We were going on a boat trip today and were both very excited, it was a four island tour that started in Ao Nang and went to Hue, Poda, Chicken Island then to Railay. I went to get breakfast from Seven Eleven, I am Seven Eleven's biggest fan but the one on the high street in Ao Nang is crap and actually makes me quite cross, the staff don't acknowledge you are there and they have no stock and generally they should all be sent to prison. Hate it (this is not a reflection on all the other Seven Elevens through Japan and Thailand). I ordered two hot dogs (they had nothing else) and went to pay, she said 'no problem just wait one minute' I then had to wait whilst she cleared the shop of everyone else before she made them (making them takes about two seconds). Eventually five minutes before the bus was due to pick us up I got the food... not two hot dogs mind, two sausages yes, but they were cut up in to little discs and put in a bag. I gritted my nashers and said 'thanks' and then literally ran back to the room. We had time to eat and the bus arrived at about 09:05. It drove us the two minutes walk up the road to the sea, we got given a green sticker and waited with the masses. We got called 'gween stickers this way please' we walked to the sea front and got shown to our vessel, and a fine vessel she was too. It was called a longtail boat, which was a long (would you believe it) wooden boat. To board this vessel it involved wading into the sea up to mid thigh and climbing a little ladder. This was good fun and unfortunately nobody fell in. We set sail and the engine screamed as it pushed us along at a fair rate of nots, the engine was on the back of the boat and the drive shaft was about twenty foot long and pivoted so there was no rudder and the propeller could be lowered in and out of the water depending how deep the water was. The first island we went to was Hue Island and was tiny but a national park, there were many other boats lined up on a gorgeous white sand bank that was built up and out of the water that was about ten feet wide and had the clearest sea you could ever imagine on either side. We got off the boat and on the shore we laid our towels out and went for a snorkel, we bounded into the sea and was eyes down for a full house. We went across to a big (I mean huge) rock sticking up in the sky (granite I thunk it was) as we went over there we saw more and more fish, this instantly turned Sarah in to a ten year old and every time she saw a fish I heard 'aahhhiiimm fiiimmm' (the noise that comes out the top of a snorkel when your face is under the water) there wasn't really a need to do this every time she saw a fish but it was quite cute. We saw loads of different fish ranging from little see-through ones to massive rainbow coloured ones. When we got out the ten foot sand bank had turned into a six foot sand bank and our towels were soaked, no matter. We moved them up a bit, took some snaps and went back to the boat at 11:20, we climbed onto the roof to soak up a few rays the floor was burning hot up there. We didn't move though, they then passed lunch around which was masterful, it was rice served in a little bowl shaped dome, a bag of stuff (which was like a curried chicken with onions in a sauce) and two chicken legs, followed by water melon, we both really enjoyed it. We still didn't move. After about 30 more minutes I stood up and saw two blokes dicking around with the engine... it was broken. We were in the middle of the bloody ocean on a broken boat. Then a French bloke started a revolution (they love them don't they) and jumped from the top deck of the boat, 'I've been wanting to do that for ages' I said, I then spent five minutes persuading Sarah to go first so I could take a photo of her jumping (and to make sure it was safe...just kidding). She tentatively stood on the edge, 'I am scared' she wailed. Then with the grace of Allah in her heart she jumped (what a martyr). I looked down at her and said 'I am not jumping really' (I was joking), she looked cross. I decided the best tactic was to run from the centre of the boat and jump as high as I could, it was a dream, I hit the sand at the bottom a little but no broken bones. We then climbed back up and Sarah took a picture of me jumping and she followed again. We then stood on the sand taking pictures all around us. Eventually after three long days a rescue boat came (not really it was an hour and a half), it fixed our engine and we were on our way. The second stop was a snorkelling opportunity (on chicken island, named because there is a massive rock that's shaped like a chickens head), a Italian chap threw some bread in off the side of the boat, within about two seconds of it hitting the water a mass of green fish (about the size of Nemo, from finding Nemo) gunned it for the bread and the sea was alive with fish fizzing at the surface. We then as we were working our way off the roof saw a great big jelly fish swimming close to the boat, we still went in but were slightly perturbed that they were there. As soon as our heads went under the water it was wall to wall with fish they was probably a little green fish every three square inches in every direction, one even swam into my googles the clumsy s***e. The island after that was Poda island, we got off the boat and had a walk around, it was very pretty and white sand but there was loads of people there, we only had about 30 minutes there though so didn't have long to sit around, I went in the sea again. On the way back to where the boat docked there were loads of wild monkeys with people feeding them, an unsuspecting bloke was busy eating an ice cream and one of the wee ones ran from out of a tree and up his leg and up his chest nicked his ice cream and back up the tree, I pissed it at him, he did see the funny side but I think he was a bit shocked. We departed and headed back to Railay and there was again a nice but busy beach. I found a cave which was out in the sea a little bit but was full of little nucks and cranny's. We then headed back to Ao Nang and because we were two hours late (due to the break down) the tide had come in and we literally docked 60 yards from the shore, 'are they taking the piss?' Sarah said, we got off though and to be fair it only came up to our knees. Safely on the shore we walked back to the room the smiley lady was there with our washing we had dropped off the day before, we had a much needed shower and then headed out for drinky WiFi moments, I spotted a bar that had WiFi the day before with an awesome view, we got in there however and it was full of old English blokes trying to tap up the local little Thai sorts that were in there and they were lapping up every bit of information the sad fat old t*** were giving them, I said to Sarah it must be like a footballers wife in England, but these chaps didn't play for Arsenal - they worked in a factory in Solihull or something similar, I can just imagine one of the Thai sorts getting back to their one bed flat in England and leaving them to do their washing while they go off to do their postal round, that's the bubble burst. One of the blokes seemed to develop learning difficulties when he spoke to Thai women and instead of, for example, saying, I can't drive for five days due to medication, he would say, me no drive five days tablets. No wonder they were struggling to understand, doubt they expected a fat riddler from batman to be there. It was noisy and we could hardly hear on skype. We drank up and left, bad call by me going in there. We headed for Sarah's free cocktail - we got in there asked if we could use the voucher they said yes and we ordered, they then explained that it was only valid when you buy food as well, rip off we said and left (not quite in such a harsh way). We then found ourselves in a restaurant and ordering food and beer. After that a slow walk back after booking the boat to the next island - Koh Phi Phi. A milkshake and a bottle of water in hand bed beckoned and we slept without being disturbed by the Germans next door. I woke however at 03:30 and the room smelt terrible like sewage or canch as my Granddad would say, I checked that Sarah hadn't messed herself (joking I am) I headed in to the toilet an flushed it... when I say flushed it I mean filled up the bucket under the tap and tipped it down the bog, no such thing as a flush here. Seemed to cure it, and I nodded back off.