Monday;; Day 28! Now today, was an interesting day! Despite the luxuries I have been enjoying while I have been here in Seville, I have also had some difficulties with the nannying with what to do when Jaime yells or Patricia and Jaime argue or don't want to do their homework etc. They have more or less been running rings around me; but not in a nasty way or anything...just getting whatever they want whenever they want it really. They are good children, don't get me wrong, but sometimes they are crazy and so intense that you don't know what to do. Especially because I have seen the way Kiki and Eva parent them and there seems to be very little discipline. I just can't yell at children and I don't want to either; and the parents agree...But there is a fine line between being generous and being a push-over. The last few days I have felt slightly unsure of myself and my responsibilities with the children but I have been trying my best. Eva also told me last night that Jaime has a certain small condition where he gets 'ticks'? or sudden small outbursts of motions or sounds sometimes. I didn't know what he was doing when this happened until she informs me but still, whenever he would yell any other time (he has a short temper and is also very passionate), it seems to make me tense up inside and I feel horrible. I'm like that with any confrontation really, I just close up and I feel all this pressure inside.

Anyway, this morning, Jaime and Patricia were in a real strop (mood) and I was getting a bit over it. In the end, I called Eva as Jaime just wasn't listening to me. I let Jaime talk to her and while they were on the phone I just suddenly started crying. I don't know where it came from, I guess the emotions had just built up and for the first time I felt a little bit like quitting. I took myself upstairs so they wouldn't see me crying and decided I would call my friend and then my Mum for advice. I was a bit desperate I think and quite overwhelmed. I want more than anything else to make these kids happy and if I can not do so, even for a moment, it kills me inside and I feel so much guilt. But after calming down, getting some recommendations (thanks Mum!) and understanding that I shouldn't take it to heart so much or 'care' as much, I decided I would try and talk to Patricia and Jaime about it. I didn't know what I would say or how they would react but I just went downstairs and said 'ok, come on, let's go and sit outside.' They could see how upset I had been and they followed me outside. I asked Jaime to translate anything Patricia wouldn't understand and basically just tried to speak to them on their level. I said something similar to; I am here to be your friend but I also have certain requests from your parents and certain responsibilities to undertake like making sure your homework gets done etc. I said...when we get those things done, the rest of the day is for playing. I have to listen to both your parents, and you as well. Please understand that and work with me so that we can always have fun. It makes me upset when you yell or say no no no to everything I propose or ask...etc etc...so I think I did well...they understood, apologised, and the rest of the day ended up being absolute bliss, I couldn't believe it! Patricia was being nice and talking to me in English and playing with me and Jaime was listening to me and wasn't yelling. Something must have worked! I tell Eva about what happened once she gets home and she agrees that I did the right thing. The kids both now understand that I am here to be their friend more than anything but they also have to listen to me as I'm the only one taking care of them when their parents are at work.

The whole day runs smoothly and we have fun at the pool and playing ping pong at home. I feel such a weight off my shoulders now and almost feel like my emotions were meant to come out to release all the pressure building up haha!

In the evening, Alejandra arrives (the 3rd child) from a camp she was on. She is 10, is so lovely and the moment she walks in the door I can feel the dynamics change. Suddenly there are less arguments between Patricia and Jaime, and the atmosphere just seems a lot calmer. I cook for everyone (I make lunch and dinner for everyone Mon-Fri) a favourite dish of mine; big homemade pasties with chicken and veg inside and every single person absolutely raves about them and demands I make them again and again and also teach their Mum how to make them! Yay happy families :) ...

Solo Travelers Tip No.5: If and when you become overwhelmed while traveling and everything feels like it's all just a bit too much; be sure to reach out and confide in family or a friend and give them a call. At first, you feel like not involving anyone and just dealing with it by yourself, but I found that calling home re-centered me and gave me a clearer perspective of what was happening. It is easy to get caught up in the middle of it all, especially when your emotions start flying everywhere. Hearing a familiar voice and a fragment of 'home' can do wonders and it reminds you why you are traveling as well as the amount of support you have behind you at home :) the simplest of things can do miracles when you are traveling solo! ..I also talked to one of my very good friends Mum who I talk to regularly and has also done nannying in the past. She was able to relate and understand exactly what I was feeling and going through, especially because she had also nannied for a Spanish family where the culture and parenting is very different to the typical westernised way. Having someone who has been in your shoes before makes it not seem so intense or difficult because they can give you pointers on what usually works and what doesn't. (Thanks Carolyn!)

Tomorrow, the 4th and final child will arrive, Alvero (pronounced Albero!). He is the eldest and I am intrigued to see how things change again once he arrives! ...a big sigh of relief after today! :) good night