Hello mate, I thought somebody else ought to leave you a message rather than old uncle Pete although his reports are very humourous but ever so slightly biased. We (me and your mum) are headed up t'north this weekend to Hayley's for a bit of Bridesmaid dress hunting. Peter, Helen and the Terrorists are coming as well so Pete, John and I are off to see Wigan V West Ham in the afternoon, should be fun. I'm going to merge in with the locals and disguise myself by taking my own pie along. The Pompey result might have been bad news for West Ham last Saturday but I had them to beat West Ham in my accumulator and managed to win £180 for a fiver stake!!
How long do you think you will be in Perth for? Knowing you it won't be long and you will be off to Thailand or somewhere equally as exotic.
One last thing, your postcard needs updating as the "Current Location" still says Melbourne. It wouldn't be me if I didn't moan hey?

Take care,

Dad

Man City 1 Mighty West Ham 2 - well we've only gone and made it to the semis of the FA Cup. Great performance but typical West Ham; edge of the seat stuff at the end. Pretty poor first half with City having most of the play but nothing to write home about. Then, after 41 mins, Ashton broke through and smashed a shot home past calamity James and we went in at half time one up. Much better second half with lots of end to end stuff with both sides having a few chances. In the 55th minute, they had their Ting Tong full back sent off for trying to slap Ethrington: pretty harsh but you had to laugh. They then went ballistic and had a right go. Now the funny bit: we broke away down the right with Dailly slinging in a cross and then collapsing in agony (he's the new Repka). Instead of booting the ball out of play like most decent teams do, City played on, Musampa was caught in possesion by (all together now ) do, do, do Nigel Reo Coker who broke into their penalty area, passed to Benayoun who passed the ball across the goalmouth for Ashton to slot home his second. I almost wet my pants I was so happy! Five minutes from time they got one back with a smart volley from Musampa (making amends for his earlier mistake) but even with four minutes added time, it was all to late. Couple of headlines in the sensational Soaraway Sun "Dean there, done that" and "Ash, Bang, Wallop": get it! We are now 6-1 to win it outright: good job I took 100s at the beginning of the season! Take care buddy boy.

Mighty West Ham 2 Pompey 4 - Crap!!

Mighty West Ham 2 Bolton 1 (after extra time): Went to this one buddy boy. Bloody freezing but a cheeky little win to put us into the quarter-finals of the FA Cup warmed up the old cockles. Mind you, those Bolton boys must sleep in growbags as everyone of them is gi-normous! Didn't matter though as we took the lead after 10 minutes through a own goal. Benayoun found Marleene standing around on the right wing, minding his own business, miles offside, and his cross was cut out by their defender who only went and bashed the ball against his own keeper and into the net; absolute buffonary! Anyway, didn't last long when Nolan hit a 25 yarder that swerved all over the place (it was heading for the corner flag at one time) and into the net. They had a couple of chances before half time but it stayed at 1 all. Second half we came out and had a go but it was real end to end stuff with not many chances created. And so we went to extra time. Six minutes in Benayoun delivered a low cross in from the right and Marleene dispatched into the roof of the net. 2-1 to the Cockernee boys and thats how it stayed to the end, thank god; didn't fancy penalties. So there you have it; Man City away on Monday night for a place in the semis on 22 April and guess what; silly b***ocks here has gone and booked to go on holiday that day (might have to cancel)! Had a look a your photos; looks like you are certainly seeing ALL of Aus. One question though; does Chelsea call you West Ham?! Take care buddy boy.

hi you old goat!!
just bin on your site looking at your photos and i'm so bloody jealous!! ayers rock photos excellent stuff. you also got to go to keith. i bet the girls the girls laughed so much because i could'nt stop and i thought of the one and only keith lover!! o yes the wizard of oz!![did you???] i will see at work tomorrow if there is any work? and will let you know. so what time do you reckon you will be here? your going to be sleeping in the laundry mate!! nice and cosee!! anyway see you soon and the stanford is calling!! we're going to smash it!! as you know i have!! take it easy mate

Hi everyone, just thought i would leave a quick message to let you know how im getting on as im still really bad at keeping up to date with my postcards! Well i left Melbourne about 2 weeks ago (couldnt be arsed getting a job!) and went to Adelaide, from there i spent 19 hours on a train to get to Alice springs where i have been for just over a week. I went and did the whole Ayres rock thing (which i will put the photos on soon) and im now waiting to get the train again to Darwin. I leave at 4.40pm today and arrive in Darwin at 4.30pm tomorrow, Almost 24 hours on a bloody train, Cant wait!!!! I will update my postcards and photos when i get there! I was gonna do it this week but decided to take full advantage of our upgrade from a hostel to a holiday resort instead! This week i have been mostly...... Swimming, playing golf, playing tennis, getting a good quality sun tan and drinking goon!!! Its a hard life i know!!! Anyway better go i could do with a quick dip in the pool before my mammoth train journey! Take care! P.S Al, ill have a pint of Carlton draft please!

Bolton 4 Useless West Ham 1 - Know this report is quicker that my others but I am on the internet at home doing Hannah's homework; she needs to know the Olympic oath; I always thought it was run as fast as you f**king can but apparently its a bit more subtle that that! Anyway, absolutely walloped yesterday. Pardew fresh from his Ferbruary Manager of the Month award which had clearly gone to his head, left out Marleene, Ashton and Benayoun and bizarrely played Ferdinand in midfield. We were three down at half time and it could have been more if Shaka hadn't pulled off a couple of smart saves. Second half with Ferdinand back in defence, we looked a bit better and managed to get one back through a Young Terry tap in. However, they went up the other end and smashed in a fourth. Pardew confessed that this humilation was caused by his tinkering with the team; buffoon; better play better and win on Wednesday night for the FA Cup replay. Hot off the press: Wenger tells Pardew he is a racist over his comments about Arsenal having no Englishmen in their team; Pardew responds with that his comments were taken out of context; who cares, we beat em earlier in the season and thats all that matters!; Marleene's wife just give birth (knowing Marleene, he was probably just loitering about when the baby landed at his feet!); Young Terry still seeing Miss GB but not sure if they have had sex yet! Take care buddy boy.

hello mate.sorry for ringing you the other night and waking you up. seriously can't remember doing it!! as i said yesterday i felt like s*** and yet again feeling it again today. we stayed in the stanford for the hole arvo and then we went to mount lawley and had a meal and thats all i can remember. its the wine it just knocks me for six well mate enjoy kakadu and i'll see you in a couple of weeks at the old stanford arms for a swift half or two

Mighty West Ham 2 Everton 2 Another point on the old scoreboard. 'fraid I haven't even seen the game on the telly so can't describe the goals. However, if I remember rightly Marleene and Ashton twice put us into the lead with replies from Osman and Beattie (I think they used to be defenders for Ipswich back in the 80s!). My sources at the game reckon we were lucky to get a draw but hey, who cares. More importantly got tickets for the game at Wigan on 25th March (NOT going by train!). Up in Manc land that weekend, visiting Hayley, so me, your dad and your Brother-in-law to be, Northern John, are going to the game. As we will be in the West Ham end I have told John to get practising his cockernee accent and even offered to let him wear my lucky Bobby Moore t-shirt which he surprisingly turned down (he would have felt a richer person if he had)! Also going to the FA cup replay with Bolton next week. I'm mad for it!! Hot off the press (there's a lot this week): News of the World reported that whilst judging the Miss UK beauty competition Young Terry, copped of with the 22 year old winner (life in the old dog yet)! However, she said in her interview that they had not had sex yet (she's a nice girl) which doesn't bode well as he can't even seem to last very long on the pitch these days!: Pardew is going mad. Reckons that Young Terry should be in the World cup squad! Reckons, if needed he could come on for 20 odd minutes at the end and change the game (didn't know they allowed wheelchairs at the world cup?!): Pardew then comes out with that he reckons all for of our forwards (Young Terry, Marleene, Zamora and Ashton) should be on the plane to the World Cup! Didn't know Easyjet were looking for Air Stewards!; Then, in this mornings Sensational Soaraway Sun, he starts having a go at Wenger about the amount of foreigners in the Arsenal team and how he would never do it; yeah right. I bet he wouldn't if he had the cahnce and the dosh! He should shut up and concentate on the Mighty Claret and Blue ruling England, then Europe and then the world! Finally (and your like this), at a client drink last night, boring the pants of a young lady with my facinating stories of my work, the London underground system and walking the dog (I really am a boring tosser) when she only goes and blurts out that she knows Keeley, 19 from Bromley! Yeah, I know absolutely amazing. I was speechless. However she hadn't seen her for a while so that was the end of that story! Take care buddy boy. C'mon you irons!

Hey you old goat! Yeah, I finally made it out of Byron- that place just suited me too well. I'm back in Sydney and about to buy phone credit, so I'll talk to you soon. looks like you've been having a great time. Back to the Gong (the land of men!)soon. Then all the way back to stupid Canada to live at stupid home and get a stupid job. Computer says no.

Bolton 0 Mighty West Ham 0 (FA Cup) Went to this one: never going up North by train again. Remember the Cardiff journey; well it was ten times worse! Tell you all about it when I see you next. Anyway, the mighty Claret and Blue get another good result although the game was pretty poor. First half was particularly bad with Pardew playing five across the midfield which didn't really work. They were all crash, bang and wallop but didn't really trouble us. Second half, we went to 4-4-2 and looked much better and nearly won it with an Ashton header that he should have put away. Other than that, pretty boring. Good result though and hopefully we can put them away when we meet at Upton Park. We had 8,000 fans up there in a crowd of only 17,000 odd; great atmosphere.They have got pretty crap support. Also, the son of one of guys I went with was the West Ham mascot so that was pretty cool. Hot off the press: we drew Man City or Villa away in the next round; final now going to be at Cardiff. Take care buddy boy.

Alright u old goat,just been looking at your photos its sickening being here and your still out there,oh well made my decision and have to stick with it. Looks like your still having a 'WIZARD' time mate.
Lost 2-0 on sunday(19th) to ECC in the semi-final, no suprise there then, although we did battle for 110mins and were unlucky. Take care you old goat and i'll speak to you soon.