It has now been over four months since the kids were taken from the orphanage.It is amazing how many people's lives can be affected by one situation.I have not written because I have been quietly trying to deal with my own feelings and pain over the situation and everything that followed.
It seemed that it would never end.I had moved just across the border but was commuting to take care of the staff, finances, and any "fires" that needed to be put out while the orphanage board worked with the social services and civil association in Mexico to come up with a solution to re-open.After many battles, of which most seemed losses, the board had exhausted their resources and had to make the difficult decision to step out and leave the orphanage in the hands of the Mexican civil association.Of course, without their support, I would not be able to stay either.That led to many difficult goodbyes.After months of fighting for what was and what could be, it led to me walking away with nothing…nothing to account for the last year and a half where I poured out my love and sweat.Just defeated…and exhausted, depressed, dry, and alone.
Due to the advice of those close to me, I decided to take 2 months to just rest.I planned to head out the Florida, then to Wisconsin to spend some much needed quality time with my family.I had mixed emotions, getting on the plane in El Paso. I remembered the first time I flew in.Everything was so new and unknown.Little did I know how much I would come to appreciate the dessert, the people, and their culture.Now, I found myself leaving with a new emptiness and feeling the desert, spiritually and emotionally.But I knew that I needed some time to rest my body and mind to get a new perspective on life and the situation.
During those two months, God did a lot of healing.I cannot say that I am over it and have a long way to go, but I can start moving on.I can now look back and still say I don't understand but I don't have any regrets.I was where I was supposed to be.And if anything, I planted a seed in the lives of those children.I may never see them again or know if they get to have a happy ending, and that is still hard.But I have learned much about walking in obedience to God and not expecting results.They are His.And He always sees the big picture and just needs me to do my part.
It was very hard to return.I was looking for places to go when I left here.But every opportunity that I was presented did not feel right and I found that my heart is still here.When I got off the plane, I did not know what to expect or what I was here for.I just felt like I was to return.I experienced a little bit of an identity crisis the first couple of weeks without being associated with the orphanage. That is all that I have every known here. But after a few weeks, I am adjusting to a new season and am ready to start moving on.
I am currently renting a trailer on the property of International Family Missions (IFM), located in Fabens, Texas.My time is filled with assisting in bookkeeping at a school in Juarez that provides free education to local colonias as a ministry as well as helping out at IFM.I have recently committed one year to IFM, starting in January.IFM is a ministry based out of Colorado that allows families to participate together on a missions trip into Mexico.The families stay at the location in Fabens, and go into Mexico during the day to work with orphanages, churches, rehabilitation centers, and other places of need.I will be assisting as the office manager as well as facilitating a discipleship program for the interns and the youth who assist the teams.Working with a US based ministry will be very different and new for me, but I am excited about the opportunities I will be presented to serve and the new challenges I will face. This commitment will take up most of my time, but I also plan to continue working at the school and maintaining the relationships I have already developed in Mexico.
Thank you for your prayers and support.Please continue to pray as I work through this transition and take on a new role here in borderland.