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So yesterday an actually quite scary thing happened: cycling down Ren Min Nan Lu on my way to work, I was hit by a car. Ridiculously, given the fact that I was thrown straight out into two lanes of oncoming traffic, both I and the trusty steed (that's the BIKE, filth) have survived reasonably unscathed. In even luckier news, the driver took full responsibility, drove me to hospital and paid for my treatment. Two hours, four pints of iodine, and one complementary lesson on the more colourful applications of English idioms later, I am home, patched up and - though a little hurty and shaky - essentially OK. The driver even delivered my bike to my flat.
Through the haze of pain, genuine shock and the knowledge that I was in fact very lucky to still be breathing, my brain groped blindly for its happy place. It found the door labelled 'cultural farce', snuggled into a bean bag with a cup of Horlicks and a Hob Nob, and prepared for a good show. It knew it was in for one, because it had astutely noted that, faced with a somewhat unexpected situation, the driver and I had reverted instantly to default cultural settings and reached for our respective Small Talk 101 manuals. The resulting exchange began with my actually uttering the phrase 'I don't want to be any trouble' in response to him offering to carry my backpack. The one I couldn't pick up because of the lack of requisite skin on my hand. Once into the Room of Pain, it carried on a little like this:
Driver: Oh my god I'm so sorry
SL: No really, that's AAAAGH f***ING...f***ITY f*** quite alright, these things happen......so what do you do?
Driver: Ah, I am - here, bite down on your sleeve it will help to stifle your screams - I am surveyor.
SL: Oh, how interesting. Your Eng...mmmf***eryurgh....fracking c*** ticks...mmmeurgh...your English is really very good.
D: Oh no, not good, not good at all. Your Chinese is very good.
SL: Bu shi! Wo de COCKING HELL Zhongwen shuo hen bu s*** hao.
D: Oh, take care don't look at the bloody mess of your elbow, it might be very disgusting. Did you eat your lunch?
SL: Um, not AGH f***ER yet no.
D: Maybe after, we take one hotpot together?
SL: Um, gosh that sounds ARSING f*** that sounds really lovely, but I'm not sure I can actually hold chopsticks right now and I think maybe I need a little lie down.
D: Ah, yes OK. Next time we will eat dinner together. You can eat spicy food? Sichuan food very spicy.
SL: Um...yes, OK, thank you.
D: Great, what is your phone number? Oh, sorry, the doctor says to hold still while he pours pure alcohol into your open wound - here is my phone maybe you can just write it there.
It should be noted that the driver in question was without doubt one of the nicest people on the planet and that the situation above was in no way insensitive or - as I'm sure it reads - even a remote attempt at a pick up. It's just that the question 'have you eaten?' and the exchanging of information regarding the meal in question is the Chinese equivalent of Londoners asking each other how they got to the party then proceeding to slag off the Bakerloo line. And everything - EVERYTHING - revolves around food: in this case, an invitation to eat was simply the default way to make amends and to express an apology. Makes for good farce fodder though.
Am planning to spend the remainder of the afternoon horizontal, watching some Wong Kar Wai and drinking buckwheat tea (TEA OF THE GODS). I will also be eating the croque monsieur my boss went and bought me because she thought European comfort food would help (a - she was right. b - see what I mean about the food?)
Much love, speak soon. xxxxx
PS - Pic is the view from my window - thought you might like to bear witness to the smog!
- comments
Katrina Poor you! What a shock. Hope the hands are recovering well and you are feeling better. Look after yourself! x
Granny So sorry to read about your accident but very glad you were looked after so well and hope you are recovering well. Give the angel a little fluff up. Much love.
Lucy Mac Thank you for the good wishes! The angel is in prime position, should start hanging her from my handlebars really, like my very own lucky charm...took the Steed out for the first time today, went nice and slowly and am getting kitted out with some serious protective gear tomorrow (including a tasteful anti-pollution mask). Going on what looks like an amazing ride out to the countryside before work on Tuesday morning, will take plenty of pictures for Grandad :). Hope all is well with you, speak ever so soon xxx
Eleanor So sorry about your accident, hope you are all recovered now. Your blog is brilliant, do keep writing to us all! E xx
Gergana This is my favourite blog post thus far. Glad you're back on the Steed (what's its name?) and hope to catch you on Skype...Thailand did not work out as planned, I wish I was learning Mandarin. Good luck Lucy, Skype me, please!!!