Having seen so many great fish floundering around in the shallow water of the beach, we decided that a snorkelling trip would be a good investment and would enable BG to further his quest to find Nemo and increase his empathy with all things aquatic. Quality being key at all times, we went for the cheapest trip we could find (£10 for a full day of being on a boat, going to five different snorkelling locations and including tea, coffee and lunch - bargain).

Getting to the dock at 9.30 (me whinging all the way there... uh, I'm meant to be on holiday, this is worse than work...), it quickly became apparent that the cheapest option may not have even the best idea. In a dock full of fairly safe and modern looking boats, we were led to what can only be described as a rusty baked bean can floating on water that seemed to be missing it's boarding ramp. Ah, that's because our boat was made in 17BC, before boarding ramps were invented and our guides looked at us as though we were crazy for expecting some sort of aid for getting on board. Now, this really did take mind the gap to a whole new level. Not only was the gap massive (about a meter), but the can, sorry, boat, was, moving all over the place meaning the gap was anything but a known and constant entity. We were unfortunate enough to attempt our mount right after a girl got both hands on the boat only for it to suddenly jerk away from the jetty edge leaving her with both feet on the jetty, both arms on the boat and being pulled into the water where she would have almost certainly got crushed between the jetty's stone wall and the side of the boat. She was a not of a lithe, slim build and we all watched in horror as two weedy Thai boys tried desperately to grapple with her ample frame and pull her back onto dry land, as she wailed like a banshee. Unfortunately there aren't photos of this as we did actually think she was going to die and all watched in complete horror until she was hauled to safety. Not perturbed, our guides merely looked at us and asked 'who next?' as if this was a run of the mill occurrence. I decided a rip the plaster approach was required so literally prayed and leapt at the same time and landed safely on board with BG not too far behind. There proceeded to be a ten minute wait while the sobbing girl, recovering from her near death experience was persuaded to take her life in her hands for a second time which luckily ended with her on the boat and not in the water.

So now BG and I are on the roof of the boat realising that the boat's facilities literally amount to floor, walls and ceiling, and sat down on the floor along with the cast of Skins who had also decided a days snorkelling was in order, excellent. Now this boat / can journey really did take choppy to a whole new level and at times it felt like we were all going to get tipped into the ocean and left to drown. Standing was not an option and so we all clung desperately to the sides and tried to hold down our breakfast as we chugged and chopped our way to the first beach.

Health and safety talk over "jump off the top, go, go", we took a snorkel each and I grabbed a life jacket (to BG's horror, "really, you're going to wear that?!"), and jumped into the ocean, ok, tentatively crept down the steps into the sea an inch at a time. Our photos aren't great of the actual snorkelling as we were too cheap to invest in an underwater camera and decided to shove my digital camera into a zip lock bag and hope that it a) could take photos though a bag and under water and b) wouldn't die a very wet death. I don't think the results are too bad considering. Please note there are no photos of me under water due to the very efficient life jacket I was wearing which kept me firmly at surface level at all times, safety first.

So with my ear infection finally gone for the first day in four weeks (hooray!) I decided I could risk putting by head under water and channel Madison (Splash) as best I could (damn it, knew I should have packed my crimpers). It really was completely awesome, so many fish of all different colours and sizes (some of them alarmingly large) that literally swam alongside us and underneath us. We also took great delight in watching the pesky black ones attack the unsuspecting cast of Skins who were all far too hungover to understand what was happening.

And so the day went on, sailed to a cove, jumped into the ocean (Tom Hanks, sorry, BG did actually jump in from the top of the boat, I left my nose clip behind so had to stick to the steps, yep, seriously), swam and snorkelled and then got back onto the boat to sail to the next cove, repeat. An excellent way to spend the day. Eating chicken fried rice on a choppy boat proved a bit of a challenge and there was certainly no 'wait 20 minutes after eating before entering the water' rule here but it really was amazing.

BG was most perturbed to learn that it was too choppy to go to Shark Bay and tried unsuccessfully to bully our guide into taking us there - strange considering he's terrified of sharks and spends the whole time in the sea looking out for them, even when in 10cm of water. Instead we went to three tiny islands connected by a stretch of beach in between each one. This would have been complete bliss had BG not ripped the bottom of his foot open on a rusty nail on the wooden walkways. GROSS. This slightly took the edge off the rest of the afternoon as it was spent mostly trying to scrape sand and debris out of the sole of his foot while he winced in pain (fully recovered now thanks to a purchase of iodine, so no need to worry friends and family).

We certainly learnt that over here you definitely get what you pay for but all in all we, and the cast of Skins, had a lovely day...