whinge whinge whine whine!! ze etoo was offside by 2mm, how did ze linesman not spot it! im a cock! boo hoo hoo.

I prefer to offer ze children ze sweets mr dutch man. Kunt is not what i like.

Mr Wenger you are what the dutch would describe as a kunt!

As you can see from the previous message my decorating is going really well. Another woman phoned me the other day after I had put some wallpaper up for her. She said "Chris your wallpaper's a-peeling" "Thanks very much" I said and put the phone down.

Hi guys, just a quick update on what i've been doing with my life ... been doing a spot of painting and decorating, the other day I plastered a wall. Yesterday she phoned me up she sounded a bit upset, she said: "Chris, your plaster's cracking."
"Thanks very much" I said and put down the phone.

I like football, I like New Zealand, I like skydiving, I like San Francisco, I like Boston, I like Hawaii, I like Fiji, I like my campervan, I like Fatty Allstars, I like Australia, I like it when deborah wees on her feet.... but most of all I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOVE!

good jokes pete and chris - we're in sydney now its excellent - watched the fa cup final till 3am last night but was worth it - chris what did i tell you bout having a NEVER SAY NO attitude! Gerrard never says no duz he! (btw tidy i felt the hammers did themselves proud - hard luck) pete well done bout fattys - i hope i can win my place back when i return - i fear my fitness might have gone though! big time - nevermind. speak to you soon - bye xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A man walks into a pub with a lump of tarmac under his arm and orders two pints.
"Who's the other one for asks the barman?"
"One for me, one for the road."

hello maaates. paul fatty allstars are still top we won last week 14-2 and the week before we drew 6-6. I found my shootin boots last week wiv a hat trick but still not as prolific as id like, we got the dirty team next week! u'll be ready for selection soon!! NZ sounds excellent, the tsunami never hit, sue was relieved. graemes in australia now u'll probly bump into him. and laura donnelly my job is not redundant, far from it... for everyone that doesnt know laura works behind the counter serving juice at lovejuice xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi everyone - we leave NZ tomorrow - so we've put a journal entry on - check it out if your interested/bored! - hope your all good xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello my loves, we haven't had an update from you for a while now? Where are you????? What are you doing????? Is Deborah still weeing on her feet????? All questions that need desperate answering. This is just a quick message as I am at work and bored. My job is now almost as redundant as Pete's..... Anyways update us soon on your adventures. Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

have you seen svens squad?? wot a dick!! brasil defos gonna win now.