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19th Feb
Two young boys of maybe 6 or 7 years old, with their rosey cheeks from the bitter wind and their dirty, worn out clothes, try to entice passer buyers to purchase a bunny rabbit or gold fish with some cheeky banter and cute smiles. I watch this scene for over 10 minutes. Clearly the education isn't there, the money isn't strong within their family, but they're not begging or, stealing, perhaps just boldly over charging but in a way that didn't seem to put people off.
I looked closely at a black and white bunny rabbit as it slighty rocked itself back and forth within it's tiny cage. "Bunny rabbit? Look after it? Realistic? No, BUT he's so sad!" I thought to myself. After time, what I presumed was their mother appeared. She carried a round bowl which contained many different sized turtles. My parents and I once had a tortoise so at this point I was interested by her 'goods' I had only gone to WalMart for some washing powder, but these young sellers outside had intrigued me and well I walked away with more than washing powder...
Walking around WalMart I rang Darcy, not sure what to do with myself "Hi Darcy, erm I'm currently stood in the middle of WalMart with a mini turtle sat in the palm of my hand" I had bought a turtle!! I didn't know what they ate or how they lived but it was either that or a rocking bunny rabbit and so I thought this was practically the better choice!
21st Feb
Checklist:
Bought rollerblades
'Still so many answers I don't know. Realize that to question is how we grow. So I step out of the ordinary. I can feel my soul ascending. I'm on my way. Can't stop me now...' Heather Small sings her heart out as the sun beams down on my face. Last Monday I made the trip on the subway into Shanghai to apply for a new visa. Today was my collection date and it was a success, granting me another months stay.
"Hello Terrance" I say, returning back. "Terrance?" Lifting up the lettuce, the material, lifting up everything. "Ahh Terrance, where are you?!" Slowly walking around my room, I managed to find him hiding behind my curtains "Phew!" He cleverly, climbed out of his container home.
Half past 6, my third lesson, I notice Amy is sobbing in her chair, really sobbing in a way she can't breath properly. I ask Linda to look after her whilst I try to continue with the beginning of my lesson. Amys Grandfather barges into the classroom shouting at her. What is going on? Linda asks him to leave and Amy slowly calms down, but I could see she kept catching his glimpse through the door and would start crying once again. I told Linda, either Amy moved seats or the Grandfather moved away from the door. I was starting to get agitated.
The last time I saw a child sob like that was in Uganda. The reason, beating. I know this wasn't the case, Amy had only just walked into my classroom. But I kept saying to myself 'please not again!...' I tried to explain to Linda after the lesson why I was fighting back the tears but she didn't understand, nor Lisa. I did sound silly, talking about beatings, her Grandfather was just being strict! Let me explain: In Uganda, beatings/corporal punishment occured on a regular basis. I saw many scenes that I took in, stored in the back of my mind and moved on. It didn't seem to effect me, it was part of the culture. I felt so stupid for being how I was feeling and thinking what I was but I say it didn't effect me, but clearly it's deep inside, it's within me, something that I just locked away, trying to forget about the tears and cries. But they were my children, such young children and so seeing Amy in such a state, brought back those distressing, guilty memories and that's why I told myself, 'please not again' I couldn't see it happened again to such babies.
My last lesson, usually a good class for some reason were on rampage. I wasn't in the mood, after still feeling senstive with the Amy drama. Half way through my lesson, I asked Boom to translate "You are making me sad, as you are being naughty. Teacher is upset now, because usually you are good" At this point I sat down on the floor "I am not going to teach you if you are being bad" And sat there until they could see I genuinely wasn't feeling myself. They were good to me and the last 20 minutes luckily flew by.
"Emma you are usually a happy women" Linda said as we walked to the bus stop. This made me happier just by the fact she'd called me a women!
Upon returning back to the apartment I did still feel like a good cry thinking about what the kids might have been up to today but I text Madam Jane (my neigbour, my African mum) saying I missed her so much! And felt alot better after telling myself I was just being daft!
I was hoping for an early night after not getting much sleep these past couple of days but it's gone midnight, not that I mind now...
Andy and I went across the hall. Oh sorry, I have yet to add Andy to my story ion China; Andy is 26 years old, from America and had been a teacher at All Young School. He'd returned to America for 6 weeks and has now returned to Songjiang to study Mandarin at the University and so he's spent the week in the spare room whilst he found an apartment in Shanghai. And so, we headed across the hall to meet my cheerful neigbours, Samuel and Tina. Some wine, conversation flowing as much as their English would allow, it was lovely way to end probably my worst day in Songjiang so far. They were lovely and I'm hoping to pop across a few nights in the week to help with their English and they can help me start my Chinese.
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