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To BA or not to BA?
Tons of methane, super heated venting and a trillion cubic metres of hot air…you've guessed it, the UK has just suffered a General Election.
Following a series of US style 'presidential' TV debates between the three main political party leaders, aircraft were grounded and airports closed all over Europe. Experts from jet engine manufacturers Rolls Royce and Pratt & Whitney concluded that the concentration of bullsh*t could potentially bring down a plane. (Just as an aside I've always stuck by my father's advice never to fly in a plane powered by an engine designed by a prat).
The danger reached a peak as politicians who'd previously called their rivals "idiots" and who'd suggested that each others' policies would lead to the "economic meltdown of UK plc" suddenly realised that they had secretly admired each other.
Fortunately the formation of a government of National Disunity between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats was followed by a honeymoon period where bullsh*t levels dropped slightly. Thanks to a re-interpretation of safety margins using that tried and tested "commercial pressures" formula, the engine manufacturers realised that their profit margins were about to be grounded and decided that it was safe to fly.
The lifting of flight restrictions in Northern Europe was perfectly timed for us; it meant that only industrial action could stop us returning to Africa in May to resume our travels. So what on earth possessed us to book our flights with British Airways? With the sort of luck that I sadly never get playing poker, our chosen date of 25 May was slap bang in the middle of a BA cabin crew strike and, of the 3 flights to Johannesburg that evening, ours was the one to get cancelled!
Those readers who have stuck with these blogs from the outset (no, you can't claim compensation) may recall that our first migration to Africa took place in June 2006, the start of the Southern Hemisphere winter! There was also a World Cup going on. The pain of watching England outplayed and outclassed in that competition was soon forgotten in Kruger National Park as we became pre-occupied with trying to keep warm under canvas in sub zero temperatures!
So have we learnt our lesson four years on? Oh, yes, this time we decided to go earlier to catch a late autumn and a full winter to freeze to death! Also thanks to the fact that South Africa is hosting the 2010 World Cup we will be paying much more for food, drink, fuel and accommodation! This time we won't even have the opportunity to freeze to death in Kruger; it will be full of wildlife frightening football supporters.
Whilst British Strikeways and the ironically named Unite union squabbled in the High Court about who wore the biggest pants, Angela finished her 9-month stint as a credit controller at Ernst & Young. Yours truly, having re-built the house (well almost), fatefully decided that a fitting end to nearly 12 months of DIY repairs would be to fill a hairline plaster crack in the wall between the second and third bedrooms.
On closer inspection I realised the crack was deeper and wider than the Grand Canyon and that the wall was drifting southwards from the exterior wall in a miniature re-enactment of the San Andreas Fault. This was the cue for a return visit by Brendan the Plasterer, who had spent most of last summer turning our house in to an offshoot of the London 2012 Olympics site.
Fortunately we had already signed up new tenants at this point, and in any case I was ready to lay the blame for the 10mm layer of dust around the house on our politicians and an Icelandic volcano that I would happily name here if spelling it was any easier than saying it!
Our last 4 weeks in the UK proved to be a predictable frenzy of house cleaning, trips to our storage unit (the furniture is stacked so high it may get a layer of snow next winter), DIY touch ups, rows with credit card companies, banks and insurers, last minute Amazon orders for obscure bits of kit, contract signing, saying goodbyes to friends and relatives and most importantly, eating things that are difficult to get in Africa.
Regarding the latter we've made a significant dent in the UK duck population by eating duck breasts, whole ducks, duck spring rolls and Peking duck whenever possible. The Mallard and Drake who flew in to our garden the week before we left would probably not have hung around if they knew what was going down in the kitchen!
The customary "thank yous" are due at this stage. To British Airways for getting us to Joburg in time for our Kimberley connecting flight, to Isaac & Liesel for collecting us and hosting us on their farm, to all our UK neighbours for welcoming us home and pretending they were sad to see us go again, to Jo and Dad and other relatives and to friends we've visited or who've visited us. To those we didn't get to see this time round we'll be back, poor and hungry! If we didn't get to visit it's nothing personal (well, Steve is always the exception that proves the rule!)
Final big thanks to Alan & Jane for the chauffeur services, accommodation and meals over the last year, it always feel like home at Chez Whites! Thanks also to Chris and Tracy for sorting a place to store the Yellow Peril.
Well, we are now at Farm Kokwaan, North Western Province, South Africa, nearest town 80 miles each way! It is freezing at night, and that's indoors! Those of you reading this in the Northern Hemisphere have a good summer; those of you in the Southern Hemisphere have a warm winter and make sure you have the spare bedroom ready!
Last wish is for England to win the World Cup by putting 8 goals past Germany in the final, well you never know! Perhaps I should make that 80-mile trip in to Vryburg to find a betting shop? I would do if the Landrover was working….but that's another story!
- comments
Jeff Hi Ralph and Angela, What a coincidence, I know a Ralph and Angela that live in Reading...Half Marathon enthusiasts or so I am told. Small world. Everyone knows the US are going to beat England in the World Cup pool play...it will start with a striker named B-52...no sorry that's the next World Cup in Pyongyang. I hope you are having a great time and can enjoy the World Cup in your camp site with 10,000 or so of your closest English friends abroad and behaving...well...English...Queen's English, 4 o'clock tea, scones and all that...no sorry that's cricket. Well I hope you like farmer tans, Stella and involuntary regurgitation. Jeff
Heike Evans Oh good - you are back on the "right" side of the world - just in time to see Germany THRASH England !!!!!!! Spare room is ready - and so is Ricki's room (as she is in Marlow !!) - so - anytime you want to visit - we are here with a good stock of red-wine and LOADS of Clint and Simon "doddles" lined up. Have fun and cope with the cold - we've been having in the upper 20s over the last few days - but today back to rain and 17. Well - hope to see you soon.
Kevin G. Smith R&A, So glad to hear that you're back in Africa. Now I can contort myself in fits of jealous rage, which of course is my favorite hobby. Katie and I have already been discussing tentative plans to move back to Africa at some point ourselves. She's expecting in September, and getting the impending impressionable young fella out of the US for a while will be a priority before he becomes addicted to FaceSpace, Tweetbook, YouBoob, and other those other things on the Internets. Stay well and enjoy, Kevin and Katie
Jim and Linda Ralph and Angela, Glad to hear you are back in South Africa. We will look forward with envy to hearing about your latest adventures. All is well here in Santa Barbara. Sun is shining, budgets are declining and the natives are restless. Nothing new.
Stuart & Trudi Welcome back to SA you two! We have just returned from Kruger this afternoon and it was indeed freezing under canvas! Look forward to catching up sometime again. SnT
Miles Harrison Hi you two. You should have got a proper geologist on that plaster crack of your. Send a boy to do a man's job.... I may be leaving Bots for an extended period - possibly permanent, but will be there for a while. Whats your itinerary over the next 6 weeks or should I know that from somewhere else on the site? Speak soon
Bim and Linda Just had to comment on the USA's tie with England in their opening game of the World Cup. Where did Britain get that goal keeper? Go USA!!! Hope your visit is going well.
Tereza Hello Angela & Ralph, Glad you made it to Africa despite all the difficulties with flights etc. Great to read about your travels - love your writing style:), thank you. Hope the African winter is kinder to you, best of luck and enjoy everything you are doing! Lol, Tereza
Ralph & Angela Hi Everyone Thanks for all the comments. Limited internet access at the moment so apologies for short and late replies. Well, England decided to let the USA off from a thrashing since Obama is already foaming at the mouth about British Petroleum! We will be saving the performance of the tournament for our potential meeting with Germany, assuming we get through the qualifiers. Clearly the England goalkeeper was nobbled by the Mafia or Obama to throw the match. The weather has got colder, -5C at night so our enthusiasm for camping has diminished somewhat. Miles/Heike we will be in touch shortly, thanks to the rest of you for your comments, From a freezing Vryburg, come on England!