up next to and just hang out with every night. But if I were to let that define me, then who am I as a person? What does that say about me? Well it says that I am nobody without someone else. And I won't let that be true. I'm finding out who I am and more importantly, who I want to be.
2. Going along with that, I have found that I am somebody. Perhaps I'm not newsworthy or famous throughout the world, but I am someone who is going places. I love and I learn and I get happy and I get sad but I know that ultimately, I am in control of that. My emotions are my own and agreeing with number one, if I let someone else decide how I feel it makes me weak. I am better than that.
3. You can't control how others feel about you. Now, maybe I knew this all along, but tried to believe that if I could just be the best me possible, that I could make someone love me. And you know what? In a way, I can. Just because it's not the person I want it to be doesn't mean that I'm not fantastic. It means that there are better people out there who will take me as I am, flaws and all, and just love me.
4. Sometimes leaving is the best option. If you have been a faithful reader of this here wonderful blog, you know that I left to get away from my problems. For awhile I thought it was a terrible idea and that running away would just complicate things. I guess I still can't be for certain because this trip of a life time isn't over with yet, but what I've concluded thus far is that this was the best thing possible for me. As much as I wonder how things would have been had I stayed home, I can't help but think my emotional state would still have been in ruin. So maybe I didn't run away from anything, but rather towards something much better.
5. You never really are alone. I came here knowing 2 people well, 1 person a little, and then 2 other people just by having classes with them. But so far, I have gained a fantastic group of individuals here that I can call my friends. Whether it's sleeping over in Regency so I didn't have to walk back alone, making dinner, going out to dinner every Monday, planning spring break, or just sitting around and talking, these people have been here for me. I talked about this not too long ago, but I can't help but think that I have been blessed with the most amazing opportunity and been lucky enough to share it with some of the best people.
6. You choose your own path. I think this goes along with number 3 a bit but I felt that it deserved it's own number. Basically, I'm saying make your own decisions based on what you want. Never ever ever ever let anyone influence you. Had I done that, I wouldn't be writing this blog right now because I would still be in North Manchester. I have plans, I want to go places, I want to be somebody. I want a Fulbright Scholarship after I graduate. I want to work at City Year the year after that. If there will be someone that supports me through it, awesome. But what I do not need is someone who laughs at my dreams, who basically tells me they are stupid. In fact, I don't need anyone to comment on my dreams. Maybe they are a little out there and extreme but they are mine. There's a chance I won't reach them. But I know for sure that if I never try then I'll never know and then what good I am? I refuse to look back on my life and wonder what could have been if I just tried.
7. With that being said, I've learned to just try. You always have two choices; try or give up. Now, if you give up, well...that's it, there's only one road where you can go from there. But if you try, there are two ways it can go. You can succeed, or win, or get what you want. Or you could fail. It's not always that clean cut but think about it. Just by trying you are given the chance to succeed. Just by sticking your neck out there, you are better off than turning around and saying no, it's not worth it. And maybe sometimes that is the case. But I rarely see that justifiable. Now, after trying over and over again there does come a point where you can look at the option of trying and not trying and simply realize you had enough. That you are stronger than that situation. Because in some cases, trying is a two way street where you have to meet someone half way. And no matter how much you have tried, you'll never get anywhere if someone else isn't trying. So pick your battles but know that you can have your head held high for at least trying.
8. Everywhere you go is a chance to start over. You don't have to change completely but it's nice to see that people here can't judge me by my past because they don't know my past. And not that it's all terrible but it's refreshing to see that who I was and what I have done, is not who I am today. I am making changes, but I'm also applying number 6..so in a sense I'm applying 3 as well but just go with it. I know that I am not perfect and that I will never reach that state, but I know what it is to be a good person so I am working towards that. As much as I would like to look out for everyone, I know that I have to look out for number 1 first, and well, that's me. I spend an ungodly amount of time worrying about if my actions will hurt other people and while it is good to keep that in mind, my happiness should always come first.
Well, now that it is all out of my system, I have quite a bit of work to get done soon enough. Thanks for letting me ramble.
- comments