I know you've missed my incredible writing skills presented in the harsh and formidable place known as china! But alas u.u..... my time is better spent playing hour's worth of civilization, and fending off angry "taxi" cab drivers (those cheap imitation drivers will never fool me). However for the common people's wishes, I will present my ideas in such a way that you can enjoy listening to them, to better your lives.
And we're off!
Let's start with taxi drivers, but more specifically the close relative: "taxi" drivers. Don't dare show fear to these people! You know the ones, that lurk in your shadow waiting for your pathetic attempt to hail a real taxi to fail, jumping at the opportunity presented by your innocent fragile state of unknowing and need for any kind of help. They will use and manipulate you, bend your wallet to their will, take from you whatever they can be it money, clothing, or children. But, my dear reader, as I am no weak willed fool, this ploy at power was not allowed, until of course my mother broke under there shrewd cunning ways. In the car we went my mom bitter at the fact that she succumbed to the overpriced trip, and myself telling her how weak and incapable she had been (in the gentlest way possible of course, dear reader). Step two of these creatures plot is to worm their way into your brain using mind tricks and slight, timed, and prepared movements. They will moan and complain during the trip, "oh this is too long" they will say in mandarin, "oh the amount you paid will not do, no no!" they will state in their foreign tongue. The movements come later, not a knife to the throat, dear reader, but something more deadly and mind controlling. They will swerve to the side, almost as if to drop you off in the middle of the highway, because this trip was "more than they were signed up for", and only through blunt and forceful command will they continue on their trip humbling and grumbling. We finally got to our home, and my mother was already breaking down at this man's ploys. We exited the car as he initiated his third money grubbing technique: the "you owe me" trick that is seen in many a mobster film (minus the large guns, fedoras and bad Italian accents). He will stand beside you telling you that you owe him 50 or 60 or more than you do, because the trip was hazardous and filled with moose walking across the countryside streets (do not be fooled! moose, my dear reader, can only be found in PARTS of china, and not around the area we were, I can safely say). My mother's brain almost exploded as I walked away to recover something from the hotel lobby, and I was later retold that she threw a 10 at him and stormed off, which unlike popular belief, is not the ideal choice for fending off people who want money (I am still surprised to this day that I did not wake to the man over by bed). The rest they say is moot, and the night took on a boring tone compared to the horrors that drive through the darkness held.
From the desk of Kurin (the g) Laing
editors note: "I would like to inform the readers of this mighty fine piece of work, that contrary to popular fact, the drivers mentioned in this article are not specific too nor found only in china, and may be found in all parts of the world (however scientists are starting to find startling evidence that the birth place of the "overpriciest taxiuss" is actually in a small town in Mexico, where the only occupation is in fact "driver")."
Thank you for your time