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We hope you don't mind but for something different we thought I'd write from a mother's perspective.
Alex is happy for me to do so, as long as i don't embarrass her or write anything negative. I can't promise anything but here goes!
From the moment Alex and Andrew decided to fill out that damn Scholarship form my heart was thumping out of my chest.....I just knew in my heart of hearts that she would get it, and before we could stop to think about what it would mean to all of us, We were told pick a country, get her passport sorted she's leaving in January. We had 4mths.
Many have criticized, condemned, opinionated, judged and don't know how many times I heard under peoples breath, "I wouldn't / couldn't do that"...which of course and as much as you are supposed to rise above it, it still makes you question whether this makes you a good parent or a careless one?
Why people feel the need to fill your head with negativity or make you justify your decisions I don't know? but I just want to say that I would love to shoot back at some of them and to nitpick their parental decisions, cause I tell you there are some doozies out there, but I'm too polite for that....anyway. Funnily enough my biggest criticisms came when she decided to spend the day in Amsterdam on her own using public transport. I didn't see the problem; it's no different than wondering around the city of Sydney only prettier and more culturally satisfying then spending the day in Zara. I don't know many 15yr olds who would want to plan their day around churches and museums, and cultural awareness of a new city, by themselves, she could of sat in the hotel room on free wifi chatting on facebook or gone to a 10yr olds soccer match.....but she didn't, and for that I am in awe of her as I know I wouldn't of had the confidence or nouse to do that at 15....so for me that should be enough that she's an amazing exchange student and silence the doubters.
As a person I've always been avidly independent. Therefore I don't believe in mothering children to the point where they couldn't survive outside the nest but also that the nest is always the comfort zone. I believe a child needs to grow up to be an independent, strong, confident, and to not be afraid of what life can bring and trust their own instincts and if not, not to be afraid to ask for help.....for this is what I love most about my relationship with Alex she's always been honest and open with me even when she knows it'll make me yell at her, yes even on skype! ...I'm sure there are some things she's kept to herself but I'll find out about them when she gets home. Mums always do!
Andrew tells me I shouldn't get mad at her online, but unfortunately I'm not going to write a list and wait for her to get home. Like all teens, she sometimes needs to get pulled back into line, even with all her maturity.
This experience made me look at my parent's journey and now I finally appreciate what my grandparents must have been going through. I couldn't even imagine what it would of been like for my grandparents to say goodbye to not only one daughter but three and their grandchildren not knowing when they would see them again.....and I'm just keeping it together even knowing when she's coming home.
Alex has by no means had a free cushy ride, if anything this experience has tested her resolve in more ways than one. Her strength and determination has been tested and shown us all what she's really made of. It's taken her 6mths to settle into a life that we hoped for from day one. but unfortunately that's how the cards were dealt.....through all the tears and anguish we offered her an out to come home and not once did she even think about it....I know the doubters would love for her to fail and come home early then they could say I knew it was a bad idea, but that's not going to happen!
I will say in hindsight yes she was too young I would send her at 17 /18 but more so because she would be allowed more options as an adult and have more freedom and of course have a little more life experience behind her. Saying that we don't regret giving her this challenge in her life, she has obviously what it takes.
As for me, no I don't have what it takes to go through this again, I can't even begin to explain what it's like to hear or see your child in pain, in tears and knowing that no one is there to console them. That the best you can do as parents is come up with words of comfort that will help them sleep through the night. No kisses or hugs, no holding them in the foetal position and still having to front up to work and social engagements with a smile and positive attitude even when your heart is breaking, especially for the sake of your other child. ...
So now we're in September with 3mths to go and things are as they should be. Alex is living with a beautiful family who adore her and have known her from day one....
She still gets to spend time with her previous family as well as school and all things that will come her way. She has finally found love in the form of Aske who was her host brother, (because no one saw that coming!) and the best part is they're great friends.
Alex has also been blessed with I don't know how many international friends.....(most of which speak Spanish ironically.) .... So free accommodation around the world for her lucky girl! ....and yes your all welcome to come to Australia and visit Alex just not at the same time!
Come December, Alex will be going through a mix of emotions not wanting to come home or being anxious at how much things have changed here, compared to how much she's changed this past year, knowing she's missed out on so much but at the same time gained so much and not having been able to share them with anyone from home.....one thing I know for sure, profanity will be checked at the door!
- comments
Karen Good on you Carolina, no judgement from here! Well said xxxx
Hannah Thanks Carolina xox
Julie Parker It was a brave decision Carolina but a good one, Alex will have blossomed and learned so much from the experience, with new friends around the world for life. Ignore the doubters, they and their children probably lead closeted boring lives!
Louise I think your an amazing mum, your daughter Alex, is brave, courageous and trail blazer, just like her mum. You should be proud of her and yourself. My judgement is you are all fantastic and deserve congratulations!!!!!
Joann Rego Well Said my good friend, my doubts are only in reflection of Jess doing the same but that being said now that Jess is closely now the age Alex was when Alex left on her adventure I would have to say I would not hesitate in making the same choices that you have. Always supporting you and your family no matter what Jo xoxoxox