Sometimes bearing witness to a tiny instant of natural beauty or experiencing a moment of connection with nature a can uplift and rejuvenate a soul. Today we were lucky enough to bear a whole load of witnesses and have several moments of connection.

The day started with breakfast. We decided to keep it light because we had lunch reservations. That did mean that I was left with the agonising choice of whether to have 2 pancakes with French toast or without. In the end I felt I could justify having the French toast. I just struggled to articulate my justification.

We then took a taxi to the KL Bird Park. This was a walk in aviary hosting an array of bird species. Naturally, some of them flapped their wings on occasion. This, more often than not, resulted in hysterical shrieks from women all over the park (including mine.). I found myself trying to decipher bird calls from the various tones and dialects of squawking female homo sapiens. In defense of the aforementioned gender, there were a couple of large pelican type birds that clearly had the capability of swallowing a medium sized human by mistake. One such bird opened his or her beak when I approached. I peered down into the keratinised abyss and, well, added to the sound effects resonating through the bird park. Having had my masculinity firmly handed to me on a plate, I felt it was time to move on from the park, this time to a place less likely to ingest me.

Our next stop was the KL Butterfly Park. Fortunately butterflies tend not to have a reputation of human consumption. That being said, their ability to flutter dangerously close to the faces of humans often seemed to bring about a similar reaction to the flapping birds. I wondered if flapping of any sort invokes that sort of reaction. After some deep thinking on how best to test the theory, I decided I would flap near my wife. She looked at me in that way that demonstrates pity that my brain is so unrefined that I would behave that way in public.

After the failure of this experiment, I decided it was not a scientific way to go about it. After all, my wife knew me. If she had a pet bird or butterfly, I doubt she would wince every time they flapped or fluttered. So it was decided that I should locate somebody equally flustered by the winged beasts, and replicate the experiment.

It did not go well. Let's leave it at that.

After being asked to leave the butterfly park, we headed down to the Museum of Islamic History. This was an extraordinary building filled with incredible facts and artifacts relating to the history of Islam. It was a place which stimulated inner and outer reflection. It was unfortunate we did not have the time to spend the entire day there absorbing the information and history.

Then it was lunch at Atmosphere 360. This is a revolving restaurant at the top of the world's 6th largest tower - Menara Tower. The restaurant is a staggering 282 metres high. I am told that on a good day outer space and The Great Wall of China can be seen from the restaurant. Something like that anyway. The buffet was reasonably priced, but there are a couple of things I feel obligated to warn you about should you ever have the need to visit this restaurant. First of all, they offered beans for desert. Several types of beans (for the arab speakers reading this foul and fasolya to name a couple!) in fact. I didn't realise that you could just add sugar to a savory food item and call it desert. I am planning to make sweet falafel upon my return to the UK. I think it could be a hit.

The second, and in many ways more important, thing I should mention is the rest room. I know I mentioned that a bathroom I visited yesterday left me feeling infringed upon, but that was child's play compared to what I encountered today. The toilet seat had a warning sign on it. It said that I should read the instruction manual to avoid injury. The toilet seat said this.

As the apprehension set in, I located the navigation panel. I am fairly sure two or more people should be operating this toilet at any given moment. It felt like I needed some sort of qualification to be permitted to conduct my business here. I felt inadequate. I could sense the ceramic and plastic mocking me. Daring me. Having had my masculinity injured once already today (and being 282 metres above ground with no alternative toilet facilities) I took up the Toshiba Toilet Challenge (yes, it was made by Toshiba. A TOILET.).

I lost.

I now have a burnt side and a frozen numb side. I am fairly sure a human rights breach has taken place today. I have written a strongly worded email to Amnesty. I will update you on their response.

We headed back to the hotel for a few minutes to freshen up (after fighting with several taxi drivers over their reluctance to use their meters), and were picked up to be taken on the next leg of our adventure. This involved driving approximately 90 minutes outside of Kuala Lumpur. There was a pleasant stop off along the way, where we got out of the car and had a bunch of monkeys jump all over us. These gentle beasts were a real highlight of the day. Being so close to these wild creatures was incredible. And smelly. Wild monkeys do not own wash facilities. They also spell their plural wrong. Surely it should be monkies? Stupid primates.

Our driver then offered us the chance to get a boat and witness the feeding of wild eagles. We accepted. This was a truly enthralling spectacle. Watching the eagles swoop down into the water made me realise the majesty of these birds. Their elegance in the sky was something to behold. It felt like we were watching the Royals of the air.

Feeling a little hungry, we stopped at a local seafood restaurant. Our waiter must have told the chef that a party of 20 was following us into the restaurant. Either that or that we had several stomachs each. Whatever he told him, the chef bestowed upon us a superfluity of nourishment. I felt terrible that by the time we had our fill and drank our coconuts, the table looked pretty much identical to the time before we started eating. Apart from the mess I made where I was sitting. I hate it when I spill some unspecified/unidentified food liquid onto the table cloth at a restaurant. I feel my three options are:

1. Run. Leave the table. Leave the restaurant. Never return. At least I won't have to look the waiter in the eye with him or her knowing about the terrible deed.

2. Try to cover it with a plate or ornament on the table. This is a reasonable option because if one is resourceful with the covering item, the surprise only hits the waiter long after you have departed from the restaurant.

3. Try to fix it. Clean it, wipe it, spray paint it. Whatever it takes to make it look normal.

Unfortunately for me, I chose option 3. My endeavour to make the table cloth cleaner resulted in it appearing that I had actually chosen to wipe my plate clean with the tablecloth and then add toppings to make a sort of gooey slush. This is difficult to explain to a waiter.

Of course, the waiter never asks what happened. But I saw it in his eyes. The distain. The disgust. My attempt at an explanation only resulted in the waiter also thinking I am a liar, trying to hide my perverted eating habits. It saddened me that I will be remembered this way.

Our final activity was something truly magnificent. We took a boat ride down the river to see a natural spectacle unlike any I had witnessed before. We got to see fireflies dancing aglow in the pitch dark trees drowned in the engorged river. These tiny bioluminescent beetles put on a dazzling auroral show for us. I was hypnotised by them. A truly remarkable way to end our time in Kuala Lumpur.

I should probably mention that before going on this trip, they convinced me to purchase a sachet. They told me that within this sachet was mosquito repellent, which would protect me from the naughty biting insects on the river. The sachet said "soft and gentle" on the front, putting me at ease regarding its contents. This was a mistake. Upon the application of the cream onto my face, the pain was such that it took every ounce of energy I had not to cry. I am fairly sure that this was not any sort of insect repellent but a substance which stimulated pain receptors to such an extent that being bitten would not be felt. It was like a pre-emptive strike on my skin. Rather than allowing mosquitos to hurt me, I would do it myself with this stuff. My face is still glowing almost as much as the fireflies were. At least I wasn't bitten. I think.

Tomorrow we head to Langkawi, where I hope to bring you more tales of excitement and adventure.

In my next blog, I will give you the low down on how to remove stains from tablecloths.