Still here~

Laurie and I had been playing phone/email tag for a while and finally yesterday moring the ice melted! Answering the phone with cup of coffee in hand, there she was-actually on the other end!

I had quite a bit of questions pent up about my pack and toiletries. Did you know that toiletries weigh the most in a backpack? Crazy right! I had questions like, should bring moisturizer or not, suntan lotion or not, facial cleaner or not. You know, how rugged and bare minimum do I go?

After talking about basics and feeliing more sure about what to take and what not, came the questions about my foot. I told her all that had been going on with the podiatrist and that I have been unable to walk with shoes. That flip flops have been my prefered method of transport!

Laurie told me she seen some folks traveling the Camino in Teva's and or/sneakers. Cheering me on, she recommended I use what ever works. I don't need to wear hiking boots. It's ok. She said. It's my Camino.

I also shared my concern with the lack of training I've had. She said, "Don't worry, many people go on the Camino in different levels of athletic conditioning." She recommended that I just be careful and go easy. She also told me that many people use taxi's to transport their bags and even themselves if they can not make it from place to place.

I began to feel hopeful.

Later in the day, I lifted wieghts and did my sit ups and then put my filled backpack and spent the next 7 minutes going up and down stairs. I figured maybe I could do this. It was at least something. Towards the seven minute mark I felt my foot hurting so unlike the last time it started to hurt and I kept walking, this time I stopped. Putting everything down and getting settled I realized, that was that. The pains were back. This time on my heal and on the top of my foot nerve pain.

I was so sad again and dissapionted in myself. I should have waited....

Later in the evening, I meditated inviting all the different sensations and feelings in for tea and annasett cookies. Like the Hafiz poem, The Guest House. We sat together at a round table. I listened to their voices. The pain came and went , came and went.

By the time it was time for bed and I put my foot in the black velcroed brace, I knew I messed up again and felt regretful for my actions.

I slept with anxiety. I woke up at 3:00 p.m. Took off the split, went to the bathroom. My foot hurt and anxiety riddled my body/mind. After putting the splint back on I lay in bed. My chest was tight, the splint needed to be loosened because of the dicomfort and I remembered to ask. "Please come in anxiety and have some more tea and cookies. Let's sit together again." And so we did. I heard it's voice.

After a while of laying on my back something happened. There was a wave of relaxation that washed over my right foot. Grace! My heart no longer tight - the anxiety evaporated.

That's when I realized the anxiety I was feeling was actually nerve pain.