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Welshmen and Erectile Problems.
"Never go on holiday with a Welshmen" is one piece of advice my parents should have given me but I don't remember receiving it!
Why then were we agreeing to accompany the long suffering Paula and her partner Marc "Get us a beer luv" Yendle down from the Kalahari to the Cape?
First stop was Upington for repairs; for once this was the trailer not the Landrover! Thanks to excessive wind, and for once I don't mean Angela's bowels, our waterproof top cover for the tent had ripped off! Upington Canvas did a great job on the tent as we camped in mosquito alley by the side of the Orange River.
Marc & Paula were trying out their new Desert Wolf trailer and tent, so we were able to use their Landrover 110 rooftop tent. I mention this because the experience was similar to sleeping on top of a mountain, not a tent to fall out of at night but it would certainly keep you out of reach of lions!
Repairs completed, we skirted across the northern edge of the Great Karoo desert on a road where the first change of direction was 375kms south, down the spectacular Vanrhyns Pass and eventually to the Algeria campsite in the beautiful Cederberg Mountains.
The 625km drive, our longest with the trailer, was enlivened by Marc's Defender throwing a wobbly just before we reached camp. The temp gauge waved at him and power steering fluid leaked out for some strange reason. Neither proved to be a real problem so we arrived happy but tired.
Last time we were in the Cederberg it was very hot, this time was no exception. A temperature of 43C and a wind like a hair dryer on full setting forced us to seek refuge in the mountain stream below our campsite, with Paula providing a constant supply of cold beers despite having a cough that sounded like the terminal stages of TB!
From Algeria it was an easy drive to Langebaan on the west (Atlantic) coast. We swam despite the numbing cold of the water here, and thawed out at Die Strandloper, a famous open-air 10 course fish restaurant on the beach. After 9 fish courses we were growing gills and fighting an overwhelming urge to return to the sea, mercifully the final course turned out to be bread and jam!
Marc, Ship's Master and captain of one of the world's most famous private yachts, kindly pointed out that we were walking the wrong way back to the camp from the restaurant. Fortunately he was wrong otherwise we might still be walking the Atlantic foreshore!
Driving on the fringes of Cape Town and out to Stellenbosch we encountered a very strange phenomenon, other cars on our road! When in Stellenbosch the obvious thing to do is visit wineries, so we did, four a day to be precise.
Marc is a lager drinker so taking him to a winery is like taking a eunuch to the Temple of the Vestal Virgins, he knows what it's about but has no chance of enjoying it! Fortunately we were able to fall back on the tried and tested apology "I'm sorry, he's Welsh" to explain his behaviour to the bemused locals.
Our base in Stellenbosch was the inappropriately named Mountain Breeze campsite. One dark night as the wind whipped through the pine forest canopy above us and threatened to deposit a tree on our rooftop tents, Marc and I sat and watched the strange sight of a man with the stature and gait of John Cleese chasing a rabbit through the trees.
We then heard squeals and the man walked past holding the rabbit. It was a relief the next day when Paula asked the rabbit catcher's wife what was going on, it turned out he just liked to pet them then release them. Perhaps he was Welsh???
Much to our amusement and Paula's consternation, Marc has been having major problems with his erections since returning to South Africa from the UK. Concerned that it was too small, Marc arranged to have their Howling Moon rooftop trailer tent (what else would I be talking about?) replaced with one from Desert Wolf, the makers of their trailer.
This was duly fitted at Mountain Breeze, but by the time we'd all gone down to Simon's Town Marc decided that it was too big. Marc than drove a 300km round trip inland to Worcester to get another tent fitted, this one from Bushwackers. The mad Welshman is clearly on a mission to give South African tent makers a profitable year!
From Stellenbosch we all departed to Simon'sTown, us to the luxury of Simon and Lyn's holiday home, Marc & Paula to the local campsite in the teeth of a Force 8 gale, you have to feel sorry for Paula!
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