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So I told myself that I would not write again until the night before I left, but I can't help to state my insecurities right now. I am terrified. Not so much about going over there or classes or anything like that. I'm so scared to leave. I've always been terrible with goodbyes. I don't want anyone saying "it's just see you later" because I'm pretty sure for most people it will be goodbye, in one way or another. I'm leaving on some pretty bad terms with one person and it's hard for me to look past that. I constantly wonder if things would be different if I wasn't leaving. I try to believe that this is for the best, but it's not that simple. I figure since I'm so removed from the rest of the world, I might as well lay it all out here and be honest. What's there to lose right? Well, I've made more than my fair share of mistakes in my past relationship. When things got rough I decided to leave. I thought getting away would have been for the best and maybe it would have been if I was able to leave at that moment, but 4 months later is making me second guess that decision. My desire to see the world is in conflict with my desire to have a key part in this persons life. I know what everyone is thinking, never choose a boy over something like this. Clearly, I'm not turning down England, but it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wholeheartly believe that anything can work and distance is for those who know that miles cannot seperate something so strong. Perhaps if I hadn't made so many mistakes it would be different, but it is how it is. I made my bed and have to lie in it right? Exactly. Life will figure itself out and God will lead the way. I trust that He is taking me right where I need to be. That doesn't mean I can't be scared for everything. I guess these four and half months will prove something...what, I'm not too sure about yet. I can only hope that I can smile at the end and say I made it through.
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