Hi guys

Sorry but a group email again, it makes the story telling quicker and oh what a story. I have just got back from Buffalo Safari camp. We set of with 17 guys in 2 pickup trucks. TIA (T.I.A. this is Africa, you will hear me say a lot) there was also a mountain of equipment in the trucks so they stand on top and on the roof. To add to this was a mother, her 1 year old strapped to her back (well breast for most of the journey) and her 7 year old. I said to the owner i felt worried about the mother and daughters on the back (i was in the front with the cool box full of drinks, camera and Mark the owner) and suggested i gave the young one my puffa jacket to sit on for the journey. The reply was a giggle and sarcastic look at me. I was told that most local travelled this way....if they were lucky and that guaranteed she would pee on it as most don’t even get out if they have a break in the journey, ours was 6 hours of 4x4 only terrain, needless to say the puffa stayed safe and dry.

Anyway we were a day late already as the mechanic did not think it wise to check if we had diesel in the tank or that the brakes worked before we left. TIA. So after a long sweaty journey we get to the national park entrance. The park sits in a natural rift that is 139 km across, 1000m deep and runs from Israel to Zambia, the park itself is 40,000 square km’s. You have to see it to believe it,,,,,beautiful.. It takes 3 hours to do 90kms as the terrain was so bad after the rains.

My first safari wildlife sighting was a black mongoose....nice but a bit disappointing. Once we got in the escarpment it really got rocking. Wildebeest, buffalo, bird’s galore and Impala everywhere. When we got to the camp, which was on the ridge of a double s bend on the river. it was over grown with what they call ‘adrenaline grass’ so called as it is 2 metres high and very thick so when you walk through it in the bush you adrenaline is through the roof as you have no idea what you are going to be face to face with (i decided to called it s*** your pants grass....that only took me 2 minutes of walking through it). We unloaded and i followed mark around seeing the remnants of the old buildings which are all built from local material and grass. I walked over a rickety bridge to a massive tree called the Leopard tree. I asked Mark why and pointed up. There was the most amazing tree house 20 feet up where Mark sleeps during the season. I said why it is called the leopard tree, he said because its the safest place to be to stay away from the leopards as they had a run in with them some time ago. I said, well what about the guests and he just gives me a cheeky wry grin.......he is truly a sadistic b******.

So we all get to work cutting back this thick overgrowth and i make a long drive back to the airstrip managed by the Frankfurt Zoological society who fund the managment of the park and also store the equipment from the last season. On my way driving through the river bed my guide points out the most incredible elephant 50 feet in front of us. I say ‘is it safe to go nearer’ and he says yes. Well i end up no more than 15 meters away with my camera clicking at a frenetic rate and this elephant is not a happy bunny, it is posturing, ears out wide flapping and the trumpet noise was ear piercing. I am so ecstatic i don’t realise we are in trouble, the guide is trying to get us moving as the elephant is gesturing its going to charge and George the mechanic is s***ting himself in the back ( i later find out that last time this happened he jumped out of the car and ran away). Well i have been adamantly advised that when in a confrontation with any of the big five safari animals never ever back down, move forward as if it thinks you are afraid you will get charged or eaten, well forward i went and backwards the elephant went. Who needs to jump of bridges for a buzz. It turns out that the elephant is very well known and was called STUMPY due to its stumpy tale and has a right temper on him. Mark had to fire a shot one time aimed directly at the top of its temple which is impenetrable and bounces off to stop his charge. I inch lower and its called the dead spot as the elephant even at full charge will hit the deck dead instantly. Anyway i come back with a great story and mark just laughs and says i was always safe, he is just full of hot air most time but i did the right thing .

After seeing more wildebeest and buffalo on the journey back as well as the most beautiful pelican i was exhausted and desperate for a number 2 but can’t stand ducking into tree’s (i know you know that i am the most unlikely person to go camping). I was not to worry as when i got back the guys had constructed a perfect western toilet and shower under the tree house made from mud and grass. Believe me it was the best time on a toilet i ever had. As i came out one of the staff brought me a beer out of the freezer and i sat down in front of the camp fire as the sun went down and had the best beer of my life.

Although i am staff i am looked after as the ‘Buena’ or boss so i lord it up each evening as i get pampered (it took me a week to get used to it but now its the only way). Mark had arranged a traditional Zambian meal of choice cut beef mixed with spices and tomato served with fried cabbage from the garden and Mili Meal (just like polenta). Noah cooked it up from fresh in front of us on the Bri whilst the sun set. It was spectacular. Now when the sun set that’s when it got even better, There is obviously 0 light pollution and the stars were so clear i could see all of the Milky Way and i got a brief lesson on how to navigate by the stars. As the night came in the animals came alive. We could hear the hyena calling, lions in the distance, hippos just beneath us and the crickets making a defining noise. We used Marks 10,000,000 x candle light spot light to catch all the crocks in the river. Unfortunately they all move downstream to Luanga in the day so i did not get to see them....yet.

As you do Mark and i talked life, love and loss and he astutely commented on my career and maybe i should not be a restaurateur as i am always changing job and can’t settle but noted that i was a very good trainer and that i should look at using those skills and setting up a training consultancy in Zambia and to possibly use the lodge as a base for people to come in and get Western standard drinks, service and etiquette training. There is no one in this country with my background so i am going to look into it.

I had to put ear plugs in that night as it was impossible to sleep, plus mark was happy to give me late night stories of the hyena, elephants, hippos and lions that all come into the camp at night. It was not the best nights sleep i ever had, especially as the Lariam malaria drug had kicked in and gives you hallucinogenic full on dreams, brilliant unless you have lions on your mind.

5am rise the next day and on with the job. I made more trips to pick up the rest of the stuff for the Camp and when i got back the guys had cut by hand with blunt sickles 2 acres of adrenaline grass. We all pushed on until 5 then round 2 for the ice cold beers, red wine and whisky to finish. I cant put down Mark and Mells life style, it may be why they don’t make any money, i suppose its my job to put a dampener on these things but i will enjoy it whilst i can.

You truly loose time here. I don’t know what day or time it is most days. Last night we were so exhausted but it was only 6pm. You cant work after dark here as dark means BLACK.

After along day and long drive home a sank into bed after the most amazing few days. I have always said you should try everything once. Dionne told me that she wanted to do at least one new thing every day of her life. Well i think she is right, all the crap that gets you down is overwhelmed by the new stuff you have done. And Mum you will be proud of me, no movies, TV and a little music....just enjoying the silence.

Anyway guys i am off for a swim in the hot springs then its a full on Indian tonight with the guest. I love you all dearly so please stay in touch and give me your stories.

Ciao biatches xxxxxxx