Wow, settling back in sure can be a challenge, but the Lord supplies the strength for it all! I have to admit, coming back to Juarez after Christmas break was HARD. I am not sure why--of course I will miss my family, but I have been away from them before. I live in a foreign place, but with people who look out for me, love me, and make me feel very welcome. I am doing something I truly enjoy--so why was I so discontented to be back?

I think one of the factors was that somehow, somewhere along the way, I had lost sight of who it was that brought me to Juarez. All the doubts of "why am I here?" "what good am I really doing?" and so on and so forth all came back to me. At first I didn't know if I was going to make it.

But, as He always does, the Lord came through to smash the lies of the enemy with His truth. First He did it (of course) with His word. I am currently doing a Bible study on the Fruit of the Spirit and "just happened" to be on the week about Faithfulness when I got back. First, God took me through the fire to confront His faithfulness and if I really BELIEVED He was faithful. The word says, "Faithful is He that calleth you." Well, God has definitely called me here. Do I believe He is faithful to complete what we started, even when I miss my friends and family? Even when I don't feel like I've made connections with people here? Even when all other sources of input seem to scream that it's useless? I can't say it's easy. But the more I prayed, as the doubting father who wanted Christ to deliver his son, "Lord I believe! Help thou mine unbelief"--He has been answering my prayer...and I begin to realize again that the reality of what I cannot see VASTLY outweighs the reality of what I can see. I may never fully know all the Lord is doing in these days--at least not this side of heaven.

God also used the encouragement of a very godly and amazing lady named Ada. A few nights ago, I went to her orphanage, thinking I might "bless" the kids there. Well, the kids weren't there. And Ada and I spend four hours talking instead. In those 4 hours, I learned about what it is really like to run an orphanage as a single woman--the love for the kids, the fight with the government, the struggle of helping to mend their broken lives. For ten years she has been loving kids as her own, and I realize that God has given me an example of what it means to serve Him in the way I say I want to serve Him for the lives of children. Ada also encouraged me in this time in my life. She told me about when she was in her twenties, how there were many open doors from the Lord. Some she stepped through, some she didn't. Looking back, she told me that whatever she thought was a great sacrifice at the time turned out to be very small in comparison to the blessing of knowing she was a part of God's awesome working in His kingdom. God used that night to remind me of my call, and to remember that even being away from my friends and family is a sacrifice that He loves and honors. Praise the Lord that He reveals Himself even more fully through the things that hurt! Praise the Lord that it is ALL for a reason!

I can't say that discouragement and doubt won't come again. But each lesson learned from the Lord is for the future as well as the present. He is at work all around me, and is using me--I have to believe He is faithful to do that--in the days I can see it, and the days that I can't.