Do you ever have those moments where you seem to hop out of time, take a step back, look at where the Lord has brought you in your life and think, “Wow. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined this is where I would be. I never would have thought this is what I would be doing.” When you know it’s the Lord who brought you to this place, it tends to be the best kind of feeling. I’ve been having those a lot recently, especially since I just broke out my God journal from a year ago. I’ve been keeping a God journal for the past three years or so—a place where I keep my conversations with the Lord, write down His word as different passages move me—sometimes where I just rant and rave or record the events of a day. Reading my worrisome thoughts from the months leading up to my move to Juárez remind me just how uncertain and scary the whole thing was to me. As much as I trusted the Lord had opened this door to me, there were still so many doubts. Why was I moving away from my family and friends and a home church I loved? Why was I leaving a job I loved and where I felt I was already doing good? Why was I going to a Spanish-speaking country when I didn’t speak Spanish? Everything seemed so cloudy, and it’s alright that it was. It was always more than clear to the Lord, and he made sure each step I took was alight with his brilliance. He also knew that in not lighting the entire journey ahead, I would have to trust him and lean on him more.

Here are just a few examples of what I mean. These were hop-out-of-time moments that made me go, “Huh. This is really my life! Never woulda thought it.”

My best friend and college roomie, Megan King, made a special trip all the way down here to Juárez to spend a week with me. Now, she and I have been through a lot together and have gone several places together. But it’s just another one of those—I never would have pictured this—blessings when I look back on the week with her. In those formative years of our friendship, I never dreamed that one day she would be visiting me in Mexico, playing with kids at orphanages together as we both had fun throwing our Spanish vocabulary out there. She brought her gifts, talents, and love to the kids here and the fact that they’ve asked about her EVERY DAY since she left is a testimony to the kind of impact she made. God doesn’t take you somewhere without a reason for doing it, that’s for sure!

I lead worship for our Friday devotionals at school. Just me, my guitar, an overhead, and 75 Mexican kiddos along with teachers packed into our little school cafeteria. Yesterday, we were singing, and I have been teaching them the Spanish version of “You Alone Are Worthy of My Praise” over past weeks. We sang it yesterday, and at one point I had the kids sing without me. I wish you could have been there to hear the beauty of that sound. They knew the song, and they sang it wish such a heart that it almost broke mine. Their little voices united and reverberated between the cinderblock walls. It was a transcendent moment. A year ago, how could I have known? This school didn’t exist to me then, now it is part of my life. I barely knew the most rudimentary phrases in Spanish, and now I lead worship in the language! I thought I would be doing something outside of a school, and here I am more involved in one than ever. So different than I would have imagined, yet God shaped me for this as if I were a piece of a puzzle fitting snugly into the picture.

Another transcendent moment came a couple of nights ago. Maria invited myself and our school secretary, Susy (one of my dearest friends here) to go to a conference at a hotel in downtown Juárez for the Chihuahua Institute for Women. She didn’t know what to expect, but it was a fun opportunity to be together and maybe make some contacts for people who could come to our community to help the women here. The presentation was very professional, and I could see that this was a good organization dedicated to helping women escape abusive situations and make a brighter future for themselves. A couple of times I stopped and thought, “Wow, I am really here.” First, when I realized I understood most of what the speakers were saying! If your have ever tried to learn another language, you will understand what I mean when I say it truly is miraculous! I am not fluent or perfect in Spanish by any means, but just six months ago, it would have all sounded like gibberish. Now, I can pick out the specific words and usually get the gist of what people are trying to say. I am so thankful! It opens up so many opportunities to hold conversations with an entirely different nationality of people! The possibilities are endless.

During that same conference, I found myself getting very passionate about the topics the speakers were presenting. Statistics on abuse against women in the Mexican state of Chihuahua, with Juárez being at the very forefront. Testimonies of the lives of women, and seeing artwork and hearing poems about their tragic lives. It affected me, and that’s when it dawned on me how much I truly care for this city and the people here. A couple of years ago, a city called Juárez, Mexico couldn’t have been further from my mind. I think the first time the city even came to my attention was when I saw Napoleon Dynamite (it’s the hometown of Pedro, for fellow fans of the funniest movie ever). And now, I am desperately concerned and interested in what goes on here. It is a part of me and always will be.

One more interesting moment dawned on me last night as I was sitting in my apartment spending time with the Lord in the dark. It wasn’t dark because I had turned out all the lights—it was dark because of a blackout that had been persisting for several hours. No matter where God has taken me or what He’s chosen to do with my life, He always seems to call me back to sitting at His feet and spending time with Him. It’s in that place that I am refreshed and He reminds me of His sovereignty and care in my life. Without any electricity, it was eerily quiet and I could hear all the goings-on outside my window. All the stray dogs barking. People walking by, laughing and talking. Wacky Mexican music being played on someone’s car stereo. The guy in the truck with the loudspeaker selling something (usually it’s peanuts). These have become the normal background noise of my days here, and it occurred to me last night how strangely accustomed to them I’ve grown. They are kind of comforting, because they remind me where I am and I love where I am. Again, not anything I would have expected for my life a year or two ago.

God always knew, that’s all I can say. I have to admit, I find myself wondering and worrying about what will come next. I think maybe that’s one of the reasons God had me “stumble” across my old journal—to remind me how much in control He was when I couldn’t see past one day down the road. He is the same God today. I wonder where I will be next year, but I choose not to worry about where I will be next year. I hope, whether here or elsewhere, I will be filled with awe as I am now, even as I laugh with God and say, “Boy, I never would have expected this!”

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever…” Psalm 138:8