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We have been following the North East trade winds for a few days now and are regularly attaining speeds of 9 knots. This may not seem particularly fast but everything is relative, and add the strong winds and sizeable swell into the equation and it feels like we are flying. It is an awesome feeling, cranked over like a Harley Davison taking a long sweeping bend, only this one has lasted a few hundred miles.
Now it is a complete lottery as regards ones sleeping arrangements, you come on board and are allocated a bunk either on the port or starboard side of the ship. You are of course blissfully unaware of how hard the wind will blow and from which direction, so as you give the mattress a couple of quick presses (which seems as useful as kicking the tyre of a second hand car you are thinking of purchasing), you are satisfied that the limited sleep you will be having will indeed be comfy and restful. Unfortunately there are a number of other factors that determine otherwise!!
My bunk is situated on the port side and lies fore to aft ( front to back) in effect running along the side of the hull as opposed to other bunks in the cabin which lie perpendicular, ie starboard to port. This presents different challenges to the incumbents as the wind changes and the ship heels over in varying degrees.
The prevailing wind has heeled the ship quite considerably to port and this has led to some discomfort in the bunk. During the course of your slumber your body shifts in keeping with angle of heel and inevitably you roll towards the cabin wall, which just happens to be boarded with an MFI type veneer. One night in the height of the bad weather I was in bed with Marilyn Monroe, her perfume was intoxicating as I nibbled at her neck etc etc................I wish !! Beautiful dreams have a habit of being interrupted and my passionate embrace came to an abrupt end as I awoke licking the ‘Mr Sheen’ off the wooden paneling. My face was pressed so hard against the boarding that my nose and lips had become painfully distorted, making me a clear favourite for this years World Gurning Championships and all those sleeping in similarly positioned bunks turned up for breakfast with a teak effect imprint ingrained into their faces, necessitating a rub down with 20/20 and a quick coat of varnish.
For those lying perpendicular the discomfort is somewhat different. They get into their beds, head on pillow, only to wake some hours later six feet away from the said pillow, having unwittingly slid down the mattress to the bottom of the bunk in somewhat of a crumpled heap. This is a bit of a double whammy as friction has also played its part in this movement and forced underwear rather firmly and awkwardly into the nether regions. Interestingly these individuals appear at breakfast sucking lemons......or that’s what it looks like.!!
Getting out of ones bunk against the heel is also problematic especially when it is pitch black. Having peeled ones face from the cabin wall, there is need to roll over and grip the side of the bunk which then enables you to pull yourself up into a sitting position, inevitably banging your head against the top bunk in the process. You then throw your legs over the side of the bunk and then balance precariously on a wooden slat designed to stop you falling out of bed. Then akin to an Olympic 90m ski jumper readying himself for the descent (or ascent in this case), you move backwards and forwards ready to launch yourself towards the light switch which is of course usefully situated at the other end of the cabin.
One big breath and you go for it, struggling against all the odds, the gradient getting steeper and steeper, and when you are tantalisingly within reach of the magic lamp, the ship heels that tiny bit more, your grip weakens and the forward momentum dissipates. What follows can only be described as sheer panic as you stumble backwards in freefall, fishing in the gloom for a lifeline. Not a hope and you crash back into your bunk landing upside down, legs akimbo, and as the stars clear, you reflect on life as a Fruit Bat.
And so for your second attempt (because Ski jumpers get two go’s). It tends to be a woeful effort in terms of proximity to the light as the broken bones from the previous effort are quite debilitating. However every cloud has a silver lining as the Judges award top marks for artistic impression as the inevitable crash bang wallop wows the crowd (who actually by this stage are getting a little pissed with the constant disturbance to their sleep).
There are only so many attempts you can make before exhaustion brings about a change in strategy, namely ‘getting ready in the dark’...............brillant!! However this needs some preparation the night before as filching in kitbags in the pitch black can bring about confusion and discomfort, as you realise you have just brushed your teeth with Germolene, deodorised with insect repellant and that balaclava you thought you were wearing is indeed your pants!!!.
So Bermuda is only four or five days away now and as the fruit gets softer and as cigarettes and tobacco become the currency of the ship, there is a desire to actually get there and take a well earned break. One day off in 53 is tough going, especially working round the clock, and a bit of R & R will be welcomed before embarking on the next leg to Charleston USA. There will be much for us to enjoy in Bermuda, I am looking forward to seeing Sarah, my mum and mother in law for a couple of days, and catching up with Mick Harkin will be fun. We will be joined by about thirty more ships and it will be a fantastic spectacle, which undoubtedly I will share with you in the due course of time.
Best Wishes
Doddy
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