Hi everyone,

Well, as this campervan trip is/was so long, i decided to split it into 2 blogs, you may have already read the first up to Taupo but this is to the end....

Well ended up in a small town called napier... had free internet in the middle of the street... so like true homeless people, we sat in our vans connecting to someone else's internet... did the job... one highlight was katie falling arse over tit in the middle of the road... brilliant.

Drove down to wellington... the place where nothing is free... parking was s***e... but ended up in a huge free museum... i felt like we needed a bike to go around the whole lot, anyways... rushed out as refused to pay for the parking! Spent the next day looking around a pound shop, where we all tried on the cheap fancy dress, jade and katie tried the makeup and came out plastered! We ended up losing our van for what felt like hours and we were soon on the ferry over to the South Island.

Slept in some dodgy area and walked up a mountain the next day... the calf muscles are beginning to look like tree trunks now... ended up having lunch in a fantastic place... a car park... got our chairs out and cooked in between our parking lines... a glimpse of sunshine and the shorts were out... 25 mins later
the 4 layers had been put back on. Decided on where to go next and ended up sleeping in some pitch black beach ready to kayaking- what were we thinking?!

Woke up... thought kayaking would be a doddle with 2 of us in one kayak... oh no... nearly s*** myself i was straining that hard at the end of it... sandflies were out in force and we nearly got eaten by seals... but it was quality.... kayaked all day, around some islands, where we saw seals swimming around our kayak and playing with each other... had lunch on a perfect secluded beach where the weather was lovely... and had a running race where i'm still feeling the effects 5 weeks on! Slippers anyone? Occasionaly the 3 of us were creasing up at the site of Nick being attacked by the only wasp in the whole of the south island... he nearly capsized his and katie's kayaked when one flew into his kayak skirt... and then found him again on the beach.... Ended up coming back smelling of bait... so it was off to a farm for a 30p shower... dodgy.

Drove the next day for what felt like a month... walked over a swingbridge... jade had found it in her magic book... then ended up in Hanmer Springs where crazy golf and a pub dinner was on the menu... I scraped through victorious on the golf (Always knew that time down shellness crazy golf would pay off one day)... and then it was off for another month of driving to Kaikoura....

Woke up out of the ice cold van... where the windows had ice inside them and the door was frozen shut... and ploughed on down to the i-site... ended up booking to swim with the dolphins... and before we knew it we were wet-suitted up from head to toe and dangling precariously off the end of a boat... it was
quality... there was about 400 dolphins... we heard the siren, jumped in and they were jumping all around us, swimming underneath and pretty much scaring the s*** outta of me as they came from nowhere... Jade managed to get sea-sick, therefore i was chief photographer.... got back on dry land and got a free shower, which was as rare as rocking horse s***, so we were happy.

Spent the next couple of days exploring the sites of New Brighton/Christchurch/Geraldine/Akaroa/Governor's Bay... New Brighton
was a huge sandy beach with an enormous pier, reminded me of Dover/Deal, without the run down charity shops and the bait and tackle shops as far as the eye can see... Christchurch reminded me a little of Canterbury.... and Akaroa was a nice little fishing village where they did fantastic fish and chips! Apart from that it was a long drive down to Lake Tekapo.

Lake Tekapo was quality... beautiful place... ended up ice skating on a natural ice lake and then went to thermal pools which were all outside... would've put the photos on facebook but my camera is that good that when it gets hot and steamy... all of a sudden it takes photos like we've just stepped out of an
abyss.Was good to get another free shower at the end of it though. Drove onto a place called Mount Cook and camped for the evening. Did a 3 hour walk the next day, up and down, over a few bridges and finally to the mountain...
was a good view and got a few pictures... then it was off to Wanaka and puzzleland.... don't ask.... we saw something free in Jade's magic book, we walked into this odd looking building and were suddenly playing with kids puzzles, i manage to complete one.... that was it... then it was off to Wanaka where laundry and a bar with a huge fire was on the cards... slept in a carpark on the beach... where we thought it would be perfect.... however....

Got woken up by a strange man in an orange vest saying that we couldn't camp where we were parked, well, at that time of the morning, I was freezing and couldn't be arsed to argue... it was 5:30am, so didnt see the point why he didnt let us stay there, but as we came back to the same spot later on in the morning, Nick had not seen the 30ft sign saying 'no camping'- happy days. Anyways, left Wanaka refusing to get petrol as the price was more expensive than at home and headed down to Queenstown. Drove through some mountains, full of snow, stopped at the top, had a snowball fight, got back in the motor and pretty much skidded our way down a steep winding mountain... snow chain anyone? Arrived in Queenstown, booked Jet boating... decided we'd do some more lugeing whilst we were here and walked around the street trying to find something to occupy our time. Came across a good ol' fish and chip shop, rude not too, then decided to be pretentious/snobby/stuck up and go wine tasting... don't ask, armed with our wine card which was extorniate, and some ciabatta, we were tasting vinegar... i love wine. Pretty much rained the whole day, so frisbee golf was off for us and bowling was on the cards.

Decided to get out of a freezing vans and go to a bar which was called -5, which was literally the same as its namesake, -5 degrees, had to wear a big coat, gloves, the lot... got a free cocktail on the entrance fee, was cold.... see the pictures, eventually got out, had a huge burger in a place called fergburger, was lovely! The burgers were bigger than my head, yep that big... then finished the night off with a fantastic ice cream. Nice.

Well, we woke up, didn't get woken up by a strange man with an orange vest on (which was nice), got dressed and headed down to the wharf to get jet boating! It felt like -5 in the air, so was wondering whether the 6 layers I had on would keep me warm enough... anyways... got onto the boat, held on tight and off we went. Was quality, did 360 spins, missed rocks and trees by inches and came back not being able to feel my hands, toes, cheeks, arms, legs... pretty much everything. Was worth it though, ended up warming up in a cafe where they had free internet- shock! Then back to the van to relax before the night out... had a good night out, had a few beers, a massive KFC in the middle of it... and then back to the van where it didnt feel too cold as the alcohol had done its job.

Next day we got woken up by an idiot called dave who threatened to fine us if we didnt move on. we did. went to luge and gondola. had a couple of rides, but then it broke down for an hour, so back to the van for some lunch! Back up the gondola for the remaining rides and then it was down to Morrison's for a good
old pub quiz! We came last! ha. We won a bottle of lemon squash... happy days. That was about it. Where to sleep tonight without getting woken up? Ended up sleeping in the smallest town in the world, called Arrowtown, was a bit like Leysdown... old fashioned houses which resembled the arcade machines you find
down that wondorous place... Anyways, spent the day looking at some dodgy chinese settlement... nick smacked his head on a shelf which he didnt see... was absolutely hilarious!

After nick had woken up and picked himself off the floor, it was time to head back to Wanaka... Jade had found a cinema in her magic book... the cinema was quality, mix match sofas and a couple of cars turned into sofas... we grabbed extra pillows... enough popcorn to feed a small ethiopian family and enough coke to be urinating it for the following 3 days. Watched the 'bucket list' was a great film, all about cancer... noose anyone? Then it was off to bed for another night of being woken up at 5:30am by the same geezer who woke us up last time that we were here, i managed to string a sentence together, but still, out i got in the freezing cold to move us to a fantastic scenic site for the remainder of the morning- an industrial estate... was like being in Sheerness for the morning, without the drug addicts, the burnt out cars and the smell of underage sex in the air.

Spent the next morning climbing what felt like the biggest mountain in the whole of New Zealand- Mount Iron it was called, worth it for the views, but now have thighs wider than tree trunks... ended up driving to a place called Lake Hawea, where it was lunch on the edge of a lake... got some quality photos (should be on facebook), managed to setup a tripod for the camera made out of 1 glass, 2 saucepans and a cooler bin... yeah that's right, we didnt have any other friends to help us take the photo. Ended up driving through the mountains, rainforests, beach and ended up in a place called Knight's point....well, i'll never forget this place... found a beautiful place, great sunset, only i really needed to go to the toilet, found myself a wonderful portaloo which smelt like Rushenden on a hot day- pure s***e... well, managed to survive the experience but when it came to washing my hands... well... what can i say.... i saw a camera, which looked a bit wet, thought it was Katie and Nick's camera, so being the good friend, picked up the camera and tried turning it on, you know... looking to see if it was their's, even shouted across the carpark to see if it was their's, they gave me a puzzled look, which i took as it wasn't theirs... anyways, put the camera down.... and all of a sudden, a smell of s***e came from somewhere....... hmmm... where could that be coming from? I looked down.... could see nothing on me, checked my shoes... you know... the usual places... nothing.... went to itch my nose, as a sandfly had just tried eating me, and all of a sudden... it was like I had jumped head first into a sewer... only turns out that camera had been dropped into the sewage part of the portaloo, the attendant had fished it out and left it there to dry... i guess.... or was just waiting for a prat of an englishman to think, i'll have that... could smell the s*** for weeks!

Drove down to the main glaciers in New Zealand, first stop was the fox glacier.... paid to be guided around on a 4 hour walk, put on some beautiful footwear, looked like bootfair job steel toe capped boots.... and they supplied us with these thic, grey thermal socks.... i was bringing pikey to New Zealand... had them tucked over my grey jogging bottoms... and we were away.... was good climbing
through the rainforest, and then onto the glacier itself, no-one fell over which was a surprise, got loads of photos, came back freeezing cold.... and living in a campervan with no heater didnt warm us up either, so it was into the smelly sleeping bags and the 40 year old rug that they supplied us with. Spent the next day climbing the other main glacier- the Franz Josep... was a lot like
the Fox, although we didnt pay a grand for some s***e boots, ended up walking to the glacier front, witnessing 3 slovakians nearly die as the glacier front collapsed yards behind them... was a good site though... they s*** themselves! Ended up doing about 6 hours of walking, up and down steep hills, was good though.

Drove to a place called Hokitika.... this is the place where we people watched for hours and placed bets on who would tuck into the buffet first... was funny watching the fat gits eye it up.... i voided all bets by helping myself on the way to the bar... soon discovered it was for a private function.... ooops.... in the end we were offered to join.... and made the most of the free food! The next day consisted of acting like 5 year olds at a swimming pool and playing on every inflatable available in the pool.... was quality.... and managed to get a free shower! Result.

After all that we drove to the s***hole which is Greymouth.... looked worst than Chatham.... drove in and drove out.... oh exchanged our toasters for money and treated ourselves to a KFC but that was about it! Drove down towards Arther's pass where we spent the day in bed and then did a walk up the devil's punchbowl falls.... 130m waterfall... well worth the walk!

Drove for a couple of hours to the final place on our trip... back to Christchurch... spent a couple of days treating ourselves to a fry up, takeaways, the cinema, a few beers and another swim in a pool with sauna's and jacuzzi's....

Then... cleaned the van up and took it back to the depot... had a geezer who had clearly been bullied at school... was the most miserable son of a b****! Got our deposit back though..... even though he did piss us all off!

Arrived back in Auckland after a short flight... relaxing round Jay and Lisa's house until we fly to Oz on the 7th June...

Overall though... New Zealand has been quality, loved every minute of it, the campervan was testing at times but to look back on it already i feel that is was well worth it! Made more funny stories than just sitting in a room...anyways....

Keep in contact everyone,

Take care,

Much love,

Marcus x