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THE MALDIVES
I suppose that the notion of paradise is a matter of opinion, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that, but if there are places in the world that fall within the majority's perception of heaven on earth then the Maldives will be a very strong candidate. If I subscribed to the twice weekly lambs to the slaughter, formally known as the lottery, I would no doubt be standing in the queue dreaming of such a place, lost for a few minutes in an air of hopeful expectancy that this would be week, before of course being brought back to reality by the cashier impatiently barking out "Yes love"as I had moved to the front of the queue without realising..
Having arrived weary from the 10 hour overnight flight from a cold damp windswept London Heathrow, stepping out onto the tarmac of Male airport takes the breath away in terms of the heat and the azure seas all around. But because of how the Maldives were formed a series of Atolls made up of thousand of tiny islands, the airport is in fact the only feature on the island on which it is built. Passengers are politely greeted with a handshake from the local travel representative before being transported to your final destination either by speedboat or seaplane.
I am of course one of the worlds worst fliers, I have no concept of the laws of physics rather subscribing to the view that metal is heavier than air and no amount of Rolls Royce ummph will maintain it above the ground for more than a few brief moments. So being such a keen traveller I have to imbibe huge amounts of alcohol coupled with reluctantly prescribed tranquelisers, to embark on the death defying feat I perceive it to be. I hate going to the doctors and conceding that I unable to undertake a function which millions of people around the globe do daily like catching a bus or a train. You can almost hear the tut underneath the doctors breath which makes me feel like dropping a tarantular onto his desk and saying "who's scared now'. People in glass houses and all that.
And to add to the whole flying experience live video cameras are fitted around the fuselage so as to give the discerning passenger a 360 degree view of blue sky or cloud depending on the weather, which I have to say surpassed my boredom threshold within a few seconds. But the camera that does it for me in terms of reinvigorating my fear is the one positoned at the front which gives a birds eye view of the final approach. Just when I felt we had made it safely to our destination some tosser of the passenger behind commented, "Do you think he's far enough across to make it" which had me assuming the crash position until the plane was on the tarmac..
Anyway given the choice of local 'maintained' seaplane or speedboat, the latter got my seal of approval, the rational for this decision being my ability to swim far outweighed my flying prowess and perhaps more importantly the effect of the drugs and drink cocktail had well and truly worn off . This issue does engender a somewhat selfish attitude as Sarah dislikes small boats but who gives a s*** for a bit of domestic disharmony, I promised to buy her a new dress, a surefire antecdote for the fear of water.
So after 90 minutes of skimming across the Indian ocean we arrived at Kuramathi,Treasure Island revisited . Palm trees, presteen white beaches, turquoise seas filled to the brim with brightly coloured fish An inquisitive turtle popped his head up no douby ticking off another page in his thousand people to see before you die book, Crikey never expected to get anybody from Nuneaton. A short briefing accompanied by Tequila sunrise preceded a short walk to our thatched bungalow hidden amongst the palms and bordering the beach. Perfect,.
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