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Christmas Greetings or Ralphie’s Rants 2
I’m afraid I can’t pass the opportunity to have a rant about Christmas; it’s too tempting to ignore!
A friend who will remain nameless emailed a great Christmas card the other day that said “Happy whatever event it is, now f*ck off and leave me alone for the next 12 months”
Much as I share these sentiments I am aware that some of our readers may actually enjoy Christmas. What could be more enjoyable than spending months preparing for a 2 hour lunch where an oversized steroid happy chicken type blob is cooked until the faint hint of flavour it may have possessed has evaporated, then presented alongside a similarly overcooked collection of soggy members of the legumes and brassica families, all swimming in a brown tide of Bisto gravy with lumps?
Should the gastronomic pleasure of that event make you a little tired, then you can always sit down and fall asleep in front of the TV watching the latest releases, Rocky 48 or Die Hard 7 (isn’t Bruce a little old for these now?) Alternatively you could sit back and contemplate on why one day actually adds £1000 to your credit card debt, if only granddad would stop playing the theme tune to Raiders of the Lost Ark on his denture plate.
Which brings me neatly on to Christmas in a summer climate. We’ve yet to see fake snow sprayed on the windows of our neighbours’ tents, but everything else is ready for the big day here. PicNPay supermarkets have been advertising their Christmas special on braai charcoal since August in between the medley of Christmas tunes designed to make your shopping experience more memorable. Just like the UK, corporate South Africa aspires to love Christmas more than their competitors so they are keen to promote the “festivity” of Dulux paint, sewing machines (where else in the world can you get radio adverts for sewing machines?????) and that Noel favourite, toothpaste.
For the first time ever we will stroll along a beach on Christmas Day, probably after a salad lunch. We’ll sit and watch whales and dolphins and will spare a thought for those of you halfway through peeling 14 tonnes of brussel sprouts at that very moment.
Our only concession to the festive season is that we will cut open our piece of Karen & Graham’s wedding cake (in lieu of Christmas pudding) and toast their and everyone else’s happiness, regardless of what day of the year it happens to be.
Enjoy your holiday and remember never say no to that last mint chocolate, no matter how sick you feel, because if you do……. someone else might have it.
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