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The adventure begins!
Up at 3.25..., very tempted to visit housemates at the hotel by banging on their windows for 3 hours, to pay them back for my previous nights sleep, but then we would have missed the flight and I'm not that mean really.
The journey to the airport was uneventful apart from getting completely lost looking for our parking place. Never follow sat nav postcode when looking for airport parking.
Smug me thinking 'they all think I'm odd but it pays to have extra time allowed.
So still on schedule we park. Thankful that it's not raining (I'm still worried these cases aren't waterproof!)
It's a short walk to the bus stop, thankfully the 70 or so people plus cases that were waiting as we arrived had been picked up so we were about 10th in the queue for a bendy airport bus. Phew, these buses run every 15 minutes and take 10 to get there. By my calculation the bus needs to be here within 17 minutes for us to still be on schedule (45 minutes earlier than needed for any normal people not obsessed with being late ... Like I am)
Yay here comes a bus... The now 100 strong queue , plus cases, all surged forward and we became more familiar with the personal hygiene (or lack of it) of our distinctly European neighbours in the queue. They have no idea about personal body space !
We all sighed urrrggghhhh
Another 13 minutes went by and so did another bus.
A little pitbull of a woman from the front of the queue barged her way back to the help button on the wall and asked why the buses hadn't stopped. The very harsh and unhelpful lady on the other end said we were all at the wrong bus stop! Further groans as the rest if us looked around to see where the nearest other bus stop was... As we started walking another bus arrived.
By the time we get to the airport we are now exactly on normal person 'in time ness' 2 hours exactly til our flight. Not good enough for me ... I want to hang around aimlessly for at heady 45 minutes in departures!
I like the ryanair colours. Their check in staff we're polite and efficient. Shame the same couldn't be said for their clientele. Whole families hurriedly taking things out of luggage littered the areas beside the check in desks.
I counted at least 2 families in the wrong queue for the wrong flights. Oh and more body odour! For goodness sake, you know you are going on a plane .... You know you will be in close proximity to other humans that share no blood or love connection with you so please... Is it too much to ask to wash before you set off!
We waited an almost intolerable length of time to check in our one suitcase weight 2.8 kilos less than the allocated.
Then we were herded like ceremonial sheep to slaughter, through an electronic barrier and onto security.
My goodness it seems everyone is flying today! And the people who don't read instructions and guidelines are all in the queue in front of us. 'Sorry love this belt is closing now (so we can search the two suitcases of the lady that has brought 2 when the rules clearly state only one per person) (lady covered from forehead to tippy toes in a black garment.... Need I say more, I have always thought Essex to have a larger share of biggots than most other southern counties)
Oh perlease! We are going to be late ! We're not going to miss the plane but my schedule is well and truly out of the window.
Not taking any risks this time, I explain to the nice lady with the hand held searching machine. I have been searched every time, I tell her. So this time I took all my lovely hand made by me silver jewellery off and put it in my luggage. And slipped her a business card. I was getting worried she would search me just for the hell of it.
They have changed the layout of departures at Stanstead... Yes Stanstead.... Hope you didn't think we would fly from Southend when I mentioned Essex .... Is there even a proper airport there?
Anyway this new layout necessitates a huge sweeping walkway that is like the first floor of blue water.... Huge .... And full of expensive shops. We had to navigate a chicane of sales assistants eagerly waiting to spray unsuspecting travellers as the walk by. If we hadn't been running so late we may have stopped but no weatherspoons was waiting to bestow upon us our last full English for the foreseeable future.. Or a week at least.
By now I'm feeling a little queasy... Nauseous and nervous at the same time. Panicking that I might not get time to adorn myself with sexy American tan flight stockings (essential attire if you are a slave to your swollen ankles like I am)
I swooped on a table with the grace and elegance of a dancing rhino, while Vikki placed our order at the bar. Feeling rather more relaxed about the time thing, thinking to myself...'it's only 7.15 am and the gate hasn't even opened yet.... It's ok plenty if time to eat breakfast go to the loo and put my stockings on)
Vikki returned and uttered those fateful words 'they are running a bit behind , breakfast will be 10 minutes or so'!
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