Some observations on living under canvas Part 1 A - Ablutions Not something you receive on your deathbed, ablution blocks house the toilets, showers and baths that are the key to feeling comfortable when camping. The South African ablutions have been excellent, clean, well lit with plenty of hot water. There are the universal conundrums however, like why do some people put more water on the floor than their bodies and why do others collect bath plugs? B - Braai The rest of the world talks of barbecues or barbies, the South Africans have their braai. The pronunciation is important here, braai rhymes with dry; do not tell an Afrikaner that he has a lovely bra. Having a braai seems to involve grilling the contents of the average butcher's shop whilst 11 adults and 15 children spread themselves over an area the size of the average British national park. The must have meat on a braai is Boerewors or farmer's sausage, curled in to a round that is longer than the average anaconda. C - Curfew The unwritten rule of camping is that by 9pm everyone is in bed and quiet. This rule was broken big time in Kruger by a group of US students who carried on talking, drinking and messing around until 2am one morning. At 6am an Afrikaner who took exception to being kept awake all night, got in his Toyota 4x4 and drove all over and between the tents of the errant Americans, revving his vehicle and wheel spinning all over their gear. D - Dawn Chorus I'm not referring here to the tweetie, fluttery things with feathers that start singing at 5.30am. I mean that far nastier phenomena, children. Why do they have to scream and whine outside our tent at 5am, we were not on any direct route to the ablution block? E - Entertainment People watching in camp beats television, just as well as there is no television (thankfully). F - First Aid Kit Our First Aid kit is the size of a large suitcase and we are confident that with the addition of a stretcher we could equip an army field hospital. G - Genet The highlight of Skukusa Camp in Kruger was the visit of a small spotted genet; it got within 10 feet of our campfire one night. H - Hadida Ibis The early morning alarm clock of the campsite, these birds are like flying children, they make an incredible amount of noise in the most antisocial times of the day and night! I - Illnesses I feel sorry for the tick that bit Angela on the stomach, it must have got alcohol poisoning. It left Angela with an itchy bite that turned black. An 80 kilometre round trip to a doctor and a course of antibiotics sorted Angela out, but I fear for the tick. My back has behaved apart from a momentary seizure whilst reaching for a gin & tonic. J - Jacana A beautiful lakeside bird similar to a moorhen. Mentioned because the male sits on the nest and raises the chicks whilst the female finds another mate. Typical! K - Katapult You try coming up with a K. We've purchased a catapult back in Howick and will be prepared for the Vervets and Baboons next time! L - Ladder The 5 ft ladder up to our sleeping area is a bit of a test when the alcohol has flowed (i.e. every night). Neither of us has fallen out of bed yet despite my best attempts to shove Angela out. M - Milky Way Sadly not the chocolate bar but the pea soup of stars easily visible in the Southern Hemisphere. Stunning thanks to the lack of light pollution. N - Neighbours Continuing the Dawn Chorus theme, I sometimes think we have a sign above our tent saying children welcome here. This is the only explanation for the fact that in the 17 days at Kruger we invariably had children on either side and behind us. Not even the famous Spilsbury ice melting stare could deter the little darlings from making noise. O - Overlanders The arrival of a truck or coach containing 18 or more twenty somethings beyond parental control terrifies most campers and we all start praying they will park the other end of the campsite. As you might expect with our luck with children, we got the Overlanders next to us. Incredibly, the group of Dutch students that poured out were well behaved and very quiet.