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The Simple Life
SEPTEMBER
WEEK ONE
After an uneventful week we headed to the City Hotel after work with Princes Fagan, gay Mark and 2 new Irish friends Johnny and Celine from Lynne's work. What was meant to be one quickly turned into several as the promoters handed out flyers for free cocktails and wine. Surprisingly enough we also found ourselves in The Clock for a few en route home, still in the day's work clothes! So much for our early sober evening!
Feeling a bit delicate the next day we decided the only thing for it was to head to the Porterhouse for a full breakfast - black pudding, white pudding the lot! Seemed like a good idea at the time but walking to the city later to pick up new outfits for Molly's leaving night at Kink the breakfasts didn't feel too hot in our already squeamish stomachs.
The food and shopping became too much for Lynne who had to bail and head back and several hours later laden with bags (no, not really mothers!) Linz headed home for a few hours kip before we beautified ourselves for the evening.
A tad nervous due to the entourage of Irish we knew we'd be contending with and the fact we were heading to an unknown pub, we jumped in a cab for The Royal Hotel on Bondi Road to meet up with the Irish contingent. We weren't quite sure what to expect in this bar but we just knew we would look out of place in our Saturday glad rags!!!!! The bar was jumping when we arrived, just the usual posse of drunken, loud Irish taking over the place. They had been out all day so we were on major catch-up. Poor Molly had a stomach upset so headed home to bed while the rest of us headed to Kink to celebrate/commiserate his imminent departure. Lyndsay and Mark swanked through the club on the guest list as normal, Liam however had no ID so Lynne spent a frantic while outside on the phone before Karen (Scott's girlfriend) eventually sneaked them in through a back entrance. Always trouble with Oor Limo! Hahahhahahah!
The club was absolutely rocking and a great night was had by all. As usual not wanting the night to end we headed off for the 24 hour bars on Oxford Street. Everyone except Lynne and Liam (again he was ID'd!) ended up in Gilligan's but they had to make do with the ever reliable Courthouse. Think Liam was barred from Gilligan's and Mark was barred from The Courthouse - nice boys!
Par for course on a Sunday Lynne found herself in a taxi back to Surry Hills while Liam headed to the T Gardens for a Sunday session with the boys. Mark left Surry Hills not long after to join the pub goers while us girls spent the day on the couch dying, watching DVD's and attempting to eat food.
A pretty quiet week was spent recovering until the Thursday when we headed to Toni & Guy as hair models for Paul. Great excuse for us to pose in the mirror and pick up a free hair colour!! Fabulash Darlings Fabulash!
WEEK TWO
Friday approached and Lynne headed off to Randwick Race course for some "football/horse racing night out" with Liam while Lyndsay died in bed, with another genuine illness not alcohol related we may add Hahahhahahaa...... Don't know who had the better night in the end? Lyndsay had a peaceful night with good food and good TV (Dirty Dancing followed by some old song show thingy - and a great wee chat with a proper Irishman, Ken!) while Lynne was subjected to horse racing, Irish and Scottish men betting and patting themselves on the back over the end of season football team trophy wins! There was free wine on the go mind you so she wasn't complaining too much. To say Lynne and Liam were drunk by the end of the night is an understatement it took them almost an hour to find their way out of the racecourse and into a cab, Lynne lost a contact lens en route to Bondi Junction, and they couldn't even remember being in Liam's sitting room the next morning never mind talking to Mick, his flatmate!
Both dying, Liam treated Lynne to breakfast and they somehow found themselves in the T Gardens for a "hair of the dog"! Lyndsay had planned a day shopping but the temptation of drinks and sitting in the upstairs outside terrace proved to be too much to resist. By early evening Liam had headed home determined to have a quiet night in, Mark however, had other ideas and dragged us to a mate's BBQ. Having been out drinking all day and not feeling our usual fabulash selves we lasted not even an hour before heading home only then to be woken up at midnight by an uninvited and very drunken Mark at the door with a bag full of sweets!!!!!!
Clearly taking a dizzy turn Lyndsay was up at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning and off to participate in the Sydney Marathon!!!!!!!! Yes you did hear right......The Sydney Marathon! Although she has to confess it was only the wee run not the whole 26 miles, or whatever it is - still blooming long enough at 7am on a Sunday morning! It was sponsored by ING Bank where she was working so she had been coaxed into it but it turned out to be a great morning and Linz ran over the Harbour Bridge as it was closed to traffic (think it's the only day of the year that happens?!?!?).
Lyndsay appeared home sporting her runner's medal, very proud, about 10am only to find all the others still in bed and unaware she had even gotten up to do it! Feeling energised she woke Lynne and we both decided to wreck Mark's head for the morning. While he tried to catch another few hours sleep before heading to the Hurling (Irish sport) Final, we had tunes pumping, dancing and jumping on the bed around him and ya, please don't be mad parents but it only felt right to have a vodka breakfast!!!!! As Mark left Gavan arrived and so off we headed for another Sunday afternoon Hugo's session. Several cocktails later the bottles of bubbly miraculously appeared. We did eat pizza at some point over the day but that did nothing to soak up the vodka, cocktails and 8 (yes 8!) bottles of champagne that were consumed. Can you believe Gavinda picked up the $550 bar tab?!?!??!
Deciding now would be a good time to grace Bondi Junction with our presence off we staggered. Lynne made a very graceful exit from the bar tripping down the tiled steps landing in a heap at the bottom with a very twisted ankle! Lyndsay not realising the extent of her fall hailed down a cab with shouts off "get up you've only twisted it ya lazy drunken cow" to a now tearful and hobbling Lynne Hahahhahahah......
We headed to the Royal first to meet Mark, who was expecting Lyndsay. Liam, however, was a tad surprised when a very drunken, dishevelled Lynnith appeared in the T Gardens. Oh, have to add we were now joined by Gavan who had fallen, with a now unable to walk Lynne on his back, in the middle of the street ripping his jeans. Neither of them knowing their night was about to get decidedly worse they laughed it off. The T Gardens episode is all a big hazy blur but lets just say the straight, working class Irish lads did not take kindly to Oor Princess Fagan and he quickly departed the bar after some homophobic abuse. Disgusting guys and we have not graced them with our presence again.
Oor Lynnith had her own drama going on as she was being dumped in the same exact same spot that Liam had chatted her up at in the first place! Not her finest moments - lost contact lens, busted ankle and now to add insult to injury she was getting the old "I don't want a girlfriend but I like really like you and want to stay friends" speech. Determined not to show Liam how upset she was she stayed for a few more vodkas with Lyndsay and Mark before dramatic tearful phone calls were made to her bro's back in the UK, in the front of a cab with Linz and Mark kinda helpless in the back!!! A very sleepless night was had by all - Lynne was in agony with her swollen up like a balloon and badly bruised ankle and was in hysterics over being dumped and had to be consoled by a poor Lyndsay and Al.....
Needless to say Lynne did not make work the next day. Lyndsay dragged herself off for yet another too tired, hung-over day at ING while Lynne lay in bed unable to walk with her ankle and generally feeling very sorry for herself! Mark made her laugh for most of the morning before sloping off to the pub again! He then put in another drunken appearance that evening bringing pizza this time instead of sweets. Much more appreciated!
Deciding that as sore as the ankle was Lynne couldn't be cooped up forever Wednesday evening we headed to the Slip Inn after work for a $5 steak before hitting the cinema.
WEEK 3:
As our departure date from Sydney loomed, on the Thursday lunchtime we decided we actually wanted to extend our trip make the most of our one and only Australian Visa and spend Xmas and New Year in sunshine in Sydney, so off we headed to STA Travel to book a new return ticket home. Apologies for not bothering to consult anyone first but we think you know by now that we don't think things through too much - fly by the seat of our pants kinda gals - that's what makes us so much fun hahhahahahahhahaha! That evening we made a few calls and met James and Gavan in the Green Park to celebrate. Our usual one bottle of wine led to several more and it was Lyndsay's turn to be very drunk and sick by the time we got home! All this boozing on an empty tummy was not doing us any favours!
Friday evening we once again headed to Cargo Bar to meet Cecilia. Once there we were accosted by a group of guys from Melbourne on a weekend football trip - it was a joke they were actually taking 5 minute intervals in attempting to chat us up! A couple of older guys next to us actually started making seagull noises next to us each time another one approached (his exact words were "it's like a chip to a seagull!") Hahahhahahah..... Time to hit Bondi Junction we think! With good reason though we're not total gluttons for punishment, it was Celine's leaving night at the c*** & Bull.
Well what can we say it's the first time we've actually turned up relatively sober in this pub and we were not impressed! We knew it was bad but double vision usually helped the situation along a bit. We did find ourselves there till closing at 2am though and Oor Lynnith had met not one but two new Irish boys - Dave (who we choose to call Joe Cole as he looks like the footballer) and Carl (guy from Northern Ireland). On passing the T Gardens en route to the taxi the usual magnetic force dragged us in and we found ourselves in there till closing at 3am. Will we never learn???
Feeling very delicate the next morning we headed out for breakfast, bought ourselves some new books then spent the day in bed recovering. The birthday boy Gavinda appeared about 6pm and we all headed off to the Columbian for a few pints of cider (ya our new cheap drink!) then Thai Neisa for the birthday meal. Princess Fagan was speechless for once when all the lights in the restaurant dimmed and he was presented with a cake and the whole restaurant singing Happy Birthday.
As the boys headed off to Oxford Street we went back to the house and put on our glad rags for an evening at Kink. We weren't really in the mood and for once in our lives, feeling our age but knowing Grant Smillie, DJ from Prince of Wales in Melbourne was playing we forced ourselves out the door. Once inside Kink we realised there was suddenly no escaping the Irish crowd - the usual suspects Liam and Mark weren't around but half of the T Gardens were in there. It was an alright night but the music wasn't as good as we expected and we headed home at the reasonable time of 2:30am!!!!!
Sunday we headed out for breakfast with Gav and Al then, determined not to spend another day in bed went to the cinema. It was a gorgeous evening out so we thought it would be rude not to grace Cargo Bar with our presence. After some food and wine and several texts and phone calls from Mark and his cousin Aidan we jumped in a taxi for Durty Nelly's, an Irish bar in Paddington (another suburb). Lynne only stayed for one before heading home for an early night while Lyndsay had another few then was subjected to watching Man U back at Mark's place with an interesting situation happening when Mickey arrived home!!! Ever wanted the ground to open up and swallow you.....?
Mark was then dumped quicker than a hot potato when he so graciously dropped Lyndsay off the next morning about 3 streets away from home saying "you're alright to walk from here?" Big mistake buster, Big Mistake!
A fairly quiet week with a Wednesday night trip to the Green Park. A lot less wine consumed this time we may add!
WEEK FOUR:
Friday evening we decided to try out a few bars in Coogee (another Eastern beach suburb). We were very disappointed! Two very cool beachside bars with beer gardens, funky house tunes but they were dead. We did have the pleasure of bumping into Michael, a Scottish guy Lynne had met a few times with Liam - known to most of you as Scottie McHottie. He was on a date and she was not too impressed as Lyndsay and he exchanged numbers Hahahhahahah.... Well the guy only has red blood in his veins! Extremely bored we decided to hit the club Moulin Rouge in Kings X. Good move - one of the Kink residents was playing the place was rocking and there were no Irish in sight. We danced Oor wee asses off. The promise of a few quiet ones by the beach turned into a 6am stormer......We think there seems to be a pattern emerging!
Saturday Gavan appeared bright and early and dragged us out of bed for the day. We had a stroll along the promenade at Bondi then lunched at a very funky little café watching all the gorgeous Bondi boys wandering by. Feeling a bit tipsy we somehow found ourselves in the Green Park with James until early evening.
It was Johnny's leaving night and we had planned on meeting him and his mates for a few in O'Malley's, an Irish bar in Kings X. Lynnith made the mistake of sitting down on returning to the house to get changed and fell asleep then just couldn't muster the energy for going back out! Lyndsay headed off with Lydia (our flatmate) to Bondi to meet her friends, then meet up with Johnny et al. Bondi was a nightmare and after Linz and Lydia being drooled on we left to head into Kings X to meet up with the others. The Irish pub in the X was tragic but great craic and Johnny's mates were good fun. In the meantime Scottie McHottie had been texting and was in a bar further up the road. We hastily said our goodbyes and a cool as we could muster we set off in search of said Michael!
We met up at the World Bar and Lydia nearly fainted when she saw how gorgeous Michael was! When he ushered us in on free guest list Lyndsay fell in love Hahahhahahah! Several vodkas later, much dancing and everyone was getting on like a house on fire. Apparently watching Linz and Scottie was like watching a pair of teenagers in the playground whilst they flirted but were all shy! We all finally called it a day around 4 or 5am and numbers were exchanged but as McHottie was going back to Scotland for a month in a week's time it was unsure if/when they'd meet up again......Lydia had no intention of calling her's back Hahahhahahah.
Sunday morning Lynne headed out fresh and early for breakfast with Gavan only to then find herself in the Trinity, an Irish bar in Surry Hills a few hours later with Lyndsay, Al and Lydia for a Sunday Roast. We had planned on going to a BBQ in Coogee with Carl and his mates but it was raining so we rented out some DVD's and spent the day on the couch instead.
It was a fairly busy week! With Al departing for Thailand on the Tuesday, Monday evening was spent in the house with the Queens (5 in total) eating take-away food, drinking wine and b****ing about men in general Hahahhahahah.....
Tuesday we went flat hunting in Bondi. We'd decided we wanted to have a change of scenery and be closer to the beach for the summer. We were impressed with the first place we were shown - a 2 bedroom flat with balcony - the lot. We agreed we'd move in that Saturday. Like we mentioned earlier - we never bother thinking things through!
As Thursday approached our nerves were frayed - Lynne had a drinks appointment with Liam, he was returning shoes and a watch she'd left at his place and Lyndsay was in the process of arranging a date for the Friday with Scottish McHottie! It was a tense time for us and it was a good job that everyone had moved out of the house as there was much foot stomping and door slamming.
The drinks with Liam went better than expected although it did leave Lynnith a bit emotional and tired the next day! He came over to Surry Hills and they went to the Trinity for 2 then the Clock Hotel for another 2. The air was cleared and Lynne managed to make a few digs and valid points about Liam's reasons for dumping her.
Lyndsay's date never materialised (shock) with cries of "oh I'm tired after work etc, but we'll catch up at the weekend" - yeah right! So the two Amigos went and treated themselves to an Indian takeaway and packing up our stuff in preparation for the fateful move to Bondi.
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