We Malaysians had a day trip to Tianjin yesterday. It was a nice but tiring day. I certainly feel I am getting older as I now get easily exhausted. Instead of blogging about the sights we saw and the food we ate, I will instead turn our focus towards an interesting topic that arose during dinner. We talked about the fact that despite Malaysia claiming that all races live in perfect and mutual harmony, racial tension is still inevitably and inherently part of the Malaysian way of life. When we talk about racial tension, the first image that arises is that of the Malays versus Chinese versus Indians versus other ethnic groups. However, what I am addressing is racial tension within the Malaysian-Chinese group itself.

There is an alienation within the latter group itself which roughly speaking consists of the English-speaking Chinese and the Mandarin-speaking Chinese. There is a degree of separation and a barrier erected between these two groups. I never realised the seriousness of this fact until arriving in Beijing a month ago. This stark realisation that we Malaysian-Chinese are separated into two different camps has made me wonder about the "harmony" that really exists in Malaysia. Generally speaking the common misconceptions or rather perceptions each group has towards the other is this: the English-speaking Chinese tend to look down at their Mandarin-speaking counterparts due to their English language proficiency, while the latter regards the former as a snobbish bunch of spoon-fed "Western" individuals. I myself feel that much can be done within the Malaysian-Chinese community to put at end to this stereotype or even to raise awareness between the two camps.

Much of these feelings and stereotypes are the direct result of the education system in Malaysia. The Chinese have a choice of sending their children to either 1) a Sekolah Kebangsaan with Malay & English as the medium of instruction ; 2) Private Chinese school; 3) Private International School; or 4) Sekolah Kebangsaan with Chinese as the medium of instruction. All these boils down to the choices that our parents make. I am certainly not saying that either of our parents have made the wrong choice because at the end of the day, choosing the right school for your children is never an easy matter. For instance my parents studied in an English-speaking school and thus it probably only felt natural for them to place my siblings and I in the same. I honestly do not feel handicapped for their choices in respect of my education.

When my Mandarin-speaking Malaysian-Chinese friend asked me how we English-speaking Malaysian-Chinese viewed them, my honest answer was that we never really thought of them. I am not saying that we felt that they were not worth our time to consider but rather the fact that we were never really exposed to them. Therefore, there was never really anything to think about in that sense. I feel rather ashamed of my own previous thoughts and views. I used to think that being able to speak good English was the mark of excellence. Also, my view was that studying in Western countries should be the ultimate goal of all. Yes, I was and to an extent still a "banana". Yellow on the outside, white on the inside. I am never going to be wholly accepted as a Chinese, never granted the same rights even though I am Malaysian and certainly will never pass as an English. This is the result of our forefather's legacy whom decided to leave their homeland and venture further abroad. In their quest to find fortune which certainly many of them did, other fortunes were inevitably lost.

I feel saddened by the fact that a wall has been erected between us Malaysian-Chinese. We still do not completely understand the lifestyles and thinking of each other. This is a wall that I am determined to break and if that is not possible, at least I am determined to climb over it. I am extremely blessed by the Malaysians I have met here in Beijing and my prayer is that we shall continue to speak freely about topics even as sensitive as this. I want to know their valuable insights and views about various issues. I also pray that my Mandarin will continually improve in order for me to speak about more complex topics with them. Actually many of the ingredients of this wall are composed of language, lack of exposure and education. If we cannot even understand each other then certainly we will never be exposed to one another. Therefore, a big part of understanding each other is through education and language. However, how is this possible looking at the way our education system has been established? Does that mean that this gap will continue to exist? Will there forever be a separation within us Malaysian-Chinese? These are issues for us to ponder.