WELL, HELLO AGAIN! ANOTHER WEE UPDATE FROM ME - WILL TRY NOT MAKE IT AS LONG AS THE LAST ONE AS I KNOW HALF OF YOU FELL ASLEEP READING IT! WE'VE BEEN UP TO A FEW MIS-HAPS IN THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS THAT'S FOR SURE. WE HAVE NOW BEEN IN ANOTHER CYCLONE IN NORTH QUEENSLAND (NOT CAIRNS THIS TIME THANK GOD, BUT WE STILL GOT THE s***E WEATHER THAT CAME WITH IT!). INFACT, IT HAS BEEN RECORDED AS THE WORST WEATHER IN DECADES. RAIN RAIN RAIN AND A WEE BIT MORE RAIN! NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE PHOTO'S, YOU'LL FIND THAT I HAVE PRETTY MUCH GONE BACK TO MY ORIGINAL COLOUR AND FANNY IS NOW SEE THROUGH. HA HA! FANNY SAID THE OTHER WEEK THAT SHE NEEDED HER HAIR CUT, BUT OF COURSE, NO MONEY. SO, OFF I WENT WITH THE HUGE ASS KITCHEN SCISSORS AND CUT AWAY. DID A PRETTY DECENT JOB IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF TILL FANNY DECIDED SHE WANTED THE FRONT MORE LAYERED, SO SHE CHOPPED IT HERSELF. THE RESULT? LOOKED LIKE SHE'S PUT HER FRINGE IN THE GILLITENE (HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT!). WAS PRETTY FUNNY. WE'VE FOUND OUT THAT THE CASINO IN CAIRNS DOES STEAK AND CHIPS FOR 10 BUCKS, SO WE WENT THERE THE OTHER WEEK TOO. NEVER REALISED THAT YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO TAKE PHOTO'S TILL THE SECURITY GUY CAME UP AND WARNED ME NOT TO AS THE 'EYES IN THE SKY' THINK THAT IT IS A BOMB GOING OFF WHEN THEY SEE THE FLASH. HMMMMM, DIDN'T EXACTLY SEE THE BOMB SQUAD GETTING RUSHED IN WHEN I WAS CLICKING. NOT TO WORRY! WE'VE OF COURSE BEEN ON A FEW MORE NIGHTS OUT. ONE NIGHT ENDED UP PICKING THIS PIECE OF PAPER UP IN THE TOLIET THAT SAYS 'DRINK SLOWLY AND STICK TO NOMORE THAN ONE DRINK AN HOUR'. THIS MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD WHEN I WAS ON THE TOILET (YES, FOLK MUST'VE THOUGHT I WAS WEIRD!). BUT, IT WAS ADVERTISIED IN THE SAME PLACE THAT DOES FREE-FLOW CHAMPAGNE FOR 2 HOURS, AND ALSO THE SAME PLACE THAT DOES DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AN IN HOUR?! THE SAME NIGHT I FOUND THIS WAS THE SAME NIGHT I GOT STALKED BY A LESBIAN (NO JOKE!). SHE KEPT SAYING I WAS 'LIKE A FLOWER - BLOOMING', AND FANNY TURNED ROUND AND SAID 'I KNOW, THAT'S WHY SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND'. FAN THOUGHT THAT MIGHT'VE GOTTEN RID OF HER, BUT NO. SHE ENDED UP STUFFING A PIECE OF PAPER IN MY POCKET THAT SAID 'JUSTICE LOVE', THEN LEFT. I SWEAR, EVERYONE IS THAT WEIRD IN CAIRNS! I THINK THE SAME NIGHT WE WALKED HOME TOGETHER, AND GOT A HOTDOG (IT'S TRADITION NOW OK?!), AND I REMEMBER FANNY SAYING TO ME VAGUELY THAT I HAD MATO SAUCE ON MY FACE (ATTRACTIVE), TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT TILL THE NEXT MORNING I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND THE MARK WAS STILL THERE. WASN'T MATO SAUCE AT ALL. GUESS...... OK, IT WAS A HICCIE. FANNY DECIDED TO GIVE ME A LOVE BITE ON MY CHEEK! WE'VE MADE FRIENDS WITH A GUY THAT LIVES IN THE FLAT INFRONT OF US - RIAN. MET HIM OUT THE OTHER NIGHT AND HE WALKED HOME WITH US. STOLE AN AVACADO FROM A MARKET STALL (AS IT WAS LIKE 5.30AM AND THEY WERE JUST GETTING SET UP!), FANNY SHOVED THE AVACADO DOWN HER PANTS, WHILE POSING IN A PINK BOW THING THAT SHE HAD WRAPPED ROUND HER HEAD (IT WAS ACTUALLY PART OF A CLOAK THAT SHE RIPPED APART WITH HER TEETH?!) NICE LOOK! THE SAME NIGHT, SHE GOT SPUN ROUND IN A TROLLEY, SANG WEST VIRGINIA AT THE TOP OF HER VOICE, WHILE DECLARING THAT SHE KNEW GAELIC COS SHE WATCHED THE INVERNESS NEWS?! NEXT SPECIAL KID (JUST JOKING FAN, KNOW I LOVE YA!). WE'RE BOTH IN THE PROCESS AT THE MOMENT OF HAVING WORLD WAR 3 WITH FANNY'S X-BOSS AT THE CURRY MUFF CORNER. BASICALLY, THE WOMAN STINKS, AND ISN'T PAYING FAN HER MONEY. I MEAN, IT'S NOT ALOT OF MONEY, BUT STILL, IT'S A WEEKS RENT OVER HERE. I WENT IN AND WENT MENTAL AT THE WOMAN, AND NOW SHE IS SAYING THAT SHE IS GOING TO PRESS CHARGES FOR ME AND KELLIE BEING ABUSIVE. WHAT?! SHE'S BEEN PAYING FANNY CASH IN HAND WHICH IS ILLEGAL TO BEGIN WITH. SHE SAID THAT SHE REPORTED US, SO WE WENT TO FIND OUT, AND SHE HASN'T AT ALL. SO, FAN HAS A MEETING WITH A LEGAL AID ADVISOR ON MONDAY TO SEE IF WE CAN GET ALL THIS RESOLVED. THE FUNNY THING IS, FAN DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO HER, SO I PHONE HER UP ALL THE TIME AND PRETEND TO BE FAN. IN OUR LAST CONVERSATION, SHE SAID THAT YOU NEEDED A CERTIFICATE TO WORK IN A CURRY SHOP. OH MY GOD, SHE'S SO RIDICULOUS! ANYWAYS, WE'VE ALSO BEEN TO THE POLICE AGAIN TO WARN THEM OF A WEIRDO HANGING AROUND OUR AREA. HE'S APPROACHED BOTH ME, FANNY, AND KATRINA ON SEPERATE OCCASSIONS NOW. THE MOST RECENT WAS ME, ON THE WAY HOME ON A NIGHT OUT. WAS ON THE PHONE TO A MATE (WHO LIVED 2 STREETS AWAY), AND THIS GUY STARTED TO FOLLOW ME ON A BIKE, USHERING ME TO GO TOWARD HIM. NEVER DID, SO HE KEPT CUTTING INFRONT OF ME. THANK GOD I WAS ON THE PHONE TO MY MATE AT THE TIME, COS HE CAME RUNNING OUT HIS HOUSE TO GET ME, AND THE GUY CYCLED OFF. THANK GOODNESS. BUT, DON'T WORRY MUM AND DAD, I'M FINE!!! OUR 2 MATES (THE TARTS THAT WE LIKE TO CALL THEM), KELLIE AND KAREN CAME UP VISIT US FOR 2 WEEKS WHICH WAS GOOD FUN TO SEE THEM. WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH MONEY TO DO ANYTHING WITH THEM, BUT WE DID MANAGE TO GO ON THE 'ADVENTURE DUCK', AND SEE SOME OF CAIRNS! IT IS THIS HUGE BUS THING SHAPED LIKE A DUCK THAT GOES IN THE WATER TOO. IT'S TOTALLY DESIGNED FOR KIDS, BUT ME AND FAN NEARLY POOPED OURSELVES WHEN WE WERE ON IT, AND ALL THE KIDS GOT A CHANCE TO DRIVE IT IN THE WATER (SO OBVISOUSLY ME AND FAN HAD TO HAVE A SHOT!) SEE THE PICS FOR A LAUGH! WE WENT ON A FEW NIGHTS OUT WITH THE TARTS (OBVIOUSLY!). ON ONE NIGHT OUT, I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY COOL, AN ATTATCHED A BALLOON TO MY BRA STRAP. WAS TALKING TO KAREN, AND TURNED ROUND AND SAID 'I BET YOU SOME F**KER WILL TRY AND POP THIS'. AND LOW AND BEHOLD, 2 MINS LATER, KAREN IS CHASING ME AROUND THE WHOLE OF THE PUB WITH A LIT CIGARETTE TRYING TO GET IT. SHE DID IN THE END. DAMN HER! BUT, INSTEAD OF TAKING OFF THE POPPED BALOON, I WALKED ROUND WITH IT HANGING OFF MY SHOULDER FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. OH DEAR! FANNY ALSO DESCOVERED A NEW SONG ON ONE OF OUR NIGHTS OUT 'WHAT'S THE COLOUR OF A TWO PENCE COIN? NEXT F**KIN COPPER, NEXT F**KIN COPPER'. (has to be said here, that this song was chanted after 2 Police Men passed us by!). THE SAME NIGHT ACTUALLY, IS WHEN DISASTER STRUCK......WE GOT BARRED FROM OUR LOCAL BAR PJOBS FOR A MONTH. GUTTED OR WHAT?! THE STORY IS, IS AT THE END OF THE NIGHT, FANNY WENT OUTSEIDE, AND STARTED TO UNTIE A PJOBS SIGN, I HELPED A WEE BIT TOO, BUT THEN STARTED TO TAKE PICS OF HER DOING IT. 2 SECS LATER THIS BOUNCER CAME UP TO US AND SAID 'YOU'RE UNDER ARREST', AND FANNY TURNS ROUND AND SAYS 'UNDER ARREST? YOU'RE JUST SECURITY'. WAS SO FUNNY! BUT, BASICALLY, A MASSIVE MASSIVE DEAL WAS MADE ABOUT IT, AND WE WERE NEARLY LOCKED UP IN THE CELLS FOR THE NIGHT, WITH THE POICE GOING TO PRESS CHARGES. WHAT'S ALL THAT ABOUT? FANNY DIDN'T GET ANYWHERE NEAR TO STEALING THE SIGN, AND I HARDLY DID ANYTHING! THE WAY THEY WERE GOING ON WAS THAT WE SHOT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING. IDIOTS. BUT, NOW WE GOTTA FIND A NEW LOCAL. EEK. ANYWAYS CHICKIE DEE'S, I RECKON THAT I HAVE BLABBED ON FOR LONG ENOUGH NOW. YOU CAN LEAVE MESSAGES ON MY SITE NOW I THINK. HOPE YOU'RE ALL DANDY, AND WRITE SOON! JENNY AND FANNY xXx FUNNY QUOTES SO FAR.... 1. FANNY SAYS 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE? A CAN OF FANTA - ALLUMINUM AND ORANGE TOP'. (she states this as she is wearing a silver belt and orange top?!) 2. KAREN IS TELLING US A STORY....... 'WHEN ME AND THE GIRLS WERE IN EDINBURGH AT MAHOGANNY'. (Me and Fan thought she was maybe referring to a Club in Edinburgh or something till we realised it was actually Hogmannay she meant!). DUH!