Holy poo! Im rubbish at keeping up with these blog things. So excuse my grammar, excuse my spelling and everything else but its hotter than a mcdonalds apple pie here, and we all know that an apple pie is the hottest thing known to man. Thats science and we both know what happens when you argue with science. The space time continuem could go doolally and the universe could implode. So just trust me, i read it in a book.

Enough of the funny stuff and let me update you on our travels. We left you with the story of Sam and Suzi about to catch a flight to Chiang Mai.

Chiang mai is very nice. Smells alot better than bangkok thats for sure! We were there to visit the elephant sanctuary in Lampur. Before we could do that i had to go through a spot of the s***s, to put it boldly! I was puking and i was not in a good way. Didnt get much sleep that night and Sooz isnt very good with sick people so it was pretty much me and the toilet, i called him herby. I think i was just blocked up and my body was still adjusting and it was all too much haha We had to cancel the 3 day trek into the mountains and just spend the next three days in bed. Which was fine by me cos i felt like death, maybe swine flu i dont know really know, or could have been the river kwai when i jumped off that bridge! Anyway i got better and we ventured to the elephant park in lampur.

Most of the elephants are either rescued or born there and they have to chain them up when they are being trained but alot of them didnt have chains on which was nice to see, lots of land and lots of water to bathe them in. They seemed alot happier. They did a walk around the show area and would courtsey everytime the speaker said their name, it was amazing to see that such a gracious animal and such a large animal could be so poetic in movement. One elephant walked across this log with all feet lined infront of the other and could even turn on it, the balance involved is monumentous. Words cannot describe the gentle nature of these creatures. One school kid had to stand there and the elephant would put his hat on the kid haha but then another elephant came up behind him and sprayed him with water. HAHA TAKE THAT!! WAMMY! it was pretty lol. We watched three of them paint aswell. When you look at the pictures you wont even believe it. The carers only picked the brush up and put it in paint for them and that was it, the elephants drew the whole thing! Better painting than what i can do and im not half bad at art! After the show we went for a ride on one of the elephants and then watched them taking a dip. A Great experience to say the least.

On the 2nd of Nov it was the chiang mai festival to celebrate the end of the rainy season and to also welcome in the new moon. hundreds of thousands of floating lanterns filled the sky like stars in the nights and they would just float in harmony across the night sky, some with sparkly tails and others with bangers exploding behind them, it was an amazing site. We walked down to the town and along the river, firework after firework lighting the sky with all different colours for hours on end. Just the great end to a great 11 or so days in chiang mai, next day we had to leave.

We got to the airport and looked at our plane, it had bloody propellers!!! I didnt think they used them any more!! I mean its the fish equivelant of using a bread knife to cut your fish, theres a fish knife for that, so use that! its better, its what it was built for, its an upgrade! Now we have the jet engine!!!! Use those!!! They dont mind!! It was pretty scary, but the flight to lampra bang was ok apart from having to pay 35$ to get into the country!, we then had to get a connecting flight to vientiane to sort our visas out. Again, another Shoddy excuse for a plane!! So anyway we held our breath and boarded, and it was ok.

We got our bags and asked the taxi guy at the airport (wooden shack or LT11 to my work mates cos thats how big it was) to take us to a guest house cos we didnt have any place to stay, he took us there an called a guy for us at the embasy for our visas! The guy came along to our guest house and we payed him to get our visas for us. LOVELY! no queueing!

Laso was nice and cool and no rain, but it was just dead, i think the only thing to do there is to go tubing but seeing as though we are on a tight budget we thought we would give it a miss, plus we just wanted to get back to thailand.

2 Days later we had our visas for thailand and then we had to get a night coach to Bangkok. Left at 6pm and go to bangkok at 3:30am. It was ok, and their choice of film was good. Swordfish with john travolta! Still, that only killed hours if that! Slept about 4 hours and then got off and stayed in another guest house for a night, next day we went to Koasan road (spelt wrong). Its a mini market and we bought afew things that we needed but the story here was thetwo palm readers. I wanted mine read so we went with this guy down a side alley. He read my palm and told me loads of s*** that was 100% true but they mugged us off. They wanted 5000 baht each which is about 100 quid. I lept up and was thinking that im either guna get stabbed or im guna get lucky and get a punch in and then we could run but it didnt work out like that, i managed to say i aint paying them and got it down to 3000 baht. So silly of me to do that but everyone gets ripped off once, so that was our time i guess. I wasnt in the best of moods and i gave him the money and he wanted me to go back and i told him to f*** off and we walked away. w***ers! Scuse my french but i was so god damn angry with myself and with them. Atleast i know now, and we got out unharmed. Im going to go back there anyway with a katana sword and get my money back! Not really, but it would be nice.

That night we had to get a night train to suranthani so we could go down to phuket. OH MY GOD, imagine get into a tire, and thew tire covered in bugs and rolling across wales for 11 hours. We had to be at the station at half 5 and arrived after our tragic and horrific ordeal at 6am. I slept two hours but just read my book (Yes i can read!).

Straight off the train and onto a rust bucket of a bus for 20 minutes to a meeting point, Stayed there for about 30 minutes and then got onto this truck that was leaking cos it was torrential rain to another coach, this coach wasnt like our last one with a tv and reclining seats, it was a bog standard coach with no air con, can you imagine the mess i was in?! Yes you can, my sweat couldve produced the same amount of salt than the indian ocean! Ewww gross! haha

So the lady at the tourism place told us it would take 3 hours but it didnt, it took 5 hours, but that was more like 7 hours BUT at last, we arrived in Phuket and our first glimpse of the sea. Wow. It was amazing, still not sure it was worth it, but what the hell, we were there and checked into our hotel for 2 nights. Two of Suzis friends, Jen and Liv were going to krabi that day to go to phi phi so we thought we would join them in afew days.

It was around 5 o clock pm now so we went to the beach to see what it was like, it was very nice. You wouldnt believe how warm the water is, unless youve been here you just cant imagine it. Its like a bath. A warm bath! Speaking of washing, do me a favour everyone, everytime you have a shower just think for one minute on how lucky we are. Out here they are lucky to have hot water and a nice bathroom but its just a different planet here. Doing this trip has already shown me how lucky i am to live in Britain. Yes i know England can be a pain in the arse but we have to love it for what it is. Free health care etc and safe rules and regulations that keep everything in order. Something as simple as our traffic laws are a blessing in disguise. There are no rules and regs out here, its everyone for themselves on the road which can make you feel abit anxious at times, everything is bodged together and nothing is governed by anything else. I guess you might think i am talking bollox but believe me, i would give my right elbow to have a nice shower at home and some decent home food. England and Great Britain is a beautiful country and we must love it for what it is. Thailand is lovely but its not home, the whole country seems to be put together with tape and wood. Somehow it works. Thailand is beautiful though, stunning infact, and thats what makes it special. Its views, its beaches, its food and its people.

So we did abit of sunbathing but still not tanned haha BUT im not red either, i have gone over 2 weeks without getting burnt one bit!!! Phone guiness up and tell them we got a new record!

So after 2 days in phuket we got a boat and a bus to koh phi phi (where they filmed the beach movie for people tht didnt know) for 400baht each which is nothing really.

On the boat over we saw some massive jellyfish and some flying fish! These fish would jump out the water and use their fins to fly (glide) about 2 metres and then into the water again and then repeat it, like a stone skimming across the water. It was cool! and the view of the island you get is pretty unique. Massive cliff drops and steap slopes covered in trees it looks exactly like it does in the film.

Stepping off the boat, first thing to do was get somewhere to stay. This is the funny bit, the island is tiny. You can walk from one end to the other in ten minutes and there are no roads and no cars. The only people that use mopeds are the police, apart from that its all narrow streets with shops and bars, like camden really. The community here is tiny and you meet people on night and see them in the street the next day, its surreal.

Our accommodation is basic but 500 baht each and we are here for 5 days so its cheap as chips and with air con! No more sweating! We met up with the girl, Jen and Liv and Jens Cousin Sarah and had a drink then met for dinner. Sarah has sunbathed with bril cream as suntan cream and her face was very red. Redder than i have ever been, and all swollen, bless her, it must have hurt but if you asked me what the worst thing to use as suntan oil would be, my reply would be bril cream! I mean WTF! haha still, they were pretty brown so it must be working!

We went out on the lash last night and went to the reggae bar where they have a thai boxing ring. Iv seen abit on telly but wow these guys are like lightning. They put a what looked to be a 4 year old boy in the ring and his sister that was about 5, into the ring to have it out first to show people how easy it was. The little boy won but it was best of 3 rounds. So wrong and yet so funny! Then you can get in the ring yourself and fight with anyone. This swedish guy got in who must have been a kickboxer cos he wasnt too bad but he had to fight a thaiguy who lived at the boxing ring.

He got his arse kicked in the first round but second round was even and the thai guy was told to lay off him abit so he just had to take it. The swedish guy landed a good kick and a left hook to this guys face and the thai guy went flying. He got up and then wobbled but i think he was acting, still a damn good hook if i ever saw one. We then moved onto another bar and just got on the thai whisky buckets. Then onto the beach. Didnt spend any money really as its 2 for 1 buckets and everyone just drins eachothers! haha

Feeling abit ill this morning and afternoon but back out again tonight i guess! haha The photos will be up tomorrow i think as the tinternet is too slow here on my wifi so we will go into a cafe to do it. Much love all and take care everyone.

xxx