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AMSTERDAM! Wow. What a strange place. The first thing we did when we hopped off the train was go to a coffee shop and....... ONLY JOKING we went and found the hostel we had booked. AMIGOS Hostel. DONT EVER STAY THERE. I've never been more serious about anything in my life. Some general observations about the place (I'll have to type it quickly, so I'm not too traumatised by the memory):
1. There were about 100000000 stairs. I use the term 'stairs' losely, however. It was more like climing a really tall ladder with 15kgs on your back.
2. The reception guy wouldnt let us cook our own dinner in the microwave. Insisted on doing it, then burnt the spaghetti (yes, he burnt it in the microwave. Clever cookie). Also kept talking about 'forking' the pasta. I'll let you take from that what you will..
3. At Amigos hostel, its normal for the reception guy to come upstairs and have sex with a guy in the room next to yours in the open door way for all to hear. And see.
3. You can melt a pizza in the microwave. It will taste so bad you might think you are rotting your insides by eating it. You would be correct. I'll never be the same.
4.The rooms are really icy cold when you go to bed. The heating kicks in at about 12am, so you wake up drenched in sweat. There is no laundry.
5. The free breakfast is only available if they want to give it to you. And if they do give it to you, you'll get four slices of stale white bread, and two slices of plastic cheese. mmmmmm
6. You may have been forced into some kind of cult without realising it. Make sure you tell a few friends the address of the place. Do not tell your parents, they might panic. Note: the hostel will delete your booking from hostelworld.com, so you cant be traced. Its a real comfort when you realise that after you escape from the place.
7. Its acceptable for your male roommates to masturbate vocally while you are in the room. Or handcuff themselves to eachother. Or use other things they bought whilst in the sex shops here. While you are in the room, wandering around, clearly awake.
8. Its normal to contemplate suicide every 10 minutes whilst staying at the amigos hostel.
9. You might just get bruises from the shower.
10. You realise that you will never, ever pay only £10 for a hostel room ever again. You will never ever be that poor.
Apart from that we had fun in Amsterdam. We went to the sex museum (massive let down), wandered the red light district, explored all the streets, chatted to some rad people. Went on a pubcrawl and made some friends. A lovely guy from Cyprus who Megan liked very much. Met a guy from perth who we named the Pomeranian because of his hair. We kept running into eachother and think we may have a friend for life there. Also met Fergus, who was a lovely lad from South Africa who is studying in Brighton in England. Had lots of big, deep and meaningful chats (maybe, I cant really remember, Amsterdam is a pretty hazy place) and will definitely go and party with him if I make it back to England before heading home. Also met a sexy french man by the name of Jean-Martin. He couldnt speak much English. I didnt care.
The next few days were filled with sleeping, enjoying the ambience of Amsterdam and hanging out with our new found friends. I ate a lot of bread and salami. It was delicious. Megan drank alot of red wine one night and I laughed at her. Mind you, I didnt feel so crash hot the next morning myself. We got free boiled eggs for breakfast at Bobs. Bobs was the hostel we stayed at after fleeing Amigos in fear of our life. The Pomeranian recommended it and we were impressed.
Amsterdam is fun. But you could kind of get stuck there forever and ever and ever and ever and ever....
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