Goodmorning! I am half a drink away from quoting taio cruz ( and thats when you know its bad): i have a hangover.. and an evil one for that matter, I just hope I recover quickly cos passing out while trekking around the temples and trying to take pictures of the various Buddha icons is, how too put it... not ladylike and certainly not divine.. ugh!

Was all worth it though, debauchery seems to be the hardwired in Thai's genes. Seems like noone can throw a trashy party as well as them, in fact we were truly surprised to enter the club for free and upon that receive coupons for six free drinks just cos we showed up on ladies night and happened to be of the female gender(on second thought it was probably a marketing strategy to keep people interested in the horrendous music being played by one of the black eye peas who was guest djing that night).. Isn't that crazy? Correct me if I'm wrong but most chicks I know cannot handle half a beer, let alone SIX hard liquor drinks, no wonder the club ended up looking a lot like the jersey shore by 2am!

I should probably also mention that gender here is a generally blurry concept, as the earning potential for lady boys is very high in the entertainment industry I've been told that it is very common for families with low income to push a little boy to become a ladyboy by injecting him with hormones and training him froma ripe age if he displays feminine charachteristics, as by becoming a successful performer they will be able to support their family in the future. It is a very sad practice beause all the hormone shots and treatments considerably reduce the boy's life span and it feels bittersweet that his future, however successful should be determined by someone else..

Nevertheless I think we should definitely introduce the concept of ladies night back home, I'd like to imagine what would happen in the uptightest of clubs if every girl entering got 6 free drinks, could be an interesting topic of conversation and an endless source of entertainment.

My friend Iri, who visited for the day from Phuket insists that it is the ultimateland of temptation. A place in which women quite literally throw themselves at men, hedonism is the most followed religion and most activities are sex related. We will see about that, I'll be there soon enough. She also says on the other hand they are quite religious, as they have a huge statue of Buddha overlooking Patong ( the party area in Phuket) from the top of a hill. Based on the stories I'm hearing I assume the look on that specific Buddha's face is judgemental with a twist o shock and a zest o disappointment with humanity.

Speaking of Thai religion... They strongly believe in Karma and reincarnation and forgive me for saying, but I hope whoever invented PING PONG SHOWS got bitten in the ass by Karma for putting a damper on a night which was going perfectly well so far.

We started off the night having dinner at Vertigo and Moon, the rooftop restaurant of the banyan tree hotel which rests on the sixtieth floor ( I suffer from intense vertigo so FML indeed) and the experience was wonderful if a bit expensive for local standards (I am to take the full blame for that as being utterly incapable of keeping it simple I ordered frog legs and a lobster bisque while Iri ordered a caprese salad and rice).

We then moved on to drinks at Sirocco Skybar on the 63rd floor of Lebua hotel:STUNNING! Apparently it is the location in which some scenes of the Hangover 2 were shot (seems so fitting today).

We then got carried away by the atmosphere and decided to go and see the infamous Thai attraction: the ping pong show. How on earth we made the connection 'beautiful scenery-->ping pong shooting hoohah is beyond me, my brain is clearly a douchebag and wired incorrectly.

Anyhow, the show is set in a somewhat grotesque basement and as we walked in all could think of was 'oh my God I wish I had a weapon in my bag, this looks dodgy'.

We were welcomed by the sight of an elderly woman pulling a chain out of her ladybits and wrapping it around a tourist guy's neck. She also insisted someone else kiss that same chain. The horror! We decided there and then to never ever date a guy who has ever been to a ping pong show in Bkk.

Another woman smoked a cigar with her ladyparts, another one F***ing opened a coke bottle with it-and i'm not talking about the plastic screw on cap one, I mean the old school glass bottle with the pop-off metal cap, the same metal cap which slices my knuckles open whenever I try opening it ( and I do it with a bottle opener)! I knew some women's bits had superpowers but that was too much to handle. How did this tradition even start? Is using your bits as a storage unit now considered a desirable talent? If so, consider me outdated and feel free to have me euthanized cos that aint happenin'. Ever. Who on earth thought this up is seriously damaged in the head.

As the show went on I saw my friend Iri turn various shades of green due to nausea and disgust so we sauvantly left to the aforesaid trasy nightclub.

Yesterday we also got crazy mani-pedi's to get into the party mood, Iri got an angry birds manicure and I got a svarovsky crystal blue and pink manicure and the ladies at the parlour could not stop laughing at us like we were the craziest chicks in town- they obviously have not heard of the ping pong show yet.

Btw the alarm clock rang way too early this morning and along with it was a reminder I had set for myself.. It read 'can I shake the beef?'. That sounds nasty, funny, vulgar and confusing all in one. When I remember what that was about I'll let you know, but at this point I'm not so sure I want to remember.

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