notes from the road: just because you wander, doesn mean your lost, but sometimes it does.

this journey is savage, but so am i. which makes me one of the few suitable beings able to survive it. this traveling bit truly isnt made for anyone, but i think everyone should try it sometime. and not just relaxing poolside with a tropical coctail in hand experiencing an exotic destination straight from the ruthless depths of a tourist trap. the inescapable truth is, you never really experience a foreign land untill you try it like the locals do and dive into the heart of the culture head first and really try to dive it home. put away the fodors and the top 10, throw out your wardrobe and hit the streets. eat like a local, dress like a local, speak like a local. try to act less like a tourist and more like a disconnected expat in search of the missing link that the fouding fathers left out of the sacred constitution. try blending in for a change. im of the belief that any person who wears a fanny pack around to carry all their material crap in because it "makes it easier" should be burned at the stake. no trial, no jury, just pure sweet smelling justice in the form of melting flesh. yes, i am talking about you! the guy who hides the fanny packdeep in the chambers of his walk in closet behind all the tailored designer wool suits and then pulls it out triumphantly and the first sign of possibel family vacation to some new and exciting foreign destination. dont be afraid of who you are. just do us all a favor and dig that fanny pack out from behind the wool curtain, give it one last proper dust off and then take it out back and empty your whole bladder on the f***er. it doesent belong here and you know it. you kew it from the moment you reluctantly grabbed it off the shelf at your favorite wall mart looking over your shoulder just in case anyone who actually knows you is watching you about to commit this heinous crime. let me tell you something, my friend, you will be relieved to have rid the world of such filth when its all over, i promise. time is of the essence on this matter, and we are all anxiously awaiting your response. kelly