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So after seven days in Koh Tao, having seen all that was on offer from the ocean, the bars and the Jack Wills summer catalogue, it was time to move north through Thailand. BG tried yet again, unsuccessfully, to get me to partake in a ridiculously long journey by public transport, "I know it will take sixteen hours and we lose a nights sleep but we'll gain a day" - is that actually supposed to an argument in his favour?! We (and by we, I mean I), decided it would be far better to break our journey in half and so we headed to Chumpon via ferry. Getting to the rickety jetty to wait for the boat, we were ushered into a harbour side cafe (equally rickety) by another neo nazi. Not happy with everyone making their own way in and taking a seat, she pointed everyone to an exact seat and then screamed at them if they deigned to sit somewhere else, nice. This meant that we actually had to share a table with strangers and we all know what that means... DANGER. Luckily, I glared at them (including BG) so much that none of them attempted to strike up a conversation.
So luggage once again precariously perched on the front of the ferry, we took our seats for the three hour ride. Unfortunately, the skies were grey and torrential rain ensued soon after we left so it was a pretty dull trip, not made any better by the fact that we were sitting on those moulded plastic seats that, combined with the copious amounts of sunscreen we were wearing, meant that we slid down then stuck in a sticky heap to the seat for the entire journey.
Arriving at the Chumpon dock we were ushered onto a teeny tiny bus which about thirty people were expected to ride in, us: "there's no room", driver (agitated): "get on, get on". Like sardines in a tin (literally), with two boys hanging for dear life onto the back, we charged through the town and got dropped near our hostel.
Having dumped our stuff into our rather palatial room, we wandered to the main street to get some street food for supper. 60p later, BG was tucking into an amazing phad Thai (I was suffering from a wobbly tummy so had to be contented watching him eat) on the side of a busy street / impromptu street cafe. Amazing food although not exactly relaxing eating on a busy street, and especially not once a huge spider decided to crawl up BG's leg and chill just below his knee. Now, for those not in the know, BG will not go to bed if there is so much as a teeny tiny money spider scuttling along the wall and I am often expected to get out of bed and deal with the 'terrifying' spider no bigger than an ant while BG sweats and hyperventilates and keeps telling me how HUGE it is. But now it is actually huge. And on his knee. Just as BG spotted it I managed to swiftly flick it away while BG cottoned onto what had just happened and started to drain of colour. The rest of the meal was spent with his head practically under the table looking out for the next killer spider coming to try his luck while I tried not to laugh (or throw up!).
Next morning was our first experience of Thai trains and I was pretty nervous about a six hour trip and more importantly, the train toilets, eugh. Having again, got through some pretty hefty security (aka a very official looking man fast asleep at the security post) and been told that the train times were only approximate and could vary an hour either side (!), we were relieved when the train turned up. Having found our seats, I calmed down slightly as they looked very comfortable and not entirely filthy and BG got ever-so excited when we realised that we got a three course meal as part of our ticket price (about £5). However, this excitement quickly dulled once he peeled back the lid of the airplane-like tray to reveal several sections of gloop of varying consistencies but all a similar grey-brown colour. Never one to turn down a meal, he gave up trying to identify each of the sections (is it pork, is it dog?) and tucked in with fervour managing to eat about a third of it before realising it really was too disgusting to finish. Never mind, there's always pudding and how wrong can they get that?! Turns our, very wrong. The same unfortunate shade of grey-brown and akin to frogspawn, again BG was undeterred. Half a teaspoon later, he declared himself full and put the lid back in place so he didn't even have to look at it again. The rest of the journey was pretty uneventful, BG trying to get me to drink something, "you'll get dehydrated and make yourself ill", uh no, I'll need to go to the gross train toilet, I'd rather be dehydrated. Am quite proud that I have so far avoided using any toilet facilities on public transport, quite a lesson in bladder training I think.
Eight hours later and we arrived in Kanchanaburi (home of the river Kwai and the bridge over) jumped into a tuk tuk and headed to the backpackers area where we found somewhere nice to stay. Next morning, having heard that the River Kwai bridge was a bit tacky, we headed to Hellfire Pass, part of the infamous death railway that cuts through 73 by 25 meters of solid rock, all of which was cut by hand by prisoners of war. One of three main tourist attractions in the area, we headed to the nearest tuk tuk driver and asked how much it cost to go there. Hmmmmm, apparently tuk tuk drivers here - who rely entirely on tourist trade for their income, don't know the names of the tourist attractions. Crazy. After ten minutes of more and more irate gesturing and pointing at maps on our part, we gave up and decided to head to the bus station and do it the local way. Feeling very pleased with ourselves, we got onto the bus with our 30p tickets (not bad for a two hour journey) and headed out of town. What the bus lacked in suspension and aircon, it made up in entertainment. Interesting passengers, grumpy ticket collectors and amazing views made us feel very glad that we'd done it the proper way and we vowed to do all journeys by public transport going forward. We got dropped off right outside the museum entrance and were assured by the bus driver that the returning bus would pick us up at 5pm on the opposite side of the street, sorted!
The museum was amazing, funded and curated by Australia so was very well executed and way less random than some of the other museums we've been to but without the British need to keep everything behind glass. Having swotted up on our history and walked through the jungle (in blistering heat, me: 'this is why we're not doing trekking BG'), we then walked through Hellfire pass itself which was seriously impressive. The lamps and some of the broken equipment were still embedded in the rock so it was like stepping back in time.
Not wanting to miss the bus home, at 4.15 we headed out to part of the road we got dropped off and waited. And waited. And waited. Five came and went. Waited a bit longer. Museum security man assured us that it would come between five and five thirty so although very hot and bored we weren't too perturbed. At six we got perturbed. Security man then announced with a shrug of his shoulders that there must have been an accident so no bus. Now seriously perturbed. At six it starts to get dark, we were two hours away from our accommodation in the middle of nowhere on an almost empty road with no way of getting home and a security man who was about as useful as a ten pence piece and a bit of string. In the next ten minutes of mild panic it got almost completely dark so we decided to head up to what looked like a roadside plant stall. We tried to explain the situation to the family running it who didn't speak any English and our Thai is non existent. After another ten minutes they understood. Hooray we thought, they will be able to help us, relief starting to melt the panic. Not for long. Said family just laughed at us and basically implied though the medium of mime that the only way home was to hitch hike. OMG. They started furiously waving at any passing vehicle until a yute stopped. After lots of frantic Thai conversing with the driver (am actually quite glad we didn't understand what they were saying), they gestured for us to get in the van. Climbing in, we tried to convey our thanks to the driver who was essentially a Thai Joe Mangle, complete with white wife-beater. Joe (we never found out his actual name) was very quiet despite BG's attempts to draw him into conversation. This was clearly because either a) he wanted to continue with the quiet drive he'd had planned or b) he was a serial killer. The journey took two hours which is a long time to be in a van with someone who's potentially a mass murderer. Fear not, the story ends well, not only did Joe drop us back in Kanchanaburi, but he insisted on driving us right to the door of our guesthouse and refused to take any money. Turns out Joe was a good guy and I do now feel a little bad that for two hours I had him down as the Thai Jack the Ripper.
The next day, we headed to Erawan National Park (having paid for a private taxi, no more public transport for us) to see some Russians, sorry, Waterfalls. Cited as the biggest waterfall in Thailand, with seven separate tiers, I was super excited about fulfilling a lifelong ambition to swim in a waterfall. However.... What all the glorious photos don't tell you is that a) the place is LITERALLY full of Russians and b) the pools are full of nibbling fish. It soon became apparently that one compensates for the other though. After a very quick attempt to swim in one of the pools, 'quick BG, take the photo, they're eating me, I need to get out' we would have been lacking in entertainment were it not for the Russians. Now, we have not met, heard or seen one Russian person before or since on our trip so we really don't know where else they go or why they visit on mass to this place but boy were they entertaining. All the females were in teeny tiny metallic bikinis and all the menfolk were in teeny tiny (and tight) speedos. While BG got a few more unflattering photos of me trying not to drown or be eaten alive, the women of Russia were in full make up, lying across rocks pushing their boobs together and generally trying to recreate some of Jordan's best poses. Genius. They really did put me to shame and I'm actually quite gutted we don't get to see any of their holiday snaps...
So, back at our hostel and we're ready to move on until... duh, we've completely forgotten to visit the bridge on the river Kwai. BG: 'quick, we've still got time, let's jump in a tuk tuk and go see it'. Me (tired): 'you go, if I want to see it, it's on google.' Thus ends our time in Kanchanaburi...
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