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The Simple Life
Week 5 Contd: The FA Cup Final night turned into a very drunken affair. Deciding to spend the evening in an Irish Bar was not as we had expected. Good enough bar I'm sure, just not our cup of tea. How glad were we that we were pissed before we even left the house! Never the less we decided to stay there drinking until we fell over or got thrown out. The fact we were practically the last people to leave the bar says it all. The night is a bit of a blur however we do recall debates over the football results, unsavoury types trying to chat us up, horrendous rock music and the first of many disappearing acts from The Jamester!
All extremely worse for wear we headed out for breakfast the following morning. We shouldn't even have been seen in public. The full english breakfast did nothing to alleviate the hangover and we think the waitresses were happy to see us leave (it's never the same without black pudding and irn bru.....). Another Sunday wasted dying at home. We all seemed to go through crazy half hour stints entertaining the others but Jamie played the game the longest deciding to get smashed again. We did find him alone in the room talking to himself at one point hahahaha......
Week 6 - It was a fairly uneventful week until the Thursday. Jamie departed for Sydney again and we decided to join Georgie at Seven for a mid week session. Before we even begun to get ready we knew the night was going to be carnage, the wine was flowing too freely. We headed out about 11pm with the intention of returning by 2am at the latest (work was beckoning the next morning). It became pretty obvious when we rocked up to the door and were asked for ID that this was a young student night - although we were a bit miffed that the bouncer hastily backtracked when he took a good look at us! The students were not of the grungy minging variety but more like they'd walked off the pages of a fashion mag - OVERSTYLED!!!!!! The fact that they were 18 year old models did not put us off our stride. Downing vodkas like there was no tomorrow we were quickly s*** faced, so once we saw the Seth (from the OC) lookalike there was no stopping us. Practically scraping Lynne off the ceiling she composed herself for about 2 seconds only to lose a contact lens by perving so much. Very funny, however squinting and drooling was clearly not a look "Seth" was impressed by hahahaha....... 2am passed, 3am passed and by 4am we were hanging off the bar trying to chat up the staff. Deciding we were both going to be sick if we drank anymore we fell outside into a cab home. The driver was not too impressed with our "Ahm gonna spew" calls from the back seat! Yes people we added a touch of Scottish class to Melbourne.
Making a valiant attempt to get to work 3 hours later Lyndsay made it to the shower but after sliding down the glass thought the best option would be to "throw a sickie". Lynnith was still believing that she would make it to work an hour later but funnily enough when that time came "the sickie" was proving too tempting an option. By 10am we found ourselves in a take-away cafe giving it the head in hands, huffing and puffing not yet sober, hangover kicking in look. We're actually surprised they let us in we must looked and smelt like a couple of alchies. NICE! The day was a write off, the fact we were in bed on a Friday hysterically crying whilst watching Beaches doesn't make us sad in the slightest ok?!?! (or put us off the demon drink)
It was too cold to venture out Saturday afternoon so we prepared ourselves for an evening out somewhere. We had been in touch with Pat (a friend of a friend) for the last couple of weeks trying to hook up so we were waiting to see what him and his crew were doing. However our wee pal Alex came up with the goods when he txt'd to see if we were going to see Bodyrockers at Prince that evening. Couldn't get us in the shower and the slap on fast enough! After the Eric Morillo disaster and heeding Alex's warning we got to the club at 9:45pm, the queue was round the corner and the doors weren't even open. Have you ever heard the like?! The doors were open at 10pm and by 10:30pm they were turning people away. We did not make ourselves any friends after we bumped some Aussie guys we were chatting to in the queue when we realised we wouldn't gain entry if the bouncer thought they were with us!!! Dumping them we skipped upstairs to the club. We had to dodge them all night after we realised that they'd gotten in anyway!
Hooked up with Alex and his friends and the place was bouncing by the time the Bodyrockers came on. They were so fking cool and they sang their massive hit standing on top of the decks with electric guitar in hand. You should have seen us, it was like Xmas morning! Lynnith had a short but very sweet encounter with a very sexy skinhead who had every girl in the club wanting to take photos with him. Thinking he was totally out of her league Lynne almost fainted on the spot when he came over and introduced himself. However, she knew it was too good to be true as he flitted away as quickly as he'd appeared. We were home by a respectable 4am as we planned to venture over the door on the Sunday.
The Irish Bar clearly couldn't have held that many bad memories as we headed back for beef & guiness pie and mashed tatties on the Sunday afternoon, mmmmm.......... We then went to watch the new Star Wars film at the cinema, which was fab.
Week 7 - We were very nostalgic our last week in Melbourne and wished we had longer. We both got a job for the last couple of days working together which proved to us that we definitely couldn't work permanently in the same place. We'd be sacked after a week! We found ourselves having to run to the toilets at one point in hysterical fits of laughter!
We broke up the week by Wednesday night dinner at the Cubby House. You'll be shocked and amazed to hear we had no alcohol. So by the Friday we were raring to go. Having asked numerous people for advice of bars for the more mature clientele we found ourselves in a bar called Transport in Federation Square. Meat Market doesn't even cover it. By the time we left 2 drinks later we both felt violated! Dirty old men in suits and drunken locals letching everywhere. Do these men actually think they stand a chance. PLEASE!!!!!!! We hastily moved on to The Lounge which was a funky little upstairs bar. It was all very laid-back and relaxed until 11pm when the tables were cleared, the skanks crawled out of the woodwork and the techno DJ appeared. Needless to say we bolted quick smart. Having another modelling session with the mannequins we then gave in and decided to go home.
Saturday afternoon we started our packing for Sydney. It's amazing how much s**t you can cram into one backpack!
As it was our last soiree in Melbourne we decided to throw caution to the wind and head to the members only Q Bar and beg to be let in!!!!!! Obviously forgetting how fabulous we were for a moment there was to be no entry issues. We'd been at a funky bar beforehand although made a hasty exit when some ginger called Lyndsay a fking pommie a******* and was dumbstruck when she responded you're a fking aussie retard. We fell into the street pissing ourselves. Not impressed with being called pommies hahahaha........ It was going so swimmingly beforehand after Lynne had accosted the cute glass collector who had been giving her the eye. Funnily enough he was british and numbers were exchanged.
The Q Bar was as cool as we thought it would be and we txt'd Pat again on the off chance of meeting up. We had to run to the toilet to perform an excited dance when he called to say him and his crew were on route. Less than an hour later the 2 of us were tripping over our jaws as we tried to act cool walking over to meet them. We knew it, we bloody knew it! They were all funkatrons, had their own cabinet with a vodka bottle in the bar, were our age group, our type of people and IT WAS OUR LAST FKING SATURDAY NIGHT. Pouring our own vodkas, hooked up with 2 of Pat's mates Luke and Elliot, dancing to some of our fave tunes, it couldn't get any better. Not wanting the evening to end we headed back to Elliot's for a party. Somehow Lyndsay ended up in St Kilda and Lynne was found wandering around the streets of Prahan at 8am with stilettos on and no clue where she was. Luckily enough a cab appeared just as she'd given up the will to live.
Lyndsay found her way home a couple of hours later then yet another few hours later we found ourselves on the offical Neighbours tour after a traumatic hour trying to have a peaceful breakfast - Melbourne is the freak circus on a Sunday morning! We couldn't not go to Ramsay Street when we were in Melbourne but very hungover with 2 hours sleep and on the cheesiest tour EVER we were pretty relieved when it was all over. How cool was it to see Harold's house and how small is the street though?!?!
Luke picked us up in town and came for Sunday dinner and we finished off our packing. How typical our last weekend in Melbourne we'd met 2 very nice guys who wanted to see us again and the british glass collector was also wanting us to go out drinking with him and his mates. Men are like buses hey........
We awoke begging the question why had we booked a flight for a Monday! It was a quite hurried still dying trip to the airport. We're not sure at what point we suddenly realised we were heading to Sydney and the excitement took over the headaches and tiredness. That and the fact the hottest man in the World was getting on our plane. We hoped this was a sign of things to come........
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