You boys look like you're having just a little bit too much fun. No fair!! Oh OK then, just carry on....
Fee Indus
Dear Ben, Please find attached email from your customer service department.........................Dear Mrs F.Indus, thank you for your letter dated 1st July regarding the shrapnel you found in a pack of "Birds Eye Crusty Salmon Sledges" you purchased in your local Asda. Firstly, I would like to send my sincerest appologies to you for the distress this has caused. Obviously biting into a piece of shrapnel is not the nicest thing, when you should be enjoying a nice face full of salmon aroma. Imagine the outer golden crust. Then as you eat, the beutiful full fishy taste tingles your taste buds. mmmm. Secondly, since these are actually quite bad for you I would like you to try the new range of products called "Fruit". This might help you reduce the problem you mentioned, notably, and I quote "I am one humungeous clinically obese mother f***er". Now, I wouldn't have worded it that strongly myself but you certainly are a fat c*** Thirdly, i would just like to abuse you on your choice of shopping establishment. Asda is for pikeys. In conclusion, I apologise for the shrapnel but find myself strangly wanting to hit you hard with a shovel. P.s I knew it was a wind up when I saw your name. Far too similar to our competitors "Findus". Therefore there will be no free vouchers or any further correspondence except JUST WIPE THAT CHOCOLATE B-B-B-B-BUTTON OF YOUR FACE ACE ACE ACE. Yours faithfully, Captain "dead" Birds Eye, Customer Services Executive.
PC
Just turn it off!
Bbqboy
Hi there, hope this doesn't bore you like the last...ahem. I got off the boat at quack-bin-bow in the Xingwon region. I couldn't believe it, the beaches were so yellow and the sea so blue. It actually bought tears to my eyes and s*** stained my nice white boxers with liquified s***. I believe KP-1 had the same problem when she travelled the world, must have been something dodgy in the fresh water tank perhaps. Anyway, I composed myself and went off to explore blowzing. This was 90,000 feet above sea level but luckily many miles under the moon. The air was thin, yet I still managed to pull a hairy French slag, who happened to love "Danone" yoghurts but not birds eye ready meals. I promply did the deed and ran. those french eh? Good news, I hear BBQ boy himself has returned from afar with "the waggler". All I can say is "why does no one accepy my platinum card in timbuktoo" - lets go back to bed.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
Wap Wap Wap Wap
Alison
Weirdos! Reckon you message board freaks have lost the plot big time :o) Anyway, just checking in, had an email from Our Ches today who's back in Europe having survived a couple of coups. Liked the pics from muscle beach, betcha wich you could strut around the DC Annual Barbecue like that - give Mr Gover something else to add to the rules and regulations on how not to have fun. Sadly for you though, the BBQ is tonight and none of Supply Chain are going anyway! See ya!
Arnold Schwarzenegger
I really wish that this strange man would stop posting on my website! If you crossed you biking and KPs body you would more or less have lance armstrong so get down that genetics lab now and start making babies you chutney ferrets! You could be depriving England of an olympic champion!
Get on that bike you under the thumb bababababababa clinically obese I have 3 meals to myself down the wetherspoons hands off my chilli hill motherf***er.
Ben Kid
Dom - you are the funniest bloke alive, people keep looking at me strangely in the internet cafe's as they wonder why I am crying...crying with laughter that is.
By the way, you obviously want to be Kev and have his rippling muscular body otherwise why else would you use his name!
As a way of signing off all I can say is..you clinically obese mother f***er. Get back to your shrink!
Dominic
Hi Neil and ben, just thought I'd post a quick message on here as i haven't for a while. Looks quite busy on here! There are some really odd messages though. Are you scared of this person? Anyway, hope the holiday is going well and you are having fun. The house is ok and eveyone is getting on so well. We have many visitors including shiv, phil, graham, prison and so so many more. Ha ha ha, brings back happy memories of when you boys were here. Tsk, i just can't wait until you get back, i miss you so much :-( . Here's a message to the odd ball poster - f*** off you clinically obese, obviously f***ed in the head, on your bike fat c*** seek counselling forthwith you mental. YES - you mental, sounds like you have some front lobe damage and probably jekle and hyde reincarnated...you cock. Now, neil and ben, be safe and don't let that weirdo put you off. You're both so great, jesus christ will look apon you from his silver 306 and make sure that if you ever need a wicker basket to float on the river away from king herod, you shall have. Omen, The.
Strange Email Man
For those who read all these unusual messages from someone who fills out ridiculous messages and then you tried the email link and it gets returned, here's a brief reason as to why. They are private and for neil and Ben only who fully understand he meaning of the secret text herein. Furthermore, don't try and deceipher the cryptic texts because no-one in their own mind knows why "i like your statement", "ba ba ba", "wipe that stain off your face", "cough cough" and many more statements are funny (do YOU like my statement?) So there we have it you...you....you bearded over fishing "findus lean cuisine" birds eye seagull lynx effect muller light yoghurt foaming claygate walton station 60's attrocity in the middle of no-where translating cryptic messages sweat on the chair SAP installing funksters. All I can can conclude from this is cough cough....
Kevin Parker
Hello, My name is kevin parker, yes, i really is. I wanted you all to know my name is KEVIN PARKER - THAT IS MY NAME. Dont use it or abuse it because it is mine, just like my big rippling muscles and my humungeous bicepts. Lord Humungeous in Mmad Max 2 (the one with the mask and deep voice). He's just BENT. I am kevin Parker the new lord humungeous. Ah ryhme.....I sit on the ab ball, doing my roll, along came a troll and stated that he's really called nicole. Nicole Nicole who the hell are you, Nicole Nicole who the hell are you? Finally, my name is Kevin parker - keep it real. I'm off to do some community work at the "Israel mohammed asheen ibrahim UBN" centre just down the road, then give blood, fill out a council survey, wrap a food parcel to send to Bombay, eat some Bombay potato then have an all you can eat chinese round for football. Yes, goodbye, from Kevin Parker. That is my name. P.s I have no affiliation with the other "KP" mentioned on this "Neil and Bens holiday Forum". He is also Kevin parker, but not the SAME as this Kevin parker. As they sing on the terraces, "there's only 2 kevin Parkers...there's only 2......." la la la
James
Kid can you please clarify what exactly counts as 'pulling'. Does it involve kissing with tounge or is holding hands enough?
Nice pictures by the way Parker, I almost wish I had stayed around for a bucket that night to just to see you doing a muscle parade on the beach!!!!
The Perenthians were awesome so if you can handle another beach I'd recommend it. There are some photos on my blog if you're interested!