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Oh I say it every time. ‘Next time I won’t be so slack I promise’, ‘I won’t leave it so long next time’, but alas, once again it has been over a month since I last updated you all.
But this time, I do have a few valid excuses! In chronological order, my month has consisted of, amongst other things, the following events:
• Richa (my old flat mate) getting a new job and abandoning me
• A meeting with the district CEO (head of administration for this area) which resulted in his promise to build a road and a school in a village we have worked with
• The marriage of my (old) flat mates elder cousin sister
• A few days being spent in a village
• Having been offered two other jobs, both of which I turned down
• Then ending up taking one and moving to Gwalior, a city about 5-6 hours away from Nowgong
So in more detail, Richa got a government job so off she trotted and left me alone. I’m happy for her as it’s a great opportunity but I sure did miss her. Two new girls came but we didn’t hit it off too well so they decided to take another house – no problems since I don’t live in Nowgong anymore anyway.
Oh the CEO – that was pretty amazing. Basically I got into the office one day and was told of a meeting that was going on for the Total Sanitation Campaign (TSC) in the Chhatarpur district so decided to go along with a few colleagues. I didn’t really know what was going on but was happy when I was told that the man in the suit that everyone stood up for was the district CEO. He basically explained that he wants to bring the NGOs in the area together to create Nirmal Grams (villages that are clean, open-defecation free, hygienic, educated, etc) in his region. On hearing that the gaggle on one side of the room were from Nowgong, he declared that one of his focuses is in Nowgong and he was keen to work with us. The most important thing for me was that he asked our advise on how to get key hygiene and sanitation messages across to small children, since they’re at the most impressionable age and really important to target. People started giving him bull about making lesson plans and forming school groups – stuff we’ve all read before in the pretty annual reports that come out of SCF and other big players in our sector. So I stepped in with the fact that he firstly needs to build the capacity of the education department, since schools in villages are lucky if their teachers turn up, the kids don’t go, and the parents don’t know what they can do about it. It’s central government policy here to have parent-teacher-associations in villages who meet monthly to encourage children to go to school, oversee the school activities, make sure the teachers are doing their jobs etc, but they’re completely defunct if at all even formed. So when the CEO heard the status of the primary schools in the village he gave us all a number that can be called if there’s a problem and said he’d get onto sorting it out. At the end of the meeting, I practically ran after him to follow him to his room, where I invited him to visit our office and some of our villages, which he accepted. So a few days later, he graced us with his presence and the day started off with a meeting to which he’d called all the teachers in the Nowgong block. He’d made cards with the help-line number on them and gave instructions that the number was to be painted on every school, basically giving the teachers the message that he was interested in what’s going on so, if they’re not working properly, they need to get their arses into gear. Oof, that felt like an accomplishment in itself – I’d got the message across to the right person, who was able to pack in a punch or two! Later, he then visited one of the villages Haritika has worked in in the past to see the water supply and toilets that have been built there. Whilst there, he sat with the people available and asked what they wanted from him, to which they replied a school building, and a cement road connecting them to the main road to Nowgong and Chhatarpur. So he’s going to implement the NREGS scheme, which comes from central government, to give the funding to not only build these things, but to pay the villagers to do it, giving them an income and ownership! When he left, I turned round to the young teacher there and asked him how he felt. The look on his face made every second of stress, angst, upset, worry, homesickness, and crap that I’ve faced in the past 6 months utterly worth it. It was a look of astonishment, glee, disbelief, and shock all rolled into one and I think it’ll stay with me till the day I die!
The marriage was interesting because it was the first one that I’ve attended as a close relation rather than just the token foreigner. I reached Chirgaon, Richa’s home town, the day before the wedding took place so was greeted by the whole (very large) extended family. Things then kicked off in the evening of the next day where my new jijaji (sisters husband) and his family arrived and the ceremonial garnering of flowers and photographs took place. Later on (about 3 am) we ate and I ended up falling asleep at 5 am. Unfortunately I was too out of it to then wake up at 7 am for the most important part of the ceremony, the name of which escapes me right now, but where the new husband and wife walk around a mandir 7 times. So I was pretty annoyed at myself about that one but I was at least conscious to give Ruchi didi a tearful send-off along with the rest of the family.
So straight from the wedding, I went to Saiwara, Rahees’ village, where Haritika are also working, to do some work there. I stayed for 4 nights and 5 days in total and fell totally in love with the place. So much so, that I’m seriously considering following through on Rahees’ suggestion of saving up to buy a bit of land, the income from which will pay for a few flights a year for visiting etc. Ha ha, its probably just a pipe dream, but it’s a nice one anyway. I can’t describe how beautiful rural India is – at night time you can see every star. And its so quiet. The people there are just so nice and funny also, and for the first time, I truly believed it when I was told I’m a member of the family. Rahees is actually related to about half of the village residents so, since I am now his younger sister, I too am. Aside from the fact that he has 5 real brothers and 3 real sisters, that’s a pretty big family I got there.
Whilst there, one of Rahees’ friends, Pushpendra ji, was in a motorcycle accident so we went to the hospital to see him. Now this is a story on its own! We entered the room, at which point my knees almost went to see the size of the blood stain in the bandage wrapped around his head. The room was full of his male friends and relatives so I asked when his wife was coming. Rahees jumped in and said ‘No she won’t come’ but then his friend answered, ’She’s outside.’ So off I went to see how she was and found her, face covered, sitting on a stair banister on her own. We chatted for a little while and I went back in to see how Pushpendra ji was doing and was presented with his doctors report, written in English – for non-English speakers – which said that the CT scan had revealed no abnormalities. After sharing in the relief of the men in the room for a little while, I realised of course that no-one had told his wife the good news so I went off to find her and attempt to translate terms such as ‘cranial’, ‘abnormality’, ‘perenial’, well you get the picture. I ended up just saying ‘Sab kuch theek hai’ – everything is ok. Anyhoo, a little while later I asked Auntie whether or not she wanted to actually go and see her husband, to which she replied of course yes but explained it wasn’t possible because purdah meant she couldn’t be in the same room as all of the men. I offered to ask them to leave and she excitedly exclaimed ‘Hai, app patow “get out”’ – you say get out, she’s very funny! So I went back, and in my most practised formal and polite Hindi, deeply ‘Namaste’d’ and asked if it would be ok for the men to step out for 5 minutes so Auntie could come in for a little while. Everyone said it was ok so left and Auntie (with a little encouragement) came and sat in the room.
A few days later we went to visit Pushpendra ji at home and I went to see Auntie again who then cried when I left and made me promise I’ll come back soon. Pushpendra ji then told me that he is my Chacha and Auntie is my Chachi (father’s brother, and father’s brother’s wife) and if I needed anything they’re there for me and I’m to consider that my home. I’ve been told this quite a few times but it felt more real with them, maybe because of the time in the hospital and everything. Oof, it was emotional!
The same day as the motorcycle accident, I also fell off Hera, our horse. I remember when I was younger and used to ride, the older girls always used to say that you’re not a real rider until you’ve fallen off. So now, finally, I can claim I’m a real rider – and an Indian one at that. Saddles are a little different here and, instead of holding your legs straight in a canter, you have to wrap them around the horses stomach to hold on. My short arse legs don’t reach too far down so, due to my inadequate grip, the saddle slowly started to shift to the side, a matter that I couldn’t resolve mid-canter, and, being unfamiliar to Hera and Indian riding techniques, was unable to convince him to stop, so ended up on the floor. I escaped with a minor graze to the elbow and the loss of my hair grip, but nothing that discouraged me from getting straight back on and walking him home. Later Rahees told me that he’d had a dream the night before that he was falling down a hill and believed that mine and Pushpendra ji’s falls were fate. I told him ‘Aap pagal ho’ – you’re mad.
One last story from Saiwara and then I’ll shut up about it. We arranged a meeting with the VWSC (village water and sanitation committee) members to which all the men showed up but none of the women as they were, as always, busy in their work. A little while later, two women snuck in, purdah pulled right down over their faces, and cowered in the door frame. I asked what their name was but they’re not allowed to speak in front of men so I had to go up close to them so they could whisper, which their male counterparts all found hilarious. It was excruciating to be a part of and has me agreeing with those who say women empowerment will not come as a result of forcing their participation in such activities. I tried to make a point about purdah by pulling my chinni (scarf type thing) over my face and saying that I was unable to talk to them properly and they were prevented from seeing my expressions which are a huge part of communication but at that point, Rahees took a phone call so was unable to translate which slightly ruined the exercise. Anyway, a little while later, one man said to me ‘Mandie, look at you. You came alone all the way from England, and that women can’t even come alone to another house in her own village without being accompanied by her husband.’ He was obviously trying to put her down. I replied ‘Yes you’re right, but there is absolutely no difference between the two of us. I’m female, she’s female – our biology, our blood, our brain are exactly the same. The only difference between the two of us is that I was given the opportunity of a good education and was told when I was young that I could do anything I wanted to do. I have confidence and am educated and so am able to have a career and travel and meet people like you. And I am very very happy about that. Education and confidence is the only difference between the two of us, and look at the difference it makes.’ Everyone in the room was pretty silent, a part from the odd ‘Hai, sahi bhat’ (Yes that’s true) so I was left thinking I really might have made an impression. Maybe as a result, one man will be more keen to send his daughter school (?), or maybe not, but at least the seeds of a new idea have been sown.
So now we get to the difficult part. As I said I was offered these jobs, as a result of the network meeting I’d told you about in Bhopal in my last blog. At first I turned them down on the basis that there’s just so much to do in Nowgong that I’d feel like I was giving up without completing my work and I’d be letting people down. However, for whatever reason, I’ve ended up leaving Haritika and coming to Gwalior, a much bigger city (we have a McDonalds!!!) to work for Sambhav – my new home. I can’t even describe how upset I was to leave Nowgong. In 5 1/2 months I’ve made some really strong connections there and so many tears were shed saying goodbye. I’ll go and visit but it definitely won’t be the same. One of the worst things was the thought that my didi’s son will forget his Mandie mossi (mother’s sister) since he’s only three years old. And leaving the staff was really tough as well as the thought of not seeing the people from the villages anymore. I’ll be honest, I’m still pretty down about it and feel like I’ve left home all over again. I’m worried about my new place and whether I’ll fit into city India and make friends here but on spending only one day with this organisation I know it’s a good thing I’ve come.
This organisation seems to be amazing. They’re pretty big – working in I think 7 districts, with an eye hospital, a few schools, a radio station, as well as all the field offices. The staff are all hard working and have all been trained really really well so know the importance of doing good social , and methods for doing it – a breath of fresh air. They seem friendly too and keen to teach me everything I need to learn (a hell of a lot). I’ve been told to ask questions whenever I want to about whatever I want, a real confidence boost, and so feel supported and able to do a good job. We had a meeting today where the CEO presented the topics for discussion, and the staff openly shared their ideas, problems, and thoughts – again, a relief! I’ll now be working in urban slums, which are a whole different ball game, but I’ll definitely visit my village, Saiwara, at least once a month, so won’t miss out on rural India too much.
I feel good here, and once I’ve gotten over the shock of leaving Nowgong, I think I’ll be really happy. I’ve always said I came here to do work, so I’m pleased to be here doing good work! I was pretty shaken by everything and really quite upset by it all, but I know I’ll get over it soon enough and be back on my feet.
So, that’s been a pretty huge instalment so I’ll sign off. 5 weeks till everyone comes HOOP HOOP can’t fricking wait! Plans are being put in place!
Keep emailing to let me know how your lives are. All email addresses are working now so you’ve got your pick of three.
Lots of love
Jones xx
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