What an eventful few weeks have surrounded me since I returned to Juárez after a wonderful Spring Break.  We had an American team here who worked on the school and even laid a brand-new basketball court!  We ventured in the community to complete our most recent service project, after which the kids were rewarded by being able to play for a while the inaugural games of soccer and basketball on that new court.  We've had several Mexican holidays?the least impressive of which, actually was Cinco de Mayo. 

 

We had Dia del Nino (Day of the Child) in which we cancelled classes but had school in order to do nothing but bless and celebrate the children of our school!  There were big jumping castle balloon thingies, carnival-type games with tickets to win prizes, clowns, ice cream?it was overall the best day of school any kid could ask for.  Why don't we have Day of the Child in the U.S.?  It seems that if there's anything worth celebrating, it's children.

 

The day after that was Dia de Trabajo (Day of Work)?in which no one works!  That's the celebration!  So I got to instead have coffee with a friend.  On another occasion, I was invited to a baby shower for the daughter in law of one of the moms here at the school.  I have to admit, I was a little nervous to go.  I didn't know the girl who was having the baby, and knew I wouldn't know many of the people there.  But some of my favorite moms showed up, keeping me company and insisting that I sit and talk with them.  And then the ladies that I hadn't previously known completely embraced me and welcomed me, the mother-to-be included.  I don't know why I had anticipated otherwise.  It was one of the most enjoyable evenings I can remember since I've been here.

 

One of the greatest holidays recently was Mother's Day in Mexico.  It fell on a Thursday this year, and it was also an occasion to cancel classes, but not school.  The students at our school had been working for over a month and a half on elaborate dances to perform for their mothers on Mother's Day.  I remember watching them practice, just amazed at how naturally it came to these little 5, 6, and 7 year olds.  I guarantee, these children dancing their hearts out for their moms was the most precious thing anyone could ever witness.  I love the tradition of it?that their moms probably learned dances very similar to the ones my students learned, and each year they will have this tradition to look forward to.  Mother's Day here at school was a chance for us to bless the women who have worked unceasingly for the care of their children, most of them beginning as mothers while they were barely emerging from childhood themselves.  Since of course Maria didn't want the moms to have to do any work in preparation for Mother's Day, she and I spent the days leading up to the celebration at school getting everything ready.  One night we spent hours searching for bargains to buy as many door prizes as possible for the ladies.  Another night we spent organizing and wrapping all the gifts, and still another was spent preparing an elaborate feast for these women who rarely have someone cook for them.

 

I loved being a part of making this a special day for these women, because they have become so special to me.  It was nothing but a privilege to see them simply sit in the shade, all of them beautiful and dressed up for the occasion, watching their children perform and not worrying about anything.  They needed at least a few hours of pampering, and it was really fun to be a part of.

 

This week another REALLY great holiday came along: Dia del Maestro (Day of the TEACHER!)  Now THERE'S something to celebrate.  This holiday necessitated not one, but TWO days off from school?a four-day weekend and a perfect opportunity to take some time off.  I spent the weekend in Ruidoso, New Mexico at a cabin with Maria and Gilbert, and their youngest sons Elijah and Jeremiah.  It was a time of refreshing from the Lord, after so much wonderful work at the school, but tiring work nonetheless.  It was a time to listen to His voice and give to Him again my life to use and mold as He wills.

 

I have been very confident in my eight months here in Juárez that God placed me here and has meant for me to be here.  But the struggle lately has been the "What next?" question.  There are lots of options?including working full time for International Family Missions, or staying on with the school and working with Touch the World as English teacher or in another capacity, or moving back to Colorado to teach or do something else, aside from the endless possibilities that could lie in other places and ministries.  In all of this, I found myself trying to "figure out" God's will, as if it were something easily explained that He should gift-wrap and deliver to me. 

 

The thing is, one thing He has taught me in my time here is to take steps with Him, and not worry about the thousands of steps to come.  That's faith.  He started me off with the same principal when I first arrived here and found myself starting to worry about the hundreds of days to come?how would I teach English?  What ministries should I be involved in?  Who would I find to fellowship with?  Then He used the illustration from His word of manna and the children of Israel in the wilderness.  Just as they weren't to keep any food overnight because He wanted to them to trust Him each day, so He was calling me to trust Him each day.  And it has made all the difference while I have been here to do that.

 

The tricky thing about making choices for the next phase of life is that those choices will invariable involve many coming days.  For this reason, it can be easy to be deceived into thinking that the "each day" principle doesn't apply when you're figuring something out like where to move and get a job.  But, again, God has been bringing me back to the same area to build my faith and trust in Him.  Just because a choice I make will have implications for the days ahead, it still does not give me a reason to analyze or worry about the days ahead.

 

I found myself weighing all the options before me?pros and cons.  I could find ways that I could serve God in all of them, things that would be challenges in all of them, what would be the most practical, but then also what would require the most faith, and where I could figure people most "needed" God, but then how could I be the judge of that.  On and on it went and it was driving me crazy!  I kept crying out to the Lord for some big sign to show me the RIGHT CHOICE to make!  But as I was trying to figure it all out, I was still holding onto some thought that I could mess up and make the wrong choice, thus ruining all God's plans for Him.  Ha!

 

It's not for me to be the change agent in the lives around me, wherever it is that God places me.  Sometimes I have been very clear about where He wanted me to go and what He wanted me to do.  Other times it has not been so clear.  Undoubtedly, the latter instances require more faith, at least in my heart.  The faith comes in taking just the one small step I believe He is guiding me in at a certain moment, and not analyzing, worrying, and trying to figure out what it will "mean" in the coming months and years.  God knows what it means!

 

He recently had me take a step with Him to decide that I will go back to Colorado after my time in Juárez is done this summer.  That's all I know for now.  The second step He had me take?after much praying, soul-searching, worrying, and basic indecisiveness?was to resign from the teaching job I held for the two years preceding my time in Juárez.  I was up and down and all around about it?and it basically came down to trusting that He will provide for my every need?financial, social, spiritual?and my security lies in Him and not my job.  He may still guide me back there someday or to another school; I don't know.  All I know is that the laying down the indecision was the step of faith I needed to take.

 

An amazing step He's been inspiring me to take is a writing project I'm undertaking.  I guess it will be a book?though in what capacity God will lead me to use it, I'm not sure.  Born out of my passion for the teen girls I've been ministering to in Juárez, I have become more overcome with desire for teenage girls and young women to find their identity, love, and source of worth in Jesus Christ and none other.  As He has been reminding me of lessons He's taught me, He's led me to teach them to my girls, and now to write them down.  This is something I believe He wants me to see to completion, and has also influenced my decision for now not to return to my teaching position in Colorado.

 

The cool thing about just taking a step with the Lord, is that He is always right by my side, and He knows the road to come!  To me, it will be a grand adventure, fraught with surprises and joys and sometimes heartache and pain?but as the Bible says, "The giver of the promise can be trusted."

 

When I fear, doubt, and dread, and try to "figure out" which step to take?the faith I long for does not come.  But when I pray, "commit my way to the Lord" as the Word says, and simply take a step, the faith I had been lacking to take the step suddenly arrives.  And I am encouraged, because God is at work and He invites me to be a part of His work, wherever the road may lead.