OLD PEOPLE - a dab of silver model aircraft paint can transform an unsightly facial wart into a trendy peircing.

HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.

As a window cleaner, it really annoys me when I hear George Formby singing his famous song about my profession. How would he like it if I cleaned a window about being a buck-toothed, dead ukulele player? Not much I bet.

I've met Joe Longthorne AND Emlyn Hughes. How come everyone famous that I meet ends up getting cancer....... and does anyone have Ronan Keating's address?

Absolutely nothing. In fact, Sean's jokes bring a little ray of sunshine into my otherwise joyless life. I was only teasing the big oaf.

I agree, I mean it must take years to cut and paste some jokes, Why would it offend anyone putting jokes on a messageboard anyway?

I think Seans boss should be notified of these message board activities!!!!! There is clearly a lot of company time being taken advantage of.

CUTTIN N PASIN IS NOT A CRIME!

Hi there. First things first; Happy Birthday Bri. Sounds like you had an amazing day! Reminds me of my 26th when I saw Gary Wilmott opening the Harrogate branch of Jack Fulton's. He really was as charming as he appears on the telly.... Anyway, I shall be off as I'm not feeling myself today. Which, for a committed and passionate onanist like myself, is quite an acheivement. No, but really, I saw a programme last night about penis enlargements, and to be honest, it's given me the willies. This one guy was into extreme enlargement, and when he finally revealed the result of his obsession, it looked like he had Ryan's decapitated head swinging between his legs. That's not just a cheap metaphor employed at Ryan's expense. It's simply an accurate description... So, I shall leave you with that image. Oh, and MESSAGE BOARD READERS if anyone wants to see Sean's next batch of messages without logging on, simply buy next month's copy of Viz, and turn to the letters page. Ok then dudes, ta ra.

I think Sean is probably one of the greatest guys I have ever met, he is a not fat and not ugly.

HA HA HA HA I'M SO FUNNY HE HE HE

WOOOOOWWW ha ha ha ha ha