Walking is like a wildlife tour. Every restaurant has their "fresh" menu outside. Massive fish tanks full of weird and wonderful fish, that look like they want to eat you, so you don't feel so bad for getting in there first. The little lobsters have a look about them which looks like they are going for your throat as soon as you are not looking, and the crabs have seen better days. If you take a step inside, you can pick a turtle for an appetiser. Not sure how you can decide which turtle deserves to die. How can you say, "oh, you look suicidal" or "you look like you have led a good life, you deserve to die now". There is a lovely man that chases me down the street with a crate of lobster and crab every day, not really sure what he wants from me.

Here, a green man doesn't mean walk, they mean, "walk if you dare". You have to dodge the oncoming taxis, buses, trucks and bicycles turning. It's like a game of chicken, see who backs out first. They shout a lot of things out the windows to the people crossing the street, I am sure they are saying "please cross the road at your own pace, take your time" but cannot be sure due to the language barrier.

Speaking of the language barrier, I cannot even begin to explain how bad it is. I thought, how bad can this be? I have been to plenty of foreign country's before, it has never been an issue. Here, it is impossible to break it down, it's like playing Pictionary and Charades when you're not in the mood - Like at Christmas, when you're full of turkey and someone suggests it as opposed to Harry Potter for the fifteenth time.

So far I have quacked like a duck for Peking Duck, drawn a toilet and toilet roll, trying to find a toilet (not a squat pot. The Chinese have some sort of super Achilles tendon, so that when they squat, their feet are flat to the floor.) and tried to mime lights, but they guy thought I wanted a dragon. Not sure where I would keep a dragon.

I asked a man for directions, he gave them me, in Chinese. There were no hand actions to indicate which direction I needed to go. So off I went, I asked another man for directions he just ignored me, I was left chasing him down the street shouting "please help me, my map speaks Chinese".

I am staying in a lovely little hostel, full of lovely people. Except one. A little weasel from New Jersey, his opinion is the only opinion valid. When bored I go out of my way to wind him up, my aim is to make him cry. Or just get him drubk.

In moved in a group of Dutch boys, with their perfect hair, and matching outfits. I made the mistake of disturbing their beauty sleep, the next night I woke to a lobster crawling in bed. They named him Mr Felix. When I woke the next day Mr Felix was breakfast for the neighbour's dog.

We gave up on names a long time ago, I am known as England here. And the travelling people, are people that like to "debate", I just sit their quietly, with my beer, but I notice that every time they mention England within their debates, they point at me. Like I am to blame for every problem that England has ever caused the world. Sorry, my bad, I will try harder.

I do try to fight our corner, although politics and Syrian oil is not one of my strong points, I do still try. I find myself sat with so many people from around the world, it is a little like the Olympics. When we are done "debating" we start to drink. (At 40p a beer, I don't see why they don't just stop selling water.) And then the guitar comes out. I cannot play the guitar, but I give it a good go, before resorting to turning it into a drum.

I have got myself some new roomies, the first was a gecko, really cute guy, made no mess and was a pleasure to live with him. Next came along the mouse. He took up lodging in my Ugg boot. The smell of them could kill the young or elderly, but this guy had no fear. I think he deserves to stay. When I found him I wasn't best pleased, screamed really loud and 5 Chinese men come running to my aid. I explained the problem and they told me that a mouse in my room was good luck. Fabulous. The next day I found him asleep in my suitcase, screamed again, and swore a lot, and he ran away next door. Obviously he didn't like it there because he is back. I have spent the night cocooned in my duvet so he can't get in. I have taken to throwing shoes at him when I see him, I think he likes to live dangerously.