Things About New Zealand Drivers and Rules That Induce Road Rage in the otherwise even tempered and calm pilot of our lovely vessel:
1. When ´the light turns green in an intersection you are supposed to MOVE your freaking ass ACROSS!!! Not just sit there in your car going freaking granny speed so that only half the people ever make it!!!
2. When you drive out in front of another car you are suppose to hit the speeder, you know the little pedal that makes your car move, and get a move on, not just stroll along!!!
3. And who, WHO was the stupid smug that invented the idiotic rule of "people turning left have to wait for people turning right before they are allowed to turn" rule? It is an idiotic rule and it makes absolutely no sense and it confuses the blip out of the pilot and makes her a bit PMS!!!! Dumbass rule!!!!
Ahh there is nothing like venting ones anger!!!
We hate mozzies, and propose that someone either find us some mosquito balm that works or that we eradicate the little b******s!!! We vote to nuke them… but the damn things would probably survive, so we will settle for a mosquito balm that kills every mozzie in a tree mile zone around us, and makes their babies shrivell up and die in their eggs. Just kill them KILL them!!!
We will repeat our previous statement: Ahh there is nothing like venting ones anger!!!
Well… I guess its time to tell you what we did in the unknown territories. Well we drove a lot, but that's a given!!! First off we headed toward Christchurch, were we managed to get completely lost in their annoying one way street system. The person who invented one way streets should be tortured and then shot, because you ALWAYS have to turn the wrong way!! As you can see, this caused another bout of road rage. But once the car was parked it passed…. Well almost!!
The first time we were in Christchurch, they had, what they called a Buskers Festival. Actually they just had loads of random street performers, performing random stuff all over the place. The coolest thing we saw, were the Suits. A bunch of men in Suits with their Ipods, who randomly started dancing. It was hilarious. Otherwise we mostly spent our time perusing through the city, oh and Tuz introduced Trine to a couple of Kiwis… The bird kind, not the human males who populate the islands, and how would she do that anyway, Tuz dosent attract males… Unless they are French. She a French male magnet!!! Oh and old dudes as well, which is just a tad creepy, especially when they want to invite her in for a drink… But he wasn't rich so, why bother???
Okay moving on from Tuzes pathetic attempts at being a Gold-digger. Once we managed to get out of the city centre, and turn ourselves around so that we faced the direction we wanted to go, we headed towards Queenstown, with a small stop at Boulder Bay. it's a beach with huge round boulders on it, and a seriously dense population of tourists, especially considering that it is a beach littered with rocks… But who are we to judge!
Once we arrived in Queenstown, after having passed through the fields of Rohan, we promptly went to the Tourist Info and booked two trips. One was a full day LotR movie site tour, the other was a horsetreck called the Ride of the Ring. Its good to be nerdy!! Upon booking this the lady behind the counter commented that we must really be fans, we both really just wanted to tell her that we had never seen the movies… But we just smiled at her asinine comment and left!!!
The full day tour was great! It was just us and our sweet guide Daniel, so we had loads of time to run around and reenact scenes from the movies, much to the delight of a flock of goats. And OH MY GOD!! He had Sams old cloack… The one he wore in the movie, and we were allowed to put it on!!! SQUEEE Sam has second hand touched us!!! And YES that SO counts!! Hmpf!
Anyway, he also showed us the Easter eggs, special small scenes hidden on the extended DVD. They are hilarious! Note: Next part to be read in a gay German accented voice. "So mister Woods, you have very big blue eyes. Do you think that is the reason you are so successful?". Ahh probably dosent really work on paper…
Moving on to the next item on the list. The horse trek. It was an allright trip, although all we did was walk along. But the scenery was absolutely amazing!!! Trines horse was a fat, constantly hungry thing named Randall, and he kept stopping to graze. Tuzs on the other hand was a mean old horse named Joey. He seriously could not stand being close to any of the other horses, and if he ever saw a mirror image of himself, Im sure he would try to kill that as well… So he was actually just like the pony back home. And the benefit of having to stay far away from the other horses on the trek… You can canter without the guide noticing!!!
It was a nice little trip, and even Trine enjoyed it once she got over the shock of having to sit on a real sized horse and not a pony.
After our many Middelearth adventures in Queenstown, we felt that it was time for our little fellowship to move on, in our quest for entertainment. So we jumped in our spaceship and hit the road. Firstly we arrived in Wanaka, a nice little holiday town where you can throw yourself out of an airplane if you feel like it. Neither one of us felt thus inclined, and so we moved on stopping on the way at something called Puzzleworld in order to try their maze. BIG mistake!!! Mazes are only fun as long as you have a liquorish log to munch on, which gives you about 5 minutes. After that they just suck, and are complicated, and since neither one of us has even the slightest about which direction we are going or what we are doing most of the time, we were literally in way over our heads. After having run around in the same part of the maze, like headless chickens, for maybe 20 min. we managed to find an escape door and get out of the little piece of Hell we had entered. And no it was so not cheating. Why would they have put up a door if they didn't want people using it?? Okay it said no exit… But still, if we didn't use the door it would have felt sad like the little ugly Chinese girl, and that would have been wrong!
We spent the night in Omarama, It was a small town that would have been excessively uninteresting, had it not been for the antique store with the large display of original Xena and Hercules costumes and props. (For those of you don't know, these were two cult, action/fantasy tv series during the 90ies. Basically a woman with huge breasts in a tight leather dress, and a semi buff man who for some reason did not like shirts fighting Gods and monsers! Freaking amazing!!) It was a rather "Kalebs mom has a cat" experience, but it was great!!! After having perused through the shop for a while we got back on the road, we decided to head back towards Christchurch, but did have a small stop in Twizel, where we together with Elaine went to see the most famous and photographed pole in the ground in all of NZ. The pole was located on the site of the Pellenor battlefields. It was a fun little trip, especially considering the fact that all we saw was a big, flat field filled with sheep. But Elaine was very knowledgeable and told us a lot about both the movie, and about living and farming in the area.
After a quick lunch we were back on the road, and by evening we were back in Christchurch. This time we decided to check into a hostel in the city center, and thus saving Tuz (and several semi innocent NZ bystanders) from the road rage inducing conditions of the city. Besides both of us felt we needed a bit of luxury, and a bed of our own!!!
This concludes this episode of the travels! May all your Christmases be white and goodnight from us
The two Miss. Piesalots.
P.S. People who talk in the theater should be neutered and shot!!