Another couple of weeks without the blog! Apologies to any readers out there who may have been missing it, do not fear though as the blog will continue no matter what. Even if I have to write it in an earthquake, I mention this as we are currently heading in the direction of Christchurch. So here is the last couple of weeks broken down again for your viewing pleasure.

1. NELSON

After an extended recovery from Boobs Birthday we grabbed a stupidly early bus to get to the ferry for our departure to South Ilsland. Our motley crew no Encompassed Hatty Frankie Clemmie and Weinessa. The last of which had to overcome extreme heartache and stifled tears when Chewy said his farewell. This will not be a final goodbye though as arrangements have been made for a reunion in NZ. More heartbreaking seperation in the evening when the 3 other girls took the bus the following morning, we would, however, be following them later in the week and meeting them in Queenstown. With no lady friends present we spent a day in the Abel Tasman national Park, very pituresque with many things to see and do if you can afford it, which we, especially Boob, could not. Chewy also managed to find time to head to a Rugby game where he accomplished two things. 1. Feeding his ego by realising he is bigger than Dan Carter. 2. Angering locals by questioning what was at stake in the game. 3. Getting his disgruntled face in the local paper (see Facebook).

2. WESTPORT

Pretty much a non event here as Boobs cash was limiting him to Supermarket branded Vanilla Coke and Bread. Therefore he settled down with the afforementioned meal to watch Return of the King so as to forget his financial issues. It had the desired effect as he was soon joined by Chewy, Harry and around 20 others. You gotta love LOTR.
There were of course a mixture of new and old faces on the Kiwi bus now as we had changed dates a couple of times.The folks now with us would be with us all the way dwon to Queenstown and they were indeed a great bunch. A much more respectable bus than some and a good degree of culture aswell. People like Alex Adam Laura Jonny Andy The Polish Prince BRYAN Ollie Ed Rachel Laura Frida Adam Christopher.

3. THE PU PARTY

Now as we're sure you have seen via Facebook we did partake in some cross dressing antics, Ward didn't. Basically the theme was What the f***!? So you know, what the f***...Let's get some fake boobs and stockings! Some SERIOUS Gay Abandon on this night for sure apologies to anyone scarred by the photos. Chewy especially seemed far too comfortable in his new attire so much so he kept the eye liner on for 2 days. Boob has also retained my girly short shorts as they make a comfortable pouch for his package to sleep in. Ward presided over the event, looking ultra slick in his leather jacket and aviator combo. Present at the party (wearing the red lifeguard pants in the photos) were Nick and Lewis. 2 Welsh legends who had bought a car and had decided to follow the Kiwi bus all the way down, crashing parties and being extremely entertaining. We'll be hooking up with them a fair bit in the future for sure, In Australia or Birmingham! Let's do it!

4. FRANZ JOSEPH

Setting out from a mint hostel with a free hot tub, Harry and Wardy ventured on up the Glacier, located just outside town (an extremely small town). They brough back rave reviews and Wardys usual troublesome knee held up to the icy punishment. Boob and Chew went on their own little adventure with Lewis and Nick. Whislt contemplating wether Ward was in the many helicopters, they stealthily made their way to the glacier where they were greeted to a mixture of looks from hikers and guides alike. These included distain, awe, anger, frustration and jealousy. Once they had reached the glacier they retreated and hiked up a side path for about 4 hours to get a great panoramic view. They celebrated their free acheivments for the day by getting naked on a very precarious ledge for a photo snap. Back we went, beer, hot tub and food cooked up by The Oracle Chewy and Welsh.
The second night there brough a large success for Boob as he triumphed in a 32 person rock paper scissors tournament without one loss to his name. His prize was a free Nevis Arc Swing, see Facebook. Needless to say he was ecstatic and fate had intervened to save those with no money to their name, lucky in games though he may be his health is deteriorating. Numerous, seperate illnesses and afflictions corroding his body.

5. LAKE WANAKA

Just one night here which was spent drinking, little to report apart from some fun antics on the drive there when the bus taking us broke down and we sat on the road contemplating how long before our first ass raping.

6. QUEENSTOWN

We initially were set for 4 nights here that just became 8, this was because this place was, quite frankly, the s***! Here are the highlights.

1 - Reunited with Hatty Frankie and Clemmie. Boob and Ward went bar crawling. This was an incredible first night involving carrying Clemmie home unconsious midway through the crawl to CHUNDAAA EVERYWWHHEEERREEE!!! The 4 remaining headed back out, met up with the others, got smashed and went to World Bar. The only place to be at the end of a night out in Queenstown. Great music, great girls, cheapish drinks plus they serve them in teapots, which was stupidly brilliantly.

2 - Fergberger highly recommended it pleased everyone Chewy the least Harry the most. He was on 8 in counting and at the time of writing is still in Queenstown.

3 - Bungy jumping. You've probably already seen the vids but this is even better than it looks, we all agreed it was probably the best thing we have ever done, although Harry did prefer the Skydive. It went, in terms of scard level out of ten...:-

Lewis - 8
Nick - 7
Boob - 3
Chew - 7
Ward - 11
Harry - 6

As the adrenaline was waring off Boob went to do his free Nevis swing and suped it up a bit by going upside down and backwards.

4 - A very emotional and final farewell to the girls, they promised to visit us in Birmingham for Boobs birthday next year so keep your eyes peeled for developments.

5 - Harrys drunken antics. The penultimate night brought a moment of despair for the 3 wise men as they witnessed The Oracles slow decline into drunkeness reached another level. I won't reveal too much here other than that he was kicked out, returned and wreaked havoc on any females in his vicinity. He also attempted to chat up a cash point which is as funny as it sounds.

6 - St Paddy's day. Being the stellar representatives of England that we are, we did not sucumb to the green oblivion that was this night, instead we casually got drunk and fed on the scraps the Irish left behind, another very fun evening.

We are now sitting on 13 hour bus with Boobs infection eating up his body, all missing Queenstown already.

SIDENOTES

- Australian visas are stupidly expensive.
- Harry's still in Queenstown following his failure to make the bus.
- Ward hates heights more now than he did before the Bungy.
- We have all read 8 books.
- Harry wants to be a gangster/novelist.
- Chewy still falls asleeps everywhere, mainly in girls beds.
- Lost a 5 a side tournament in which Chewy missed a penalty, and we fell at the semi final hurdle
- Boob lost a bucking bronco competition by 2 seconds, further injuring himself.

MORE SOON OUR LOYAL FOLLOWERS, PEACE AND LOVE.

Written by Tim Rubery
Typed up by James Ward