Good morning Vietnam? Goodbye Vietnam more like! Well it was for me anyway. After the horrors of Cambodia and confronted with fresh terrors in the form of the most frightening roads ever known to man in Vietnam, I decided enough was enough and that I deserved a break from having to look at poverty stricken children and dealing with scheming Asian scamsters. And so, within 24 hours of my arrival in Vietnam, I was straight back on that plane returning to Bangkok.

Luke on the other hand, is made of a much more robust constitution and thus decided to stick it out in Vietnam. Following my departure, Luke spent the day getting up to all sorts of mischief like, erm, doing his washing with the mad old lady in the guest house. I don't know how he did it, she terrorfied me with her mad staring eyes - onelooking at me, one firmly planted on the telly.

Upon my arrival to the airport to await my departure back to Thailand, I had a couple of hours to kill and was disappointed to find that the only decent shops and food available lay in the top secret VIP lounge that I discovered and looked into wistfully, gazing lustfully at the free fresh fruit and drinks that lay beyond that glass door. It was only 10 minutes ago that somebody informed me that my ticket entitled me a free pass to that most forbidden of rooms, and that insetad of sitting with all the other pond life I could have been in there stuffing my face. Stupid Vietnam!!! However, things improved greatly once back in Thailand, as a heartbroken Welshman sold me his train ticket to the south after I checked that he wasn't an evil undercover Cambodian sent to screw me over once again. I even got a bunk to sleep on, it was the best train journey ever. Apart from not eating for 9 hours but you can't have it all can you?

Meanwhile, in Vietnam...

Luke was having the time of his life! First of all, he decided the main thing he needed to do was go shooting with an AK-47, and so he was off. Those ten bullets didn't know what hit them! His next adventure involved visiting the little caves that the little Vietnamese ran along with relish (Asian people are REALLY small), only popping up to steal tourist's wallets. Probably. Unfortunately, his trip to the sand dunes was slightly marred by the huge monsoon that struck, but he soon solved that little problem by hiring a motorbike and driving around Vietnam instead. Pah, who needs beaches and sunsets when you've got big brown car submerging puddles and thick grey clouds overhead eh? However, he quickly made friends with a lady called Susan and some Israelite whose name I've forgotten, and they went to a Pirate night at an Irish pub where everyone had to talk like a pirate! They even got free t-shirts (I've got Luke's because it was too small! Yes!).

Meanwhile back in Thailand...

I had finally arrived in the south of Thailand and got a ferry across to Koh Phangan. It was fine except that I had to make small talk with two really boring Americans, but I quickly escaped from their boring clutches when I arrived at the port and grabbed a taxi to the north AKA the quietest place on Earth! There was no-one there! Apart from the 2 foot-long lizard that greeted me in my toilet one morning (thank god I was on the loo because it scared the s*** out of me), I was all alone. But then the sun came out so at leats I could sunbathe! Until I got sunburnt. And then I saw a dog get run over! This being alone malarkey wasn't all it was cracked up to be. As I headed down to the south of the island, I decided it was time for some drastic measures...

Within hours, Luke was on a plane, escaping, I mean, returning from Vietnam back to Thailand. Luckily for me (I didn't want him to gloat), he too missed the free food in the airport, but unluckily for me (he gets very grouchy when he's tired), there were no sleeping bunks available on the trains down to the south of Thailand and so Luke had to sit for 9 hours in the dark on a very uncomfortable seat. I was very scared, although very pleased to see him when he finally arrived in Koh Phangan. By that time, I had spent two days in Had Rin, the tourist and party capital of South Thailand getting ready for the Full Moon Party and eating lots of very yummy food. The Israelites were starting to get on my nerves - they don't know how to queue, have no manners, and are all really cliquey. I felt very out of place in the Hebrew restaurant. So it was much fun to have Luke there to moan to about them!

However, it was hard work moaning about them all day, and as the saying goes, all work and no play make Luke and Chris very dull boys, and so I suggested that we go have one of the islands patented Super Happy Shakes at the local mountain bar to help relax. Apparently they were made out of mushrooms which was quite odd seeing as most places only did various fruit flavours, but I had seen a peanut butter/oreo flavoured one elsewhere so each to their own I guess! And boy, did they live up to their name! Within minutes, me and Luke were Super Happy and had the best time walking around eating food and watching telly...until Luke got paranoid that is, and downed several pints of orange juice. I was most disappointed, but the copious amounts of food I ingested helped me get through the pain.

The next day we awoke fresh as a pair of daisies, ready to go on a boat trip before the Full Moon Party later that night. But first, we had to choose which tour operator would be getting our custom. Should we choose the Snoop Dogg Boat Trip? Or the Magic Reggae Boat Tour? Or perhaps even, the Moby d*** Fishing Tour (with free Jungle Ciggie-Ciggie)? Finally, we decided on the Munchies Boat Trip, for reasons that seem unclear to me now...however, we were all booked and so off we went to look at the island's infamous waterfalls! Completely disregarding the warning words of TLC to not go chasing them, we were ever so excited. We can now only apologise to the late Lisa Left-Eye and the rest of the girls for so not listening to them, for perhaps if we had then maybe we wouldn't have been let down by the single muddy stream trickling over a few rocks next to a busy main road. It was worth it though, if only to see the expression on the face of the cocky Israeli girl who fell down the slippery rocks after stripping to her bikini in seconds.

We then went on to do some snorkelling and swimming at some amazingly clean and clear beaches hidden away on the East coast of the island. Luke continued to traumatise me by throwing bread around me whilst I was snorkelling so all the fish came and attacked me, flicking their fins in my face and splashing water at me. However, the best part of all this was that we made friends! No, not the Israelis who Luke played volleyball with on one of the beaches, but the nice, lovely English people(plus one American), who all decided to go and sunbathe and swim instead. And so, even though the boat broke down before we could go and see the last REAL waterfall (we don't have much luck on our travels apparently), at least we were prepared for our night of Full Moon Partying with our new gang. We were like the BNP but not evil! And what a night it was! Several thousand people crammed on the beach, with drug dealers clammering for attention, and fire jugglers spilling paraffin all over the joint. Although the smell of the latter made the sole tee-totaller of our group faint (with her eyes open no less - we thought she was dead!), the night went without a hitch and we escaped before it all got too rowdy.

And so, that is the story of the past week; Luke and I seperated for a bit, I saw a dog get run over, Luke went to a pirate night, we got back together to celebrate the Full Moon Party, our room got infested with millipedes and ants, we had some special mushroom shakes, I watched Transformers in a bar and then me and Luke watched Tarrentino's new film Death Proof in the same bar a couple of nights later, and I was attacked by a giant lizard whilst Luke fired a huge gun. Tomorrow, we leave Koh Phangan behind, more than half-way through our Asian Adventures to continue our journey down to Singapore. Who knows where we might end up? Most likely Koh Samui as we've booked the ferry, but that my friends, is another story.

Until that time...
Love from Chris and Luke
xxx