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Now I'm right up sh1t street. I didn't write yesterday so now there's twice as much excitement just waiting to make its way to these pages. God only knows where to start.
Going back to breakfast at the Best Western yesterday where we made waffles, much to our own amusement. We had cereal, waffles and toast before loading up the car. While staggering along with the stuff I accidentally trod on Nicks foot and laughed hysterically. I had tears rolling down my face and could hardly breathe. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Nick didn't find it nearly as funny, which only proved to make me worse. I was almost out of control!
The weather was crap again. Chilly and foggy and there I am, milling about it shorts and a vest. Everyone else had windbreakers and boots! Spot the tourist.
We made loads of stops along the way to admire the ever-changing landscape. We were hugging the coast one minute, surrounded by fields or up a mountain the next. It's called the Pacific Coast Highway so we assumed it would be a coast road. Clearly we were wrong. Didn't really matter cos it was thick fog for most of the morning anyway.
Made a pit stop in a place called Gaviota. Only stopped for a quick wee. I'm not a fan of public toilets at the best of times but these were surprisingly good. As I came dawdling out I noticed a big yellow sign. It has a funny little symbol on it, one I haven't seen before. Being the nose-ache that I am I went for closer inspection. What do I find?? A pi$$ing RATTLE snake warning. Jesus Christ! No wonder I haven't seen that symbol before. Not just any old snake, (not sure that would have mattered) but Rattlers!! Imagine finding one in the loo? It's just as well I didn't see the sign before I went in. I might have resorted to weeing myself as an alternative. I showed Nick the signs and he just rolled his eyes. Why does he think all the warning signs don't apply to us???
Lunch was in a funny little chicken shop called Pollo Loco. It reminded us of the place in Breaking Bad so that's the reason we chose it. Nick had a delightful concoction of chicken, mash and mac & cheese. I had chicken salad. Finally! A decent amount of veg.
We managed to find the street that was 'Hilldale' in Back to the Future and I was more excited than is normally for a 40 year old woman. Anyone would think we'd actually seen Michael J Fox, not just the street he drove along 30 years ago. I took too many pictures of a street corner. I must have looked like a mad woman.
From there we were back on the coat road, through Malibu and into Santa Monica. Arrived here at the Airbnb place at 4.30pm, both breaking out necks for a wee. Jo showed us where we'd be staying. It's a purpose built building in her garden. Turns out she lives with her wife, their lodger and 3 dogs. The brother lives in the rooms above ours. Jo and her brother Eddie are really friendly and gave the most detailed tour. Not only of the room we are staying in but of the entire garden and everything in it. Lemons, limes, tomatoes, peppers, all manner of plants I didn't recognise and even the creepy crawlies. All I could think about was how much I wanted to wee on them, rather than admire them. We finally made it into our room and I thought we were home and dry. And then Jo decided to give us her life history. I was so close to the loo I could almost touch it. She rabbitted on for an hour. She was very nice. As nice as a Jewish, vegan with almost every ailment that doesn't kill you can be.
The room is beautiful though and she has thought of everything. There's even a bottle of champagne in the fridge to help me celebrate my birthday. As soon as we were able to get rid of her we had a wee, grabbed our stuff and was out the door. We arrived in Santa Monica beach just in time to see the sunset. It was simply stunning. The sun was a perfect ball of burnt orange. It took all of about 2 minutes to sink into the sea. Although it was out of sight the beach and the sky remained a warm dusty pink colour. I couldn't tear my eyeballs away. The lifeguard towers looked almost black against the vivid backdrop. All I needed was Sam Elliott to appear from the 1976 film 'The Lifeguard'. I loved that film and almost felt like an extra in it.
Once it got dark we headed onto the pier. It was everything I thought it would be and more. The sounds and the smells. Its lovely to take photos as a reminder but they obviously lack the atmosphere. I have engraved every single moment so far into my brain. We looked in the shops that sell over priced touristy stuff and went in the amusements. We played a couple of shooting games which I took far too seriously. I was really going for it and it paid off cos I thrashed Nick. He won't admit that I was the winner but I clearly was.
We walked up the high street bit after all that excitement. There's so many homeless people and weirdos everywhere. I spent half my time thinking how sad it is and wondering how this happens to so many people and the rest of the time s***ting myself in case we got mugged. A woman with a beard to rival Nicks looked like she wanted to strangle us and I didn't know if I needed a s***, shave or a shampoo.
Dinner was Nicks choice. Steak N Shake. The woman serving in there acted like she was our new best friend and couldn't do any more to help us. We had a burger, a toasted sandwich and a peanut butter milkshake. Nick was overcome with excitement. He is so easily pleased. All the things we've seen and he gets excited about a burger.
Back to our cubby hole after for bed. The windows were open and the little crickets in the garden serenaded us to sleep. I slept like a log and for the first time this holiday Nick slept til gone 7. What a treat! We went to Jinkys for breakfast. It was nice but quite expensive. We only went there cos Phil, Emma and Ben went. It was a nice leisurely start to the day before we headed off on the bus tour. And that was where it all went horribly wrong.
We got on a little mini bus type thing for a tour of LA, Hollywood, Celeb houses etc. It started well. Mike, our driver, was pointing out all sorts of things we might want to see. Then after about 20 mins his PA system broke!! We were right at the back of the bus and couldn't hear a thing. The bus had open sides too so the road noise was just too loud. He stopped to point out famous people's houses and everyone-else was taking pictures. We were completely oblivious. That coupled with the fact he was an appalling driver was enough to make us both lose total interest and for Nick to get the right hump. Not at all what I had hoped for when I booked it. We saw the Beckham's house and where Dean Martin used to live. We saw the place that The Eagles refer to as 'Hotel California' and that momentarily cheered Nick up. I was so gutted. I wanted him to really enjoy it. He had the Gopro ready to film the whole thing and it was a total waste of time.
We made a couple of stops that were ok though. We went to Rodeo Drive. Nick saw a big yellow car that he was impressed with and I saw the hotel from Pretty Woman, which pleased me no end. Then Victoria Beckham drove past us! We saw the apartment block where the final scene of Pretty Woman was filmed and I was beyond excited about that.
I saw Sylvester Stallone standing outside a restaurant. I got excited for a second and then realised Nick hadn't seen him. It made me wish I hadn't seen him either. I seemed to be having all the luck. We stopped at the farmers market for lunch and bought a lovely fruit bowl to eat on the beach.
We went to the Hollywood sign. We took pictures with the sign on our heads but it was tiny. Nick was giving up the will to live by then because of the crappy tour but I couldn't help be a bit impressed. I was determined we were going to enjoy just a little bit of it. I'm glad we got to see the sign.
Our last stop, and my favourite, was Hollywood. It was heaving with people, street artists dressed up as various things and even a man with a snake. He caught me unawares and made me jump out of my skin. We saw loads of stars on the floor. We found Lou Rawls and that gave me a lump in my throat because he sang our wedding song. Bruce Lee's star had so many Chinese people round it I thought a sink hole had appeared. I had to take their picture, all gathered round. I thought it was hilarious but Nick said I was being wicked. We both got really excited over Wayne Newtons star. Unsurprisingly, no one else seemed to want a picture of that one haha! I love that we both found it so funny and I love that it doesn't mean anything to anyone other than us. It's just our thing.
We found Frank Sinatra's foot print so I made Nick stand on it. When we found Dean Martins I made him put a hand a foot on it. I didn't mean at the same time but he got the wrong end of the stick and looked like he was playing a game of twister! I laughed so hard I couldn't take the picture. I got it in the end but only after a bout of hysterics from me and an almost slipped disc from Nick.
The drive home was hair raising to say the least. Mike must have got his driver's license from a Christmas cracker! One minute he was accelerating like a loon and the next he was stomping on the breaks til we all nearly fell out of our seats. Being a professional driver, Nick was far from amused and refused to tip him out of protest.
There were some highlights but on the whole it was nowhere near what we expected and what we paid for. I'd already decided to email them to complain when we got back. I need not have bothered because they emailed me to say they were sorry it was so bad and they gave us our money back. Too bloody right. Suddenly the trip was a whole lot better once Nick found out it was free.
Once we got off the bus from hell, we sat on the beach watching the sunset, eating fruit and looking back at the pictures. It's the simple things.
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