The science of sex appeal:
I had a very informative day...startiing with a glorious run, that left me exhilarated. The discovery Channel was showing a program today on the Science of sex appeal... I have always found the process of choosing a "mate" to be very interesting, through the years I have tried to base my decisions on science, on books I've read, on feelings I've felt, on advice from family and girlfriends and guy friends...I find we are always searching for answers and we are always trying to find the best match. Some of us are lucky in love, we find the right partner quickly, we get married, we have kids, the big house and remain blissfully happy...while others of us seem to ride a roller coaster of stress making the correct decisions about finding a partner...Whenever I have asked my married friends "how do you know?"...they say...."you just know." This just "know" has left me in a state of confusion for some time...Is it a feeling? is it something like a light switch that goes off? and what if you think you know...and then you are just disappointed? And what happens when you think you know, and the person changes into something you never thought they could be? Seems to be way too many variables...and options.
If we only look at science and the mental chemistry of love, this includes sex, romance and attachment...but science say's this grows over time, then you feel a type of explosion. Choosing the partner is the easy part, but having lasting chemistry over time is a problem, hence divorce rates, and we are fundamentally built to stray...love has a lot of different meanings to different people and can happen at different times throughout our lives...This show stated that women care about status and resources and men care about the face and body. Testosterone gets you into the bed and Dopamine keeps you there....They seem to have discovered that there are in fact 2 different brain systems, and there is a chemical for falling in love, meaning physical evidence of love has to be present. The MHC genes in a few studies had to be significantly different from the persons own MHC to be attracted to a partner. Basically our brains use smell and sight to avoid unhealthy offspring or what we think could be unhealthy offspring. Ultimate attraction is a magnetic force, that is very complex and has significant chain reactions....They also said a lot can be told in a kiss, as all of your senses are engaged at this time, so a kiss can be the beginning or the end quickly.
While listening to all of this information, my brain felt as if it was on overload. I was quickly trying to think of my old partners and did I feel that chemical? Did I really think that? was I thinking about offspring at 23? according to science and evolution..I was...so now what? Maybe, we should get off the online dating sites and only do speed dating...this way you have 2 to 3 minutes to smell the person across the table, if you like the scent you should exchange numbers and then take it from there...The whole process is so ridiculously confusing. Before I left for Italy the second time, I had great long talks with a friend of mine who is a scientist, specifically about this topic...I'm hoping he finds some answers and then publishes his work...then we all can benefit from it, or maybe he is just confused as the rest of us... I also got a chance to have dinner with some girlfriends before oz, listening to the dating stories left me hysterical. One particular story that comes to mind...my girlfriend met a guy online, they met in public, and across the street he had some roses...(that was nice), i mean its a little weird, but lets not throw romance out the window just yet....they sit down and this guy basically used her as a free psych session for the week. He asked her if she believed in ghosts?? and then went onto say...he believes in them because he saw a box fly across the room one evening...why she didn't just get up right then and walk out...i'm not sure, but she never saw him again.
I hear stories all the time about how love is out there, you just need to find it. But what about being ready for it. I don't mean when your parents or your friends are ready for it...I mean when are YOU ready for it? How can you give yourself to someone else completely, if you don't really know who you are? And doesn't chemistry change if you yourself change? If you are not who you say you are or not complete on the inside when you meet a potential partner....what happens when you are more complete? do you still like that person, now that you don't "need" them?....
My conclusion to all of this information that I have recieved today...is to just sit on it. I don't have the answers, I don't think the top scientists have the answers either...I believe its something inside of us. We are not on an ant farm, with someone up in the sky playing with us...we do have power to control things...even if that is our mind. I'm learning this.
It was Siddhartha who said..."what is meditation? what is abandonment of the body? what is the holding of breath? It is the flight from the self, it is a temporary escape from the torment of self. It is a temporary release from pain." So when we do get to get outside of our minds, even briefly....from our prisons...we are able to possibly see more clearly, see people more clearly, see our objectives, hopes and dreams. We look at the larger picture of things, the consequences of our words and actions, we try not to live in fear of the past or fear of the unknown, we trust....and hopefully in the end...we all find the LOVE we deserve....