What a day! After what was a very difficult day yesterday, I have to say, the Universe gave me a great reprieve today!
(firstly my apologies, this diary website platform does not allow me a SpellCheck facility - and after numerous attempts to update yesterday's DRAFT blog (as you know was full of errors) it would not upload the changes …sorry!).
I have to admit I woke to a not so welcome email - an email from the Ex that symbolises the finale to our 16 year chapter together. When will the salt cease it's flow, my wounds are irritated enough already. I had two choices, 1. to let this finale email destroy my day, or 2. To keep my promise I made to myself last night - that today I would practice compassion and forgiveness for not only myself, but the very person who I've given ALL my power over to these past 5 months......
....a lovely rain shower surrounded by glass overlooking rice paddies and my decision was made. Today after months of begging pleading and sitting in the depths of my despair - something lifted. Today was MY choice. Today, I was not going to focus on the much younger, prettier, slimmer and "more interesting university student" that has replaced me. Today I would let them have their freedom. Today I would wish them all the best on "their" Journey. The girls and I were now on ours, finding acceptance has been the hardest challenge for me at 38 years of age, and the journey is far from over - but today I chose to make a start.
We were off without any further thoughts of the past nor the Hope Island married life that I once part of. Nothing a littl bit of Retail Therapy couldn't fix ah girls? We walked the streets of Ubud looking for quaint little shops …and did we find a couple. One in particular the girls found their new Motorbike helmets…
Brook chose a Maggie Simpson and Sienna of course, an orange Garfield helmet …but as it was too big, Sienna had to find her own acceptance in a little red Ladybird helmet. Sienna's quote at the time was "Mum I'm BATMAN, Batman doestn't wear a red Ladybird on his head - what are we going to do? Erica's settled for a brown leather 'world war bomber style helmet' ….. less the Goggles! Now were looking hot, I just need to know how to ride the bike!
Sunday morning was a quiet affair in Ubud Village itself. It was rather peaceful - but hey it was early. We passed the uber-trendy boutiques and hip cafes …. Ummm, bring on the School Term, I will get so lost in those shops. One off pieces that I know a few of you are going to die for when I come back home to Ozzy for my holidays.
I like Sunday morning here, lots of "Orang Asing" walking to Yoga class or on their bikes parading their svelte bodies swinging their Yoga bags behind them. What all 3 of us love the most, we wear our Havianna's everywhere as it's rather the norm to remove your shoes prior to entering a restaurant/cafe. (Note to self, if I'm to attract this new man of my dreams, I'd better make sure a Pedicure is No ….2 on my maintenance list!)
Then we headed off to Kesa Kerta - North of Payangan. What I thought would be 30 minutes north of Ubud …ended up the trek of our lifetime! We had a blast …thank god the car was full of snacks and water. …… and more so, fuel! J The road on the way had completely collapsed, so we had to detour via Kintamintani. Up/down very steep roads, with the car struggling on the hills …the cliffs were phenomenal. Very scary…as we slowly made our way through very dense jungle. My intuitive side kicked in again and thank god I listened to it (THIS TIME) …god know where we were headed, but thankfully a smiley local stopped to helped me do a 48 point turn on a "safe" bridge (it had railings, so I chose to turn on the bridge rather than risk the gorge below). I headed back to the collapsed road and yes, surely enough 1km south we found another Kintimintani detour - this was where the fun began. The kids had their windows down, the small little villages we passed through, stared curiously wondering what on the earth the 3 "orang asing" were doing. We had a ball, to pass through very wet jungle terrain was awe inspiring - rural scenery at it's best. The pot holes in the road were my challenge - HUGE pot holes I literally parked my car in (Yesterdays Hummer in Ubud was not seeming so pretentious after-all , its looking rather practical as of today).
What amazes me is that not once did we loose a telephone signal. To be so remote and so connected to the "other" world is really amazing. At times we had really tough challenges with large trucks passing very narrow roads, my wing mirrors are bought in, my left front tire on a huge stone or rock. At one stage, Sienna could put her arm out the window and pat the hugest of pigs which was going off "to join in the local village celebrations" - I didn't have the heart to tell the girls, it was "the lunch delivery" for the entire village and IT certainly wasn't celebrating for much longer!
Sienna just cheered and thought it was the best thing to be "off road driving". Emphasising the importance for that new Jeep - what us girls could have achieved in a Jeep! There would be NO stopping us - no even those farmers trucks full of those "Happy Pet Pigs, going off to the Village Party".
Brookie was taken with the village men, gathering and showing off their c*** ….. Ahem … as in Cock-fighting girls! Rather intriguing. None of them can afford to lose their c*** , so it really seems a light hearted affair, not what one would imagine. All the c*** are taken back home and put back in their cages. I think food is priority, so its not the inhumane type of cockfighting we often see aired on TV. Well not what we saw in person today.
The party was wonderful, we met some beautiful expats - many were from Perth. All had actually moved here to live in the last 8 weeks to 2 years ago - so I felt very at home with some new found friends. I am joining a women's business lunch in Kuta this month, and one of the girls I met today happens to be a Member, so I have a familiar face to greet me in a few weeks.
The twins had a lovely day, as did we all. What a stunning birthday cake! (I promise I will upload photos soon). Sienna was entertained by Putu and all the staff as usual, she didn't want to leave her "new friends". Of course Sienna left with half the remaining birthday cake in hand, Brook was saturated from running around the Koi ponds and balancing on huge strategically placed "chakra" stones in the garden - during the afternoon rainfall.
With our bellies full of wondrous buffet style Balinese food (which certainly surpassed our recent sausage sizzle at Hope Island) we started our return journey home though all those amazing villages.
The girls fell asleep, exhausted….and smiling. Erica listened to her new Buddha Café CD ….and admired the view (in peace and quiet) slowing ambling through villages, rice paddies and avoiding those very large pot holes.
What a day! My girls laughter and intrigue, great window shopping, fun bike helmets the girls cant wait to wear, great scenery, unique village sighting and jungle experiences, a great CD on Play, stunning food, a exceptional cross fertilisation of nationalities .... of nourishing positive energy, interesting topics and stories over the dinner table….. and of course the most hilarious polar opposing twins you've ever met, staff that treat you like "your home" when you walk in the door, and of course my fellow Ozzie friend Rick and his forever smiling wife Lita . MY bed-room, the meditation bale, a sky full of Swallows and the Desa Kerta afternoon mountain rains and mist welcomed me "home" - this time with BOTH my girls to experience it with me.
This is also why I'm calling Bali our new home. This I my NEW love.
One that I hope will still stand by me, support my soul, nourish me and show my girls and I as a family unit, her unconditional love …..far beyond the next 16 years. I hope Bali won't change her vow to me, she won't have a mid -life crisis, she will appreciate my positive life changes, she will love me for richer or poorer, better or worse. I prey daily, that Bali will strengthen my heart, not break it into a million pieces, silently snigger, and walk away for a more youthful ….younger "more interesting" version of me - just because it seems the easy way out.
Tomorrow - the 2nd day of my new mind-set. A 3-week Pelangi School Programme starts for the girls. The girls are excited to walk across the road to go to School. I can even see Brooks /Batmans classroom from my balcony! How cool is that?
Wait till all the local kids go home after school and tell their parents that Batman joined their classroom today - a female version! :)
"Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om"
xxxx