Oh my sweet Lord, where on earth do I start? Been absolutely shocking at keeping this thing up to date - apologies people!!!

So, as you know (well, I hope you do!) - Me and Fanny spent 3 months working in an Army Camp in the middle of nowhere (see the map - it really was in the middle of nowhere!). We had our reservations about going, but what was being offered was just too good to turn down, so off we went!

Basically, our 3 months there can be summed up by one word: CORUBA! (Jamacian rum - so nice!).  A double Coruba and coke is $1.60 (80 pence - enough said).  First night we were there, we were invited to go down to the pub with a girlie that lived in the hostel (Lulu) - we hadn't even unpacked any of our stuff, and we were down at the local - typical us!  It was absolutely mental - walked in and we nearly pooped our panties cos we met about 15 guys all wearing there uniform, all offering to buy us drinkies.  It was like they had never seen girls before.  Actually, the truth was, the majority of them had never been out of New Zealand before, and had never met anyone with an 'accent'.  So, we spend the whole night with them saying 'can you say this word, can you say that word'.  Quite amusing actually!  This was also the same night that I met my man Eddie, but more about him later on.....!  That night, we got invited to go to about 6 different parties in the camp (as you can see, everyone takes real notice of the 'no drinking in the barracks' rule!!!).  But, ended up going to this place called the RSA (the Razza we called it - sounds more posh!) - not before me and Fan done pees behind this building in camp and Fan used the light of her phone to check and see if she had 'dribbled' on her feet - classic!!!

We ended up being on the piss practically the whole time we were there - at drinkies at that price, it would be rude not to wouldn't it?!  The first Thursday that we were there, ended up going to the Razza and getting hammered.  This was the first night that I went with Eddie, and nearly 3 months down the line, we are still going strong .  However, took a while for him not to do my head in, as I wrote in my book at the beginning - met a fireman called Eddie.  God, he smells nice but bores me to tears!  (Sorry hun - now I know that that is just you, and gotta luv ya for it!!!).  Every second Thursday is when they have 'THE DISCO' in the Razza.  This only happens every second Thursday, is a big deal that has everyone talking about it.  It consists of a lady standing in the corner of the bar playing a few tunes from the 1920's, enough said.  So, due to the lack of night life in Waiouru, we decided to make our own.  This is where 'Party at the Hostels' came into force.  Now, it has to be said that yes, we did like a good party, but not every fricken night like everyone thought, and we didn't trash the place - that would just be "nasty"!  However, never quite realised that our parties would lead to all Army persons being banned from the hostels,  and eventually leading to the closure of them.  Yeah Yeah! 

Work

So, we did actually go to Waiouru to work, not just have fun, so best tell you a bit about it.  We were working down at the Sgts Mess serving about 70 army men.  We got the bum deal though I think, as the youngest man there was about 60!!!  What a laugh we had though.  They practically had me and Fanny running the joint - our supervisor was an absolute idiot, and while the dining room was heaving, and me and Fan were running around like headless chickens, she was in 2 minds whether to wipe a fridge door or water the plants - see the logic in that one.  Not!!!    I ended up after about 2 weeks convinced that she was a lesbian and was in denial about it - I mean, she had sleaked back curly blonde hair that she persisted in tying back and pleating into 2 sections that made her look like she had 2 jobbies hanging from her head, wore jeans up to her chest, and massive men hiking boots - any classic signs there?!  Enough about her, she makes me want to vomit (how nice am I by the way?!).  When we came back the second time (yes, we came back for a SECOND time!), there was no way on earth that we were able to work with her again, and I think our bosses knew that, so they put us as far away from her as possible.  We were working down the Main Mess in the bread room - basically buttering bread for 5 hours - really putting my BA Hons Degree to work there!!!  At night we worked in the bars - think maybe that was a bad idea to leave me in charge.  Was working one night, and the bar keys just totally disappeared.  No idea where they went - but, they had to get every single lock changed in the bar (about 8 or 9 I think).  I was told they were going to bill me for half, but I left a couple of weeks later, and saw no bill, so I'm happy !!! 

Men

Well, you canny exactly come to an Army Camp and leave empty handed now can you?!  As I have said, the first week I was there, I managed to get myself a man - Eddie (cos he's a fireman - long story).  Indeed, I am a cradle snatcher as he's only 20 (give me a break - it's better than a 42 year old - once again, long story!).  But, he's so funny and, just to CONFIRM, he's a fireman - enough said!  Fanny on the other hand has had 2 of Eddie's mates (that makes her sound bad, but wait till you hear the story).  Brace yourselves.  Ok, Eddie's mate called Fitz liked Fanny on the first night, Fanny liked Fitz, Fitz was slow in getting his act together, Eddie's other mate Matt liked Fanny, Matt wasn't slow off the mark, so here comes Fanny and Matt.  Matt went with another girlie after like 4 hours of us coming back to Waiouru (who he is now marrying by the way - clue?!), so then Fanny and Fitz became an item.  Did you catch all that?!  Phew. 

Mates in Waiouru

Well, apart from the obvious, we have made so many good mates from Waiouru, and was absolutely gutted when we had to leave.  Our mates from the start have been Lulu and Renee (Rez).  When we first arrived, everyone warned us against them, but they have been our 'Homies' all the way through!  Apparently, me and Fan are just like them, so we called ourselves 'the white Maori sisters'!  Along with them, we managed to get the hostels closed down due to our apparent continuous parties - whatever!   There was also Matty Piss Head (he's a member of the AA), and was always up for a party - miss him heaps!  Then there was Eddie's mates, but only liked a couple of them (Matt - guy number 1 Fan was with, Fitz - guy number 2 Fanny is still with!, Maka - nicest guy we met, and Steve - only met him a few times, but seemed a decent enough guy).  Also made good mates with the folk we were living with in the Hostels - Jo (english girlie who has her own Chef business up in Auckland - sooo nice).  Sonia - (girlie from Argentina who never really drank.  Yup, until she met us!).  Hoping to keep in touch with them all when we come back to Scotland, but you know what I am like about keeping in touch.....!

Wellington

So, we left for Wellington with a heap of folk, with the intention of them waving us off for good to tour the South Island, then go to Fiji.  This happened, but not quite what we expected (tell more later on).  So, off we went all piled into 2  mini-van's and went on a wee road trip down to Wellington to watch Great Britain play New Zealand in rugby.  Honest to God, it's got to be one of the best weekends I have ever had.  We all went down with no accommodation booked, thinking it wouldn't be that hard to find all of us a bed for the night - how wrong were we?!  One van load ended up not getting anything and had one sober driver to drive them home after the game (gutted if you were in that van and even more gutted if you had to be the sober driver!).  Rez managed to get in touch with her cousin who let us stay with her - 7 of us I think.  Needless to say, we took up her whole flat!  So, the game?  What a laugh!  We (me, Rez, Fan, Lulu and Matty) bought $65 seats and the boys are tight asses and bought $27 seats (although Eddie was convinced that there was a printing error and the tickets were actually $72!).  Needless to say, Great Britain got their asses completely kicked.  They only scored once in the whole game and where was I?  In the fricken toilet!  Bloody typical!  We got bored half way through the game and joined the boys in their cheap assed seats - what the point in that was, I have no idea.  But, a good time was had by all (for those that can remember anyways!)

Leaving Waiouru - Part 2!

So, our idea to tour the South Island didn't exactly go to plan with $1000 between us to last us nearly 2 months, so as I said, we had to go back working in the Army Camp.  But, we really did leave the second time, and it was really sad.  We said bye to the girls, and also to Matty, and headed up North to Auckland.  Oh s***, forgot a small minor detail - we were about 4 hours late leaving than what we would have liked to have been.  Why I hear you ask?  Well, we got a hire car, jammed all 5 massive bags in the back, and guess what?  The boot didn't close.  So, Fan came to the rescue and unlipped a latch in the back, and ta da, the boot was closed.  However, the boot didn't open again!  We had to take out the back seats and everything.  But, problem solved, we were back on the road.  Well, for about 5 minutes anyways.  We got as far as the main rubbish dump in Waiouru and had to stop off there.  Eddie accidentally chucked out my wallet (he's a div - what more can I say?!), and he got told a specific spot where it might be.  So, he donned a pair of wellies and was rummaging abound in dead goats (don't ask), and unfortunately, came out empty handed... But, off to Auckland we went....  Stayed the night there, and headed up North to Eddie's home town of Kaitaia for a night to meet his mammy (eeeeek).  All was dandy though, she's ace, and she owns a farm too.  We went on the farm and I was facinated by the size of this pigs, well, wait till you see the pic and you will know what I am talking about....!  Our intention was to stay in his house for a few nights, then travel down to Auckland, but we left the next day for Auckland - saving money on transport or something like that!  Me and Ed got a hotel for 5 nights (no, nothing like the Ritz, far from it!).  Managed to flood the bathroom after the first night (leaked out into the hallway too - ooopsy!).  Didn't actually see anything of Auckland really - just this Irish pub called Father Ted's (or Fat Teddy's as Ed preferred to call it!).  Fan came back from Waiouru and met us for one last night out in Auckland before we took of for the good old U.S of A!  That was also the night that the jammy witch won $648 on the pokie machines - tut, some folk have all the luck! 

Eddie took us to the airport, and was real sad leaving - suppose we were finally realising that our year trip is nearly over, 3 weeks left, and we are back to reality - gutted ACTUALLY!

Anyways chickies, as per usual, I have rambled on enough (you guys still awake?  If so, well done!).  Gonna go now, leave you with my funny quotes over the past couple of months.

Keep in touch, Miss you all heaps, and will see most of you soon enough!!!

Me xXx

Funny Quotes from Waiouru

* Fanny: I don't get what guys see in asses, all we do is sh*t out of them (nice fan, real nice!)

* Fanny: Yeah, you should go to the library, it's full of books......

* I was sorting out salts and peppers on the table, and I asked Fan to move them on her side, so they were the same as my side, and she turns round and goes: 'Nice and economical'.  So I replied with: 'did you not mean nice and symetrical Fan'?!!!!!

* Fan: Yeah, I really wanna go to Hastings too .  See all the stones.  Me: The stones?  Do you not mean Stonehenge?  Fan: Yeah, I meant that......

* "Can we go right here please babe"?  - Eddie talking to a male pakistani taxi driver!!!

* About to go to sleep, and this is the conversation I had with Eddie: Me: Did you set your alarm for the morning hun?  Eddie: Yeah I did.  Me: What time for?  Eddie: 6 past 9 babe.  Me: Eh?  I thought you started at 9?  Eddie: Yeah, but I thought Jenny yand that were OK cos they got evicted from their rooms.  HEEEEYYYY OOOOOOOH.    2 secs after that, he was snoring his head off!!!