Rains of Change
Rain, rain, go away… and come back another day.I remember saying that as a child when the rain was affecting my playtime outside.Today, I sit on a porch of an empty orphanage listening to its calming rhythm.It has rained hard every day since I have been back.I can't help but think about what rain means in the movies…change.If my life were a movie, I am hoping to be on to something.
The last six months have had its share of severe highs and lows.I have learned some of the most valuable lessons in life at the same time of reaching a point of exhaustion that I have never reached before.Something needed to change.Little did I know what kind of change was in store that would put me in a much different place than I imagined.
About a month ago, an accusation was placed against Sergio by one of the kids at the orphanage.I, to this day, do not believe it was true. However, the way that the Mexican government handles this type of situation is to pull all the children from the orphanage for questioning and place them in separate orphanages.Within hours, all the kids were gone and we were left with a whirlwind of trying to figure out what just happened.Shock hit and those were the longest days of my life.I was scheduled to leave on "vacation" five days later but did not receive clearance to leave until just hours before.I did not know what I was coming back to…but I knew I needed to come back.
The next two weeks were just a blur.Incredible pain and confusion.
I made the decision to return early based on the fact that it was hard for me to deal with and process this pain while I was miles away.I was thankful when I stepped foot on Mexican soil again but was not looking forward to the weeks ahead as the dust was still settling and the pieces were still falling.The following weeks were filled with grief, guilt, confusion, depression, and incredible sadness…and in the midst of that were findings of how big the mess was in it's ripple effect.How could something good come from such a mess?
We were scheduled to have a board meeting at the end of July to discuss the future of the orphanage…if there is one and what does that look like.By this time, they had more facts to work with.Even though DIF (Mexican child protection services) has put a temporary suspension on the operation of the orphanage, the board decided that they wanted to see life come back to the place that we have all come to love so we are actively looking for a new director.We want to hear children laughing and playing again.But they realize it will take time to build a solid foundation so that this does not happen again.We have all realized our mistakes and have decided to learn from them.
Sergio is an incredibly gifted man who has impacted so many lives, but it has only taken a few bad decisions in the last couple of months to taint that legacy.There are now three recorded accusations against Sergio and he is nowhere to be found.I am coming to the realization that there are a lot of things I will just never know.But I will always live with the fact that I was suppose to be there to protect the children, and yet, somehow they were still taken advantage of….and I missed it.
So as it rains, I can only hope and feel in my heart that change is coming around the corner for all of us who are involved in this crazy mess.Life has its ups and downs and this has definitely been one of my lower points in life, but I will stand firm in believing that God is still in control and something beautiful will come out of all of this pain.
So for now, I am filling my time with lots of office work, catching up on things that I have not had the chance to do.I have finally been given clearance to see the kids in their new homes and should be able to visit them by the end of next week. We are also doing a lot of work and cleaning at the house in preparation for the fresh start…taking advantage of not having kids around.I have moved back across the border to the US bordertown of Fabens, where I was planning on moving before all of this happened.It has been a bigger blessing to have some space, especially when all of this happened.Things have been working out well as I now commute to the house and I am now able to come home and recharge.I for see a lot of change in the coming months but my desire is to stick with it and be a part of the new season of Casa de la Nueva Vida, where my heart will always be.
So, please keep me in your prayers. That I can work through all of this, the pain is not wasted, and I will be able to move onThat I will have wisdom in decisions I have to make as things change That I will be able to find joy in getting up in the morning again