I'm Still Alive!

Firstly, I feel guilty for not updating for nearly 2 months. Partly because I was lazy and also because I didn't have the abilitiy to express myself through words over the internet.

What honestly made me update was that I have just come back from my 6 month exchange camp and I realised quite a few things. It was in Copenhagen at the same school we were at when we all first touched down in Denmark only it was summer, I knew what I was doing, I felt like a completely different person and there were another 150 students from around the world there as well. I'm officially on the wind down of my exchange. Only 4 months left and after many group sessions discussing our past 6 months here, the feeling of shock finally set in. I honestly have no idea why. Maybe the word "guilt" is the wrong way to express what i'm feeling. At the last camp we had to write a letter to ourselves that we would open at the camp I was just on. I couldn't help but laugh at everything I said and also at how naive I was about being here. It was actually like a slap in the face which isn't what I expected. It's hard to tell how you've changed as a person but that letter definitely showed it. Also being with the exchange students again I could feel how I felt different around them. Just how comfortable I was being myself or saying things or joking around. I just felt more like me.

So the past 2 months? Jeez.......that's a lot to fill you in on.

It's mostly been summer holidays and sadly they end this weekend and we have to go back on the 14th of August. I've been to the summer house, Aarhus, Copenhagen, camp, said goodbye to Kelsea, borrowed books from the library, felt guilty about not being fluent in Danish, thought about finally turning 16, freaking out about going back into anden g and attempting to do the work, figured out my plan after i've finished high school, felt guilty about my swearing habits, questioned what I considered fashionable 3 months ago, been swimming in the lake, walked around a lake, felt guilty about not taking enough photos, felt guilty about not taking enough initiative, eaten ice-cream, cried, laughed uncontrollably, stayed up late, listened to Disney songs in Danish, had/having a cheesy summer romance (I laughed typing that) and just grown the hell up.

That actually sounded quite depressing when I read it back to myself but that's not how it's supposed to sound. I'm honestly having a good time!

SUMMER HOUSE: The summer house is in Løkken and it's very nice. It's actually my host grandparents house but the whole family can use it. Down the road is the beach and it reminded me of home. Luckily the weather was great that week and we got some sunshine. Along the beach there's bunkers from WWII. I also got to see how they make boiled candy and although the process took a good hr and a half to watch it was interesting. The sunset is also beautiful to watch since it doesn't get dark until after 10:30pm.

AARHUS: I went to Aarhus with Paz (another exchange student) and also my host family. We went for the memorial for the people who were bombed and shot in Oslo last year. It was an odd but somewhat good feeling to be standing there with other young people and recognise that an unjust thing happened. That night I also watched a documentary on some of the people who were affected by it and it was a bit of a blow. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be as strong as those young people.

COPENHAGEN: So I went to København with my family and saw all the touristy things in the space of 8 hours. I swear i've never walked so much until I got to Denmark. I realised I can go weeks without sitting in a car so i'm not so good with long car trips anymore. Though back to the point. The weather was luckily quite nice the week I was in Denmark's major city so it was a joy to stroll around. I went on a canal cruise, saw the round tower, glyptotek, rosenborg slot, Tivoli (a theme park a 2349820934 times better than Luna Park), Christiania, a grave yard where H.C.Andersen is buried, found a really dodgy aussie pub, got hit on by an english guy watching the football in an english pub and probably a lot more. Very grateful for my family for taking me there it was a lot of fun! Also met a new cousin so I'm meeting more and more of the family a time goes on. So all in all, within those 3 days I made a final decision with myself that I'd at somepoint be moving to Europe and was completely knackered. Though no time to rest because next I had camp....

CAMP: The 6 month camp for the oldie exchange students. Why are we oldies? Well because 150 new exchange from around the world just turned up. Can you believe that only 4 of those students had english as their first language? To be honest I didn't get to speak to them that much since they had group sessions about what to expect here and so did I. A girl from NZ is coming to my school (as i've mentioned previously) and i'm looking forward too it. Don't mean to creep you out if you read this by the way! The camp was from friday night till Sunday arvo and it wasn't long enough. I honestly don't know what we did all that time but it feels like I didn't get to catch up with anyone. Really scary to think that the next camp will be the farwel camp for us all. Time goes too quickly. Ugh.

GOODBYE KELSEA: Finally Kelsea is gone. Hehe. No no I really do miss her a lot and there are countless times i've pulled out my phone to txt her and then realised she's in another continent. It was as good as a goodbye can be I guess. We spent the day together with her Dad in Aalborg (who was a pleasure to meet) and then we ate dinner together in the sun before heading our serperate ways. It was a bit of a blow saying goodbye (and this is going to sound harsh and hopefully won't offend anyone else) but when Kelsea left I felt incredibly alone. My biggest rock has gone and I'm slowly getting over it. Yes yes, weep for Alex.

LIBRARY BOOKS: I finally decided enough was enough and before my brain turned to mush I'd borrow some library books. I did order them over a month ago and the 2 books I really wanted haven't arrived yet. I read flowers in the attic though and the book I received was taped together and falling apart......I did feel incredibly special reading it though as i'm sure people on the train were wondering what the hell I was doing with such an old book.

SPEAKING DANISH: Yeah....the thing that keeps biting me in the ass. After getting to camp and hearing nearly eveyone speak Danish when 5 months ago we couldn't say anything was kind of strange. I felt completely guilty and angry at myself for not trying so much harder. So yes I can understand almost everything (conversational wise) but I still get s*** nervous when it comes to speaking to people I actually know. So now there's a new goal. From now on, jeg kan bare snakke Dansk. I also said when school started again i'd tell the class they can speak to me in danish and that i'd do the work. Does this count as an official announcement? Though I do appreciate the fact my host sister always speaks to me in Danish even if we wake up in the middle night because we thought there was a devil in the room.

16TH BIRTHDAY: Finally, in a few weeks i'll be 16 years old. I'm excited more so because I have another year on my side. I feel 25 sometimes and like i'd could do anything but then something happens and my age slaps me in the face. ok i'm also a little excited about presents.....haha

BACK TO SCHOOL: Ok it sucks and i'm not looking forward to it but then again I am. For some of the reasons above about speaking Danish but also because it's kind of fun to be at a Danish school. I also miss the parties just a little...

THE PLAN: So after 2 more years of school and a hopeful pass of my HSC I plan on studying in London to become a journalist or possibly in Denmark. Depending on my language skills by then. Hopefully i'll have enough money to do it but that's the dream.

SWEARING: feels f***ing good. (sorry mum)

FASHION: Passion for fashion. Had to say that. I've just been looking back at old photos and laughed at how much i've changed. Pretty much I got a new scarf and decided I dress better so yeah.

LAKE: So at a time when the weather was nice I got to swim in the lake and walk around it a few times too. Danish forests are truly beautiful.

PHOTOS: Take more photos.

INITIATIVE: Things that I HAVE to do while here in Denmark. I've been a bit slack lately but the recent guilt trip at camp has finally pushed me enough to do things.

EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: I have never been more emotional than in the last 2 months and that's because so many little things have happend I won't elaborate on. It's really exhausting but what can you do?

DISNEY SONGS: Thanks to Liv and Solvej I have heard many disney songs in Danish which is embarassing because I can't even sing all the words in english and they can. Mental note, learn the Disney songs in English. Jeg har min øjne på dig Wazowski. That's not Disney but it's fun to say.

LE BOYFRIEND: So asides from a few people who asked some very invasive questions and condoned too much (cough meg haha love ya) yes I do have an incredibly nice boyfriend who is not only a really good friend but for some reason likes me enough to call me his girlfriend :)

GROWING UP: So i'm feeling kind of old and mature. Am I allowed to say that? It has it's benefits that's for sure but sometimes I think I found out some things too early and maybe it would be nice to be naive on some topics for a little while longer. Then again growing up so to speak has made me more confident. Pro's and con's but i'm taking it on board and i've got to say it's the reason i've planned some of the things I want in my life.

Sorry it's so long between blogs and if this one sounds a bit sappy but i'll try harder promise! Hope everyone out there is good and i'll be chatting to you soon xoxoxo