so...i am a very disappointed in myself for not posting until now...in freakin august =( I just became so overwhelmed in May it became impossible to reflect on any aspect of my life. I was still anxious (i guess it is true for stress/anxiety to roll over even when school is done) for most of June. I really need to learn how to control my stress =( Also Alison came and visited me!! Ah, it was soooo delightful but at the same time I was stressed out as hell during her time in the west. It was not her fault by any means, just terrible timing. I had to move out simultaneously while she came to visit, and school ended the day I picked her up in Alb....a mess I was a freakin mess. ...anyway i really want to reflect on those 20 incredible kids..and the impact they have had on me. i love them. i would give anything to loop with them. it would be hard as hell, but the best. it would be the best....
i wanna write about the field trip to alb first. we went on the field trip on may 11th. the preparation for 42 kinders to ride in one bus is INSANE. but verrica is awesome at organization..and had s*** ready for the trip. i do plan on having that organization capacity..one day...
i sat with landon during the trip...a) he did need an adult to sit with him b) i wanted to be that adult. it takes about 3 hours to get to alb on a bus...i swear it seemed like all of an half hour to get there because sitting with landon is a BLAST. ive realized that i prefer most human conversations with children (there are a few exceptions..only very few people make that list that i enjoy conversing with...regardless children usually have more interesting and fascinating stories to tell. and i wanna hear them! i don't really recall what all we did to make that time pass so fast but i know there was a photo shoot on the bus ride back involving a slinky.. my phone...and vidoes. The kid is extremellllyy smart...i recently found a video that landon took on his on...he was very stealthy...there are 2 seconds in the beginning of the video where he actually turns the camera towards me to see if i am looking and then continues to speak. He responds to a questino that i asked him in an earlier video, "what do you like?" when i took the initial video he did not want to answer....perhaps he was just being stubborn...but he remembered what i had asked him earlier and answered that question..when i watched the video it was around 2 am in douglas, ga about 2 weeks ago. I came across the video and could not believe it...it made me unbelievably HAPPY. i watched it about 5 times. the joy in my heart was a pure joy. pure pure pure happiness. it really makes me question why i am questioning my career choice...isn't this what your job should be about??? pure joy? not wanting to miss a day of school because you don't want to miss anything that those kids are doing? because that is exactly how i felt starting in march..i felt pretty s***ty a many times between march and may but i did not miss ONE day of school, i just couldn't be away from those kids. not one day, not one freakin day! i think i am supposed to be a kindergarten teacher....but for forever? damn its too hard...foreeevvverrrrrrrrrrrrr- what a daunting term..
back to the field trip- it ROCKED. the best part was the bus ride. its funny because so many ppl have told me "man i would hate to be on the bus ride." at one point landon was laying across my lap...the blood would rush to his head..he would cry out get up and then lay back. there was also a point in which he was laying on the ground of the bus. just layin there. im sure it provided immediate comfort. I told him to get up but ..he would not. and being the softy i am i let him continue to rest there in that position. Kyren and landon were both fascinated by brickbreaker on my phone. it was so sweet to watch them play...and strange...they were so focused..what is it about video games? they are an escape into a reality that is so close that it seems that we are the characters themselves. and we are so damn competitive....is it inherent? must be, if your not ....eh survival of the fittest...can i go that far to compare? i just did....
and back to the field trip once more....lol it was the s***. ah yes! i forgot to mention when my mom called and i gave the phone to landon...yes landon picked up with no inhibitions. when my mom asked him who he was his response was, "i'm landon shirely, wooly riding champion!!" it was so damn HILARIOUS hahahahahaha he then continued to maintain a great conversation with my mom. Towards the end of the conversation he said, "heres your daughter." hahahah how freakin awesome. ! i love him! i want to adopt him! i do! i do! i do! but he has a family...and a reason for being in it... : /
there was also the moment when we took a bathroom break at a gas station. most of the kids were lined up at that bus including landon; i finally had a moment to use the restroom myself. When I was almost to the gas station I heard little footsteps behind me...and behold it was landon! i am not sure the reason for his jog towards me but after it occured madi's grandma came bustling after him to keep him in safety's arm. i was not sure what to say to him...a child running after me...it was nice. it was nice to be needed...guess everyone would like to be needed...thats why most ppl want and crave relationships...the ultimate satisfaction of being needed. wow this entry has at many points steered far from the field trip. haha life . theres meaning in the littlest moments in life. i love landon shirley. and the rest of those 20 beatiful kids that were in my life last year. my next entry will be more specific on describing my kids throughout the year. kindergarten field trip- one of the best field trips ever.